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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 12, 2007, at 21:21:47
She is being way tooooo quiet. What is going on?
Posted by arora on September 13, 2007, at 7:30:15
In reply to Where's Dinah?, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 12, 2007, at 21:21:47
The last post I saw by her was over in admin about a week ago... that's quite a bit of time for her to not post, isn't it?
arora
Posted by Dinah on September 13, 2007, at 7:49:02
In reply to Where's Dinah?, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 12, 2007, at 21:21:47
Me? I've posted several times on Psychology.
But overall I've gotten behind at work again. So I'm scurrying there. And I'm very busy, and in turns excited and totally overstimulated (and occasionally infuriated, since he's still after one of my other dogs) by the new puppy. It's like having a baby again.
Last night I went too long without dinner, and was pretty much out of commission all evening since I just don't bounce back. Which put me further behind in work.
I've actually tried to post a few times, but it's hard to explain what I want to post. My mood has been all over the place lately, but it feels like more than that. It feels like I've lost whatever sense of identity I have. I don't feel real. Sometimes the people and animals in my life seem to be totally stripped of their relationship to me. Of all those intangibles that make them who they are to me. But I don't feel like me either. Or at least not a single coherent me. I guess I'm off and on feeling stripped of all the intangibles that make me aware that I'm me to me.
And I really hate the glimpses I do see of what I am, although I don't feel a lot of ownership of it.
I've been having lots of dark thoughts the last few weeks.
But today, me or not. I need to finish some stuff at work. I'll be really busy there for at least a month, maybe more.
Posted by muffled on September 13, 2007, at 10:39:40
In reply to Re: Where's Dinah? » Happyflower 1 :-), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2007, at 7:49:02
((Dinah))
Have you consulted with your vet/breeder as to whether the new pup will fit into your family?
There could possibly be a personality clash, as you DO take in weaker/sick dogs, this *could* potentially be an ongoing prob.
Its just that this has gone on awhile and your obvo stressed about it.
Some dogs are just not a good fit for certain families. Sucks, but thats the way it is. Dogs come with their own personalities, and with work, they can be made to sorta fit, but oftimes noone is as happy as they would be with a better fit......
I went thru 2 dogs before I have the one I have now, and after over a year, I am now finally pretty comfortable with her.
Its just when I have read some of your stuff, it reminds me SO much of when I had the other dogs that I found diff homes for. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO stressed, and it comes out in alot of diff ways....
It was hard to give up the dogs(cost me lotsa $$ too..) but it was a learning experience too. Can't put a price on that.
Feel free to b-mail me if you wish. Coherant or not!
Take good care,
M
Posted by Dinah on September 13, 2007, at 11:07:35
In reply to Re: Where's Dinah? » Dinah, posted by muffled on September 13, 2007, at 10:39:40
My therapist wants me to call his breeder and see if she'll take him back. He's really adamant about it. Yet I can't help being encouraged by progress he's made. He's down to only one of the two handicapped dogs. And I can almost understand him. He ignores her when she's quiet but when she bounces off stuff and spins around, I think it makes him really anxious or predatory or something. But a lot of times we have great fun together.
I'm hoping when the vet clears him for long walks after his last shots that he'll get better because he won't have so darn much energy. Many vets don't have this restriction, I understand by talking to others. I don't recall mine having it years ago. Maybe I'll have to start them now, for our sanity.
It's affecting me, no doubt. There's also some stuff going on with my family that makes me feel like a liability to them. Everything I do makes things worse, and I'm trying to pull away from them so I don't hurt them more. I'm going to quit going places with them, and stop trying to talk to my son about anything but superficial stuff.
Then there's work.
I took a few too many pills last night, but not enough for an overdose. Just hte maximum for two different sorts of pills. I just needed a rest. I wanted to take more, but i didn't.
I'm not really ok. But sometimes I am. Sometimes I'm fine. Sometimes I'm great.
I don't think I'm real. Surely real people don't feel like this. I sometimes think I'm just a figment of someone's imagination or a character in someone else's book. An author who doesn't care much about continuity.
Posted by twinleaf on September 13, 2007, at 23:28:09
In reply to Re: Where's Dinah? » Happyflower 1 :-), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2007, at 7:49:02
Dinah, I felt very badly for you when I read your thread. What you are describing sounds as if it might be a state of derealization. Do you think it could be? Last winter, after the horrible experience I had with my previous T., I had that, and it lasted until I got to my new T, and even afterwards. It slowly went away as I formed an attachment to him. It's the worst feeling in the world- like you've lost yourself and are just sort of a fake person. I brought it up with my new T. quite soon, because it was so unbearable. He told me something very interesting- that it typically happens after the loss of an important person or relationship. Even though that had just happened to me, I didn't make the connection at all. And I was certain, while I was in that state, that it would last forever- absolutely certain of it. But it's completely gone now.
You mentioned feeling that you needed to withdraw from people- I'm assuming your husband and son- because you have the feeling that your presence might be hurtful to them. During the time I felt that way, I did exactly the same thing. I felt that I should stay away from my sons because somehow interacting with me would be destructive to them. I felt the same way about my husband, too. This has all disappeared over the course of the summer, as I have come to feel more securely attached to my new T., so I do think he was correct as to the cause of it all.
Are you dealing with anything similiar-the loss of someone very important, or a big change in a relationship? I don't know how often you see your T. now- it has sounded as though that relationship is going very well. If you are only going once or twice a week, do you think it might help to increase the frequency of your sessions for a while, at least?
I'm so sorry this is happening- it's so awful it should never happen to anyone. I, and I know also many others here, will have you in our hearts and minds as you find a way to get back to feeling like the real, wonderful you.
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2007, at 9:20:51
In reply to Re: Where's Dinah?, posted by twinleaf on September 13, 2007, at 23:28:09
I don't think any relationships have changed, except maybe for losing the illusion of being a competent dog mom and a good enough mother. But seeing the word derealization does help me recall that I do tend to get that way under stress. I am so very bad at remembering times when I've felt this way before, and that it goes away. Whatever I'm feeling at the moment seems like all there is in the world.
I guess that's the downside of a choppy disconnected life because of an overreliance on dissociation as a coping mechanism. :(
Can you tell I've been on risperdal a few days?
I think my assessment of myself as a mother is rather accurate, at least right now. It seems that there is no situation I can't make worse with the common sense approach that I usually adopt with my son. I guess that's not what he needs right now, so I'm just going to bow out because his father seems to be saying the right things at the moment.
That was one area where I used to feel relatively competent. Not perfect. But good enough. I'm a screwup at work, my house is a wreck, I heard someone described in a book (in terms of appearance etc) in a way that I recognized with shock as totally like myself yet even I was disgusted. Yet there's nothing really I can do about it except hide myself.
I guess I'll live out my dreams of being an urban hermit, "the weird dog lady".
Posted by Daisym on September 15, 2007, at 0:05:58
In reply to Re: Where's Dinah? » twinleaf, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2007, at 9:20:51
The thing about boys is that they aren't girls and never were. And the thing about moms is that they aren't boys and never were. Don't worry, it is pretty normal for boys to pull away from their moms and align with dad. It will swing back when girls come into the picture. I'm sure you are still a great mom.
I know this isn't the med board but do you like risperdol better than seroquel? I'm need to sleep and have found seroquel helpful in the past but very sedating. My therapist is being pushy about sleeping...
I'll hang in there if you will.
This is the end of the thread.
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