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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 16:59:28
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » star008, posted by B2chica on June 2, 2008, at 12:47:32
Thanks for your kind words and the encouragement. I know what you mean about feeling like you are making it up but i know there was no way I could make that one up.. I don't know why I still get the feeling that it isn't real.
My t knows about DID but hasn't really worked with people who have it..He is learning and progress is slow for me. I don't want to find a new T so I will work with him.
Posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 17:03:22
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » B2chica, posted by rskontos on June 2, 2008, at 15:29:18
Thaks RSK.. It is really hard. I know you are quite aware of just how frustrating it is. It took me days to quit dissociating after I switched.. I don't know how to come out of it.. There must be some answers but I haven't found them.. I just wait it out.. Saw my Pdoc the next day and I think he wanted to hospitalize me.. And I wasn't even at my worst..!!
I am uncomfortable about seeing T tomorrow.. This has happned before but not not this bad for a long time.
Posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 17:05:02
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarrassed, posted by lucie lu on June 1, 2008, at 19:24:22
Thaks Lucie.
I just have to make my way through it, I guess.. It just takes so long and I get so tired and depressed about it..I have to see my T tomorrow.. I will let you know how it goes..
Posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 17:09:50
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarrassed » star008, posted by muffled on June 1, 2008, at 11:32:36
Hey muffled.. T is working on learning more. I trust him and don't want to change but I was thinking that if he didn't get with the program that he couldn't help me much. He is pretty good at seeing me switch and calming me down as much as he can. Sometimes he leaves me dissociated though.. Do you leave your T's office like that?? I don't automatically switch back after an hour and sometimes I leave and I am f888ed up..I told him he needs to leave time to get me back into myself but he doesn't always get it..I am tired Muffled.. It sucks badly..
Posted by rskontos on June 3, 2008, at 17:29:42
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » rskontos, posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 17:03:22
Star,
what has helped me the most is constantly telling them, the inners especially the littleones, I believe I have a few that are pre-verbal if you want my honest opinion. My parents started young on us. Anyway, with a lot of inner dialogue between me and them me just repeating over and over again that we will be all ok, even if in the past I have not handled things well I am now trying. And that T no matter how uncomfortable he makes everyone is trying to help and that being there is safe no matter how hard it is. It is helping more and more but is a hard lonely road if you ask me. You know there is so much to do alone in this therapy road man it is hard. But you got us babe to vent to.
I understand and I don't understand it much. DDNOS, DID or whatever it doesn't matter like I railed at my therapist. I am what I am. I have something that doesn't make much sense to me or to alot of people how I can just disappear inside my head yet seem to be around to others just doesn't seem right but it is what is happening. The professionals can call it whatever they want. I have lived with it for 49 years not calling it anything yet it exists in my head. I have my own personal opinions about DD as a whole that they have only scratched the surface of it. Because like most of us, we keep so much to ourselves so how would they, the professionals really know. I share about 1/4 or maybe even 1/32 of what really goes on.But what I do know is this don't be embarrassed. I was when I switched one day. I believed that I switched to one of the non-verbal ones or she is at least only about 3 or so. And I did not talk to him much or cry I just sat there. He did not realize it. Finally I came out of but I did not make that happen. My H can bring out of sometimes. But not sometimes. Afterwards I felt so bad and why, it is not something I choose to do. It is embarrasing but it should not be, we are trying to get help. You are doing the right thing by working through it. You are being brave.
I will send you good vibes in case that helps. ((((((((Star)))))
rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 3, 2008, at 17:34:00
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarrassed » muffled, posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 17:09:50
You know star, my p-doc the one with the loads of experience with DD, I asked to make sure, has done that to me too. I think that is part of why I am holding back. To go deeper would certainly bring things up more. Things slowed down for a while and might start up again. I will be faced with a choice of what to do if I can't manage it.
But I understand how going to T's opens up the flood gates to areas that often bring about switching. Your t needs to help with settling you like B2C does and I don't think she has loads of experience with DD just seems to be a good T.It will be nice to hear how Muffled's new experienced DD t helps her when the flood gates open up.
I hate this whole thing sometimes.
