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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
I have a date.
He knows this time.
I'm going to keep this date/plan come hell or high water. Even if I have to turn around and come back in a month or whatever, I'm keeping this date! I can't go through this a fourth time.
We set the date about halfway through the session. And after that, I was pretty much done for the day. I swear, I was totally reaching for something to say, which is so unlike me. He thought it was because I was avoiding talking about this "momentous" decision. I thought it was because we always do scheduling at the end of the session, so having him move over to his desk, talk about dates, and so on felt like the end of the session for me. Maybe it's both. And actually, I've already talked about this "momentous decision" twice before. It feels like, "been there, done that."
Or maybe I'm just repressing it all.
Heck, I don't know. I feel very blase about it at the moment, though.
gg
Posted by muffled on September 13, 2007, at 23:18:34
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
Good luck GG.
Hope its not too rocky for you.
Sounds like you are ready to go.
Good for you.
Keep us updated...
Take good care,
M
Posted by Poet on September 14, 2007, at 9:16:52
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
Hi GG,
Good luck. I know how very hard and painful this has been for you. My T always sets the next appointment at the end of the session, too, so I get how you felt it was over when you still had time left.
((((((((( GG ))))))))))))) Cyber air hugs.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2007, at 9:24:02
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
Maybe the adrenaline's run out for now. Exposure and response prevention?
But I hope that it's because you really are ready for it. I get that sense from you.
Isn't it nice that they no longer close the door for good?
Posted by pegasus on September 14, 2007, at 9:42:23
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
Good luck with this, GG. I know you've been through quite a journey with termination. It does sound like you're ready for this. And, of course, you may come back to therapy later. That's such a nice thing to have in your back pocket during all of this, isn't it?
I would love to hear as much about your experience through this termination as you would like to share. I'm still trying to get a handle on termination in my own mind, and I care a lot about you.
peg
Posted by annierose on September 14, 2007, at 9:51:15
In reply to Re: Third time's the charm: termination, posted by pegasus on September 14, 2007, at 9:42:23
Good luck with this happy ending and new beginning. It scares me to death so I smile reading about your hopeful outlook about "life after therapy".
Posted by gardenergirl on September 14, 2007, at 10:01:56
In reply to Re: Third time's the charm: termination » gardenergirl, posted by muffled on September 13, 2007, at 23:18:34
Thanks muffled.
I hope it's not too rocky, too. :) It's been very strange the way it's gone, but this time feels really good, and even if obstacles turn up, I know that one way or another they'll get addressed.
Take care,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 14, 2007, at 10:13:48
In reply to Re: Third time's the charm: termination » gardenergirl, posted by Poet on September 14, 2007, at 9:16:52
Hey Poet,
Thanks for your good wishes.> My T always sets the next appointment at the end of the session, too, so I get how you felt it was over when you still had time left.
Thank you for that. I swear, he wouldn't accept that at all. Not even a partial. Called it Pavlov's dogs. Um, I know you're not a behaviorist, Dr. T, but there is something to the whole conditioning thing. :)
>
> ((((((((( GG ))))))))))))) Cyber air hugs.Thanks, always appreciated. :)
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 14, 2007, at 10:20:28
In reply to Re: Third time's the charm: termination » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2007, at 9:24:02
> Maybe the adrenaline's run out for now. Exposure and response prevention?
Excellent! I'll have to bring that up next time just to tweak him. :)
>
> But I hope that it's because you really are ready for it. I get that sense from you.Thanks. I really think I am. He said he needed to "hear more about that", and I surprised myself by being able to actually describe it instead of vaguely saying I feel better and I can handle stuff better. That was sort of the deal maker for me. And apparently for him, too. So Nov. 1st it is. Better get busy on his gift when I can.
>
> Isn't it nice that they no longer close the door for good?Yep, though it's getting a bit complicated at the clinic since they added a consultant psychiatrist. Seems they are getting referrals out the wazoo, so now the Ts are going to act as "gatekeepers" to the pdoc. So whenever I need to see my pdoc, even if it's already scheduled (I think...still not set in stone yet), I'll have to meet with my T first. I think it helps to know that I have a reason to be able to come in and say hi, because I think I'll probably wish to from time to time.
