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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on June 4, 2008, at 16:55:24
I was calling him to set up an appointment for her. He's booked up for at least 2 months. He called me and said he had a cancellation today at 2:00. I called back and said I would have her come since it worked out with her work schedule. We were playing phone tag, but when he called back I was able to answer.
I haven't talked to him for several months, but it seemed so good to talk to him. I think he and I agree on some of the things my daughter does that are destructive. One good example is how she has the father of her baby (she placed for adoption)back in her life.
;o(
Her T asked me if there was anything at all that I liked about him, the boyfriend. I said nope, not one thing! He said he felt the same way and has tried every way to point it out to her. I said she lost her "Dad" when I left him, and now he's in jail, she lost her baby, by the adoption, and those are 2 significant losses. I said she is craving attention, he's there so she takes what she can get. I'm at my wits end with her. Why she choses to be in this relationship with such a loser.
I guess my point is, talking to him on the phone made me miss my T terribly. I have no plans to see her again, but I have until September to decide, or longer if I need it. He asked me how I was doing, asked about my new job and how things were going for me. It makes me cry to think about it. I miss having someone that cares about me and my kids, not just my daughter that sees him.
I wish I could tell my T how much she hurt me by the things she said and did. I told her last week when I saw her for the last time but I'm afraid she's so angry with me she didn't care.
I have so many regrets. I had so many things all at once hit me that I didn't handle them with my usual strength. It's been hard for me to process everything on my own.
Just venting........
LadyBug
Posted by rskontos on June 4, 2008, at 21:57:31
In reply to Talked to my Daughter's T today....., posted by LadyBug on June 4, 2008, at 16:55:24
Vent away sweet Ladybug, you deserve so much more from your t, who for the record, IMHO, seems to be thinking only of herself. And I might add, I would think would have come to her senses by now. Alas, she is still in her own little narrow world. I am so sorry for that since you do rightly deserve closure and support and her supportive shoulder to lean on not her "I needed to teach how to stand on your own feet lectures". I feel that you have done so very well with all that you have been faced with, dealt with better than so many would have. How would she have dealt with all of this I ask. I am sorry she is not there for you. Might I submit that we are here as a substitute, maybe not as good since we are not IRL but we are willing and able.
((((((((Ladybug))))))))
rsk
Posted by star008 on June 5, 2008, at 2:25:41
In reply to Talked to my Daughter's T today....., posted by LadyBug on June 4, 2008, at 16:55:24
You have been through so much it is no wonder you are hurting. Why don't you look for someone else to talk to?? there are agencies that will see you on a sliding scale until you get insurance.. I am so sorry that so many things have happened to you.. to lose your support on top of it all has to hurt..
Posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 8:54:11
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » LadyBug, posted by rskontos on June 4, 2008, at 21:57:31
Thanks rsk, I do need my babble friends right now. I need a place to put my thoughts. I write in a journal everyday about the feelings I have towards my T and what has happened. I'm pretty angry at her and I'm sure she is with me as well. How can she honestly live with herself unless she is in denial about the things she said to me and how it made me feel. I'm pretty sure this is the case. She told me the only thing she said to me that changed anything at all was that I couldn't leave her any more voice mails unless they have to do with scheduling. Whatever, I told her I was always wrong and she was always right in her eyes. She stopped dead in her track and just stared at me for a moment. I miss her but don't know if I could talk to her if I had the chance.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on June 5, 2008, at 9:18:00
In reply to Talked to my Daughter's T today....., posted by LadyBug on June 4, 2008, at 16:55:24
I'm glad you were able to tell her last time, but sorry she wasn't able to hear.
Why was *she* angry? I realize of course that the calm therapist who accepts our anger with no feelings of their own is a myth. And in general, even though their anger is their responsibility, I think I prefer those therapists who express that anger. But *only* if they express it constructively, by owning it, and by holding on tight to the desire for resolving it.
It sounds as if your daughter has a really caring therapist. That's wonderful. But I can see why it would make you sad for what you had.
Posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 9:24:28
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » LadyBug, posted by star008 on June 5, 2008, at 2:25:41
Thanks star, I it means a lot. I've got a bitter taste for therapy right now. I'm wondering about the whole process?
I'm so tired I can't stand it..........stress. I need a break from life. But that's not an option.
I'm just trying to get through each day. I wish the people in my real life would take into consideration what I've been through. I don't want pity, but I do want them to know I'm not functioning the way I could be.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 9:37:43
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on June 5, 2008, at 9:18:00
Hi Dinah!
The feeling why I feel she is or was angry with me was because she said she was frustrated with me in the way I fell apart over the adoption of my grandson. I had so much grief going on and she felt my grief was over taking my daughter's grief. It's complicated, or it was complicated. I had too many stressful things hit me all at once. My parents going to assisted living, me leaving my husband, financial matters what were not mine but affected me, moving to a new place, my daughter's pregnancy and finally the birth and adoption. It all hit really hard in one week and she never took it all into consideration like I felt she could have. I thought she was cold towards me when I told her about my grandson's birth and adoption. I guess she'd had it with me by then. Wow, I didn't handle it in the manor she thought I should have.
My weakness. I failed in her eyes.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on June 5, 2008, at 10:20:45
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 9:37:43
Hmmm...
That sounds like her issue, not yours. This is your therapy, not your daughter's. So of course in this time the focus is on you and how you feel. It doesn't mean that you weren't supportive of your daughter outside of your therapy. And if you were overwhelmed by a cascade of problems, well surely that's what therapy is there to help you with?
I'm really sorry, Ladybug. So much going on in your life. You didn't need this loss on top of all the others.
Posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 11:24:03
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today....., posted by Dinah on June 5, 2008, at 10:20:45
I totally agree with you Dinah!!!! Why should she be worried about my level of grieving above my daughters? And I agree with you, isn't this what therapy is about, to help be supportive of my issues no matter who they are about? Isn't this just crazy? Am I clueless with her? Am I out of it to be angry with my T. I don't even know what to do, every time I've talked to her, the past few sessions have been so negative. I feel like things have turned out so badly and I fear talking to her anymore will make matters even worse. Though I can't even bare to take that chance.
LadyBug
Posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:37:41
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 11:24:03
Ladybug, giving up a first grandchild is HUGE deal so she is OFF her rocker. I mean this. I have a 20 year old daughter and if I went through what you went through I would be crushed. She is so off she is in The Land Before TIme. I am sorry she can't understand and that is all the more reason you don't really need her. She can't see past the forest for the damn trees. Now she is making me mad. I think that no matter what grief is grief and you have a right to feel how you do and did at that time. I am not sure her position gives her the right to tell you how you felt is right or wrong.
No you are NOT out of line to be angry with her. She isn't my t and I am angry at her for the way she is being for you. I want to give her a piece of my mind. She is dead wrong on this. She owes you a big apology and flowers. Nothing else will suffice.
rsk
Posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 19:03:18
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today....ladybug., posted by rskontos on June 5, 2008, at 15:37:41
Thanks rsk
I am mad at her!!!!! I told her she didn't have a clue what I've been through with the adoption!!!!! She has grandkids and I'm sure she adores them, try giving one of them up and see how it feels. But, she's too good to have anything like that ever happen to her. I really don't think I can ever contact her again. I'm angry as hell at her. She doesn't see it as her fault. Maybe she needs to pull her head out of her golden a** and take a look around and realize other people actually have to suffer some things in life. Obviously she isn't one of them. She must have the perfect family and everything to go along with it!
I'm going to give her a cyber kick in the butt! She deserves it. I'll never get a I'm sorry from her. Not now, not ever.........
LadyBug
Posted by muffled on June 5, 2008, at 22:22:23
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 11:24:03
Posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 23:29:27
In reply to Golden *ss!!! LOVE it! Luv ya (nm) » LadyBug, posted by muffled on June 5, 2008, at 22:22:23
Thanks Muffled! Yes! She thinks it's golden alright!!!!!!!!!! Can gold become bruised??? That cyber kick may just do it!
Posted by muffled on June 6, 2