I am so sorry you are hurting. I am sorry for all of us you know.
rsk
Posted by Lucie Lu on June 3, 2008, at 20:39:03
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarrassed » lucie lu, posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 17:05:02
Star, did you meet with your T yet? You know, when I was in the worst of it, all fragmented like you're feeling, what was most comforting was my T's attitude, he was like, it's all OK, don't panic, there's just a whole spectrum of dissociative experiences and you can be anywhere on it. He was calming and soothing without downplaying my distress. I felt encouraged, like I could move anywhere on that spectrum and he would be there with me and also that I was not stuck being in the worst places but it was OK when I was. It helped me that he could empathize with my distress while still helping us both believe in the prospects for my recovery. It also helped to not feel like I was locked into a diagnosis, that I was more than a diagnosis and that every case, my case, was completely individual and never something out of a textbook. He was so right. Integration is not a state you are in or out of so much as a process that goes on for many of us throughout our lives. I still tend to fragment under stress (like now, as a matter of fact!) but get more and more integrated as the years go by. My T taught me you can be very injured and yet always still be healing. I hope you can feel the same. You are obviously at one of your distressed places. I feel for you and wish you all the best. -LL
Posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 22:04:37
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » star008, posted by rskontos on June 3, 2008, at 17:34:00
I am sorry all of us go through this too.. It isn't fair but then,. life isn't fair is it?? My T is trying to learn.. I kinda wish I wasn't the first one.. He has been a T for years and years but has not run across anyone like me. He told me he has only had two or three clients who were DID and I am one of them.. I don't know what happened to the other ones or if he referred them somewhere. He is a great T.. just doesn't have the experience in this one. He is reading books!!! lol
You might hold back if you are afraid.. It does feel bad to lose control. You are right too, we are all alone in so much of this. We have each other here but out in the world there is no one to tell..It gets very lonely..
thanks RSK.. I am trying.. Afraid to go to see T tomorrow..
Posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 22:07:24
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarrassed, posted by Lucie Lu on June 3, 2008, at 20:39:03
Lucie,,
I just am having trouble being positive right now.. Yes, I am in a bad place and it is hard to look ahead and be positive about recovery and getting past all of this. My T tries to point out the positive stuff like your but I can't take it in.. It all just makes me kind of angry and makes me feel a little sick.. Doesn't make sense but that is how I feel.. blah.. thanks Lucie
Posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 23:37:54
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » star008, posted by rskontos on June 3, 2008, at 17:29:42
rsk.. i have some really little ones too..forgot to tell you.. the one I went into was preverbal as far as I can tell.. I was so scared.. I don't remember anything happening or ever being that scared but if you aren't allowed to feel, do you think the feelings just get buried but are still there?? I want to hear about muffleds new T too.. I think she gets sad coming here when stuff happens.. I know i do
Posted by muffled on June 4, 2008, at 0:40:16
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » rskontos, posted by star008 on June 3, 2008, at 23:37:54
hey star, sorry you feeling bad.
i'm sure your t will be fine.
I am having hard time w/transition of T'S.Hard to lose oldT who I had trust and attach.
But she keep not 'getting' DD stuff. I wanto beleive she does and I be fooling myself, cuz she would say something that from a Dd POV was kinda dumb, and I realize she DON'T get it. OldT I still like cuz she was good, but she could not do DD stuff.
I have only second appt so far w/DD T. She not there next week so she was pretty keeping it toned down today.
Its just so cool when she just 'gets' stuff. Blows me away. She has much experience and has written stuff and done seminars and stuff.
She even cottoned on to the fact that I would prefer her to enter the room first w/o me asking. She understood that it would be hard that she has a week off when we just starting. She know lots bout SI.
W/oldT I was always trying to explain stuff to HER, bout DD. But w/new T I can talk bout whats actually happening, cuz she ALREADY know bout DD.She asks good questions.
So I feel very fortunate to have found her.
But who knows, its only 2 sessions, mebbe she will be useless.
I just am REALLY liking that she 'gets' stuff. MANNOMAN that is amazing. Little things, can't remember now, but she gets it.
Star, I dunno, if your T kinda understands, mebbe it will be ok.
I know I get SO depressed when talking bout my 'others' in T. I fall in a black hole. I say to T today, I just want it to go away, is there a way I can just make it go away????? She said yes, but it takes time.
