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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by myrtledog on May 27, 2008, at 8:19:45
I've posted a couple of times here about the blow after blow after blow way my therapy is going at the moment. This week's annhilating, devasting hit is that my T is getting married this week. I was not prepared to hear this at the end of a very long traumatic session, nor was I in any way prepared for how totally DEVASTATED I would feel. I can only *just* understand this. She has sent some text messages to the Child Me, which have helped,about her having a special place in her heart that is for me and me alone, but I'm staggered at the enormity of my response. I think she will have no more love for me, and I'm jealous and raging.
Anyone relate?
Posted by Dinah on May 27, 2008, at 13:51:28
In reply to T getting married, posted by myrtledog on May 27, 2008, at 8:19:45
You do have a lot going on with her. If I remember correctly, she's moving soon and you'll lose her at that time, but that she'll have to quit seeing you earlier than that because her daughter is ill. And now she's getting married?
That a lot to take in at once. Her life is definitely changing, and that change is affecting you whether she wants it to or not.
My first reaction was to wonder why she couldn't have kept that private until August, since she'll be leaving then anyway. But I suppose that would be impossible to any but the most blank of blank slate therapists.
My therapist got married during the course of our therapy. It was an unwelcome intrusion of his life into our therapy. And it caused me to see him in ways I just didn't want to see him. He's my therapist mommy not someone's husband/lover! I dealt with it by dreaming his new wife told me he was a eunuch.
I can understand why you're upset. I really am sorry all this is hitting you at once.
Posted by myrtledog on May 27, 2008, at 14:01:35
In reply to Re: T getting married, posted by Dinah on May 27, 2008, at 13:51:28
thanks - again (!)- Dinah. You are right about all those facts.
I know there's a lot going on - it feels like I am being pelted by a machine gun. I'm really glad that you understand the difficulty about seeing ones T in a different light. Basically the biggest problem - aside from the heartbreak (she loves someone else more than me) - is having it forced home that my therapist/mommy will "have to have sex". Christ. I can't believe that's the way i feel, but the sobbing over that was unreal. I liked your eunuch thing.
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 27, 2008, at 16:42:03
In reply to T getting married, posted by myrtledog on May 27, 2008, at 8:19:45
Yep. This happened to me when my T got married about 15 years ago. It was horrible. When she was on her honeymoon, my anxiety was through the roof. The last session before her wedding I cried and told her I didn't want her to get married. I felt like the most obnoxious person on the planet, but she handled it well. And it really didn't change anything about our relationship. I promise.
Is your T going to miss any time? If so, why did she wait so long to tell you?
Posted by Dinah on May 27, 2008, at 18:54:09
In reply to Re: T getting married » myrtledog, posted by TherapyGirl on May 27, 2008, at 16:42:03
My therapist didn't tell me until the last minute either. He said he was getting married in two weeks or something, and that I was the first patient he told.
We happened to talk about that the other day, in connection with the current situation. I told him that when he told me he was getting married, I remembered that about six months earlier I had seen a congratulations card displayed on his desk. It was signed by what looked like everyone in his office. I asked him lightly about it as I was waiting for him to write out my receipt, and he told me it was for his birthday. I knew then that he was lying, and I knew when he got married what the lie was. But although it hurt, I understood. It was his life, and his happiness, and he didn't want my reactions to taint his feelings.
I didn't at the time feel as comfortable with him as I do now, and I didn't ask him all the things that bothered me. I did talk about not wanting him to be sexual, and my eunuch dream, without ever glancing upon the fact that he actually was likely to have sex with his wife.
But I didn't have the nerve to ask things like how long he was going away on his honeymoon. So I spent nearly a year worrying about a delayed three month honeymoon trip that he hadn't bothered to tell me about.
When we discussed it the other day, he didn't verify my conclusions of all those years ago. But he didn't deny it either. And my perception based on his expression was that I was correct and he was surprised I remembered and had known all this time that he had lied to me.
I do understand his point of view. And it does hurt, however much I understand. And clearly, since his dream wife told me he was a eunuch, he did not and does not ever have sex with her or anyone else.
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 27, 2008, at 20:04:14
In reply to Re: T getting married, posted by Dinah on May 27, 2008, at 18:54:09
Yeah, my T doesn't have sex with her husband either. It must be a T thing. LOL
This is the end of the thread.
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