Thanks for your words, Dinah. It feels good to know that what others pick up on fits with what I'm experiencing, too. :)
Hope the pup is settling in.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 14, 2007, at 10:28:19
In reply to Re: Third time's the charm: termination, posted by pegasus on September 14, 2007, at 9:42:23
Hi pegasus,
Good to see you here. And if I'm remembering correctly, how's the little one?Boy it really has been a long strange trip to termination. My T said that I was an "outlier" with regard to the changing policy for seeing the pdoc. I'm sure I'm also an outlier for how I got to actually terminating. Guess I just like to practice first. :)
I'd be glad to talk about it more, though probably not til I get back from vacation. One thing, though--he said that one of the cardinal signs that someone was ready for termination was when they felt they had other things to do besides going to therapy. Or when they felt they had better things to spend their money on. When the therapy appt becomes more of an obligation or burden, it's time to end, usually. This is based on his experience, not any theory, but it's what I noticed, too. Of course I felt guilty for feeling like I had better things to do. I worried that would seem insulting to him, though he's trained not to take that stance, and he views it as a treatment success. Silly leftover neuroses. :)
I forget, you've already terminated, right? I'd be interested in hearing about how your thoughts and feelings have evolved since you ended. Right now I feel not quite but almost indifferent. I'm sure that will not last as I get closer. But I wonder what comes next, so to speak.
I care about you, too, and I'm glad you're posting more again.
Thanks for your input.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 14, 2007, at 10:33:00
In reply to Re: Third time's the charm: termination, posted by annierose on September 14, 2007, at 9:51:15
Thanks annierose. It feels nice to feel hopeful. And given how your previous termination was abrupt, or at least I think it was, I can see how it could be a scary thing now. That'll change at some point, though. At least for me it did. You just sort of wake up one day and try on the idea. And if it fits, it actually feels good.
Of course I regressed after setting the first date. And the second was bizarro. So this one's gotta be right, right? :)
Take care,
gg
Posted by Rigby on September 14, 2007, at 21:24:44
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
Hey GG,
I pop in here every once in a while and noticed your post. Congrats--it's a big decision.
I finished up my therapy last November. It was hard the first few weeks and then became easier. What I think was hardest for me was coming to terms with "this is who I am" vs. thinking therapy would continue to change me. There are things that are uncomfortable about being me that always will be there for me and there's some level of acceptance that takes some time--at least for me.
I wanted to finish up because I felt the main reason I was staying in therapy was because I didn't want to say goodbye. Not wanting to say goodbye is not a good reason for staying anywhere. I had some many endings--including therapy--during that period that it all seemed to fit together.
If you haven't read it already, "When To Say Goodbye To Your Therapist" is a great book. They say in there that many people make or continue to make significant changes after therapy and this was the case with me. Also, what you learn in therapy about your past gets more tempered or put into perspective--not sure if that makes sense but losing some of the intensity that therapy provides also gives you a little more balance (e.g. my mother wasn't completely evil!)
Anyway, I'm "babbling" but wanted to chime in. And, if it's not time when the day comes it's not time (sounds like you've had some false starts.) I tapered to once/month for three months before I had my final appt.
Rigby
Posted by Daisym on September 15, 2007, at 0:21:22
In reply to Re: Third time's the charm: termination, posted by Rigby on September 14, 2007, at 21:24:44
You sound ready. I'm learning that it is OK to miss someone you care about -- missing them isn't pathological. Change is hard but life is all about change. And taking what we've learned and moving forward involves some risk and some loss but there is also such huge potential.
I bet your therapist will miss you. I'm very glad you will still get to check in from time to time with him. I certainly hope that you are right, third times the charm.
Posted by Dory on September 15, 2007, at 11:24:17
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
GG i even scrolled through your post without reading it... i am so terrified of that point that i can't read it. i am a long way off from that.
But i wanted to send well wishes and although it scares me a lot, it is also good to know that people really do come out the other end of this.
btw...what type of therapy did you do?
Posted by canadagirl on September 15, 2007, at 23:40:02
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
Oh Gardenergirl, make sure you tell him exactly what is in your heart - how he specifically helped you and what you got out of the therapy and the relationship, how much it meant and how you feel. You will get through termination very very well if you can do this and he will feel wonderful that you told him. Just make sure you do it, believe me make sure you do it.
(from an experienced terminator).
Posted by fallsfall on September 17, 2007, at 14:56:48
In reply to Third time's the charm: termination, posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2007, at 19:09:22
Determination is a good thing! You do sound so ready for this. You can make it work.
This is the end of the thread.
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