Mebbe you could look around and find w/help of your T and see if there IS a DD T around thats good and start with a consult like I did? Thats a safer way of trying it out.
damn, it just feels so good, yet frightening to be understood.
I try and keep you posted.
I not here so much.
I REALLY REALLY tired and I go now.
Star I really do wish you the best.
Take care,
M
Posted by B2chica on June 4, 2008, at 8:23:00
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » star008, posted by rskontos on June 3, 2008, at 17:29:42
wow..RSK.
how well worded you are.
this was really, really good to read. so true and so spot on.
i know it wasn't directed to me, but thank you.
b2c.> Star,
> what has helped me the most is constantly telling them, the inners especially the littleones, I believe I have a few that are pre-verbal if you want my honest opinion. My parents started young on us. Anyway, with a lot of inner dialogue between me and them me just repeating over and over again that we will be all ok, even if in the past I have not handled things well I am now trying. And that T no matter how uncomfortable he makes everyone is trying to help and that being there is safe no matter how hard it is. It is helping more and more but is a hard lonely road if you ask me. You know there is so much to do alone in this therapy road man it is hard. But you got us babe to vent to.
> I understand and I don't understand it much. DDNOS, DID or whatever it doesn't matter like I railed at my therapist. I am what I am. I have something that doesn't make much sense to me or to alot of people how I can just disappear inside my head yet seem to be around to others just doesn't seem right but it is what is happening. The professionals can call it whatever they want. I have lived with it for 49 years not calling it anything yet it exists in my head. I have my own personal opinions about DD as a whole that they have only scratched the surface of it. Because like most of us, we keep so much to ourselves so how would they, the professionals really know. I share about 1/4 or maybe even 1/32 of what really goes on.
>
> But what I do know is this don't be embarrassed. I was when I switched one day. I believed that I switched to one of the non-verbal ones or she is at least only about 3 or so. And I did not talk to him much or cry I just sat there. He did not realize it. Finally I came out of but I did not make that happen. My H can bring out of sometimes. But not sometimes. Afterwards I felt so bad and why, it is not something I choose to do. It is embarrasing but it should not be, we are trying to get help. You are doing the right thing by working through it. You are being brave.
>
> I will send you good vibes in case that helps. ((((((((Star)))))
>
> rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 4, 2008, at 13:21:37
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras » rskontos, posted by B2chica on June 4, 2008, at 8:23:00
B2c, you are so welcome and thanks for the compliment. I have thought and read a great deal about DID. I have also been studying the brain and how it functions. I am coming to some of my own conclusions. I believe, and this is just my own hypothsis is that DID is unique to the individual as their own brain is to them. We each deal with the trauma that sets it off. We have an ability to dissociate that is greater than the average population. That is a given. But what isn't a given is the circumstances that surround each person and the developmental stage or state they are in which is unique to them due to how each person develops according to their own set of genetics. So it would stand to reason that DID for each person could look, feel and be different and may share some similarities while feeling totally different too. And for docs they only have what other patients have told them. I don't know about you, but for me, there is a huge amount I have not shared. I don't think there is enough known. My brain just does some quirky things at quirky times. It is not medical. I have had CT, MRI, and all kinds of tests neurological. I am on a meds for seizure prevention yet my fugues continue. I was on so high a dosage I forgot 4 letter words like stay and step. But the fugue states continued and no one noticed, not my husband who has lived with me for 20 plus years. You would think he would notice.
I told my pdoc I think secrecy was so important to me, that my inners took names, I know some of them but in public they use my name. It is the way it is. They have told me the name. Now my p-doc has had limited exposure to them. We are all still in protection mode, no real trust yet. They called him the other day and cancelled an appt. my husband had with him. I did not know it happened. And p-doc did not any difference either. Ha they have his number.
Anyway, I am glad I have helped you. I found a very good article online that helped me think about did. I will post it if.
rsk
Posted by star008 on June 5, 2008, at 1:43:47
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one/star » B2chica, posted by rskontos on June 4, 2008, at 13:21:37
rsk
I gotta say too, that you rreally have alot of great things to say.... You always do but this must be a good time for you since you are putting it all together and being as positive as you can about it. You sound as though you are in a good place right now being able to share so much of what you have learned. It is so hard to do sometimes. it means so much to me to know I am not alone in this.,,.. You might not be here but at least there are people out there that I can talk to who won't think I am nuts.
Posted by star008 on June 5, 2008, at 1:49:13
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one, embarras, posted by muffled on June 4, 2008, at 0:40:16
Posted by B2chica on June 5, 2008, at 8:24:13
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one/star » B2chica, posted by rskontos on June 4, 2008, at 13:21:37
Rsk i would love to read Anything that you found good online. as i can't seem to find anything. i can find personal stories but that just doens't seem to help me too much since they are so different than mine.
so please, any info i can read up on i would be VERY greatful.
THANK YOU!
b2c
Posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:05:42
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one/star » rskontos, posted by star008 on June 5, 2008, at 1:43:47
Star, it is funny but I am not really in a particularly good place which causes me to think more. I am in somewhat of limbo land in regards to therapy. I had a disagreement with my T again and called him a money grubbing, etc etc etc and that he reinforced my notion of how suspect men especially really were. And how untrustworthy people really were and on and on. In essence, one of us went off. I am not sure why he insists in treating me but he called back and apologized and then called back again to make sure I was coming on Monday (I had cancelled) and to tell me we needed to discuss how he can convince me he isn't out to get me. Not sure he can. Anyway, all this has led me to think ALOT. I have been floaty again. My new dissociative state word. I like to deny my states sometimes.
Anyway, thanks for the compliement of great things to say. I just hope I helped you and I am glad you have people to talk to. I really don't and I believe that does help. But I have BAbble!
And geez you aren't nuts. My sister called me last the night the one i have not been in contact with for over 14 years and her soon to be ex is the nutty one. When she started to tell me all the has been going on, well let's just say the comparison of true nuttiness made things all too clear of a man that is insane. You are truly sane.
You will be ok. You are doing something good for yourself.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:08:14
In reply to Re: ddnos information » rskontos, posted by B2chica on June 5, 2008, at 8:24:13
Here is one: I am not sure I can get it to be a link due to my stupid mac
http://www.isst-d.org/education/Adult%20DD%20Treatment%20Guidelines-ISSTD-JTD-2005.pdf
I will post another one I have to go to my firefox browser for it as it in that favorite list.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:11:33
In reply to Re: ddnos information » rskontos, posted by B2chica on June 5, 2008, at 8:24:13
Here is another one: both of these links I posted I like these articles.
http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/steele-2001.php
Perhaps the first one is my favorite but I like this one too.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:13:03
In reply to Re: ddnos information » B2chica, posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:11:33
find these articles helpful too. rsk
Posted by star008 on June 6, 2008, at 17:35:19
In reply to Re: Sorry star if hijacked thread, hope you..., posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:13:03
Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2008, at 11:30:38
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one/star » B2chica, posted by rskontos on June 4, 2008, at 13:21:37
I like what you said here about experiences being so different. A lot of times I shy away from threads about alters or inners because the experience is so very different from my own that it scares me a bit. So I don't respond because of my own issues.
I've never been formally diagnosed with anything dissociative, but my therapist talks in terms of DD-NOS. And I do have quite a talent for dissociation. But it just doesn't *look* like anything I've ever heard of.
Posted by muffled on June 8, 2008, at 17:22:14
In reply to Re: ddnos switched in front of T bad one » rskontos, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2008, at 11:30:38
I been on DD website, and the experience is quite variable.
I beleive its on a continuum, AND can be like a sine wave on that continuum. And can change at anytime.
So ya, it diff. But it IS nice when others can relate, or I can read what others experience and say AH! its not just me.
Dinah, you just SO special you one of a kind!!! LOL!!!
((Dinah))
M
Posted by B2chica on June 9, 2008, at 15:24:50
In reply to Re: ddnos information » B2chica, posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:11:33
thanks for the links RK!
i've only read 1/2 of it and my heads starting to hurt a little..lol
its not a good 'reading' day.
i'll have to come back to it tomorrow.its very good though
thanks again!
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on June 9, 2008, at 15:26:21
In reply to Re: ddnos information » B2chica, posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:11:33
i really liked this part
Phase 2: Treatment of traumatic memories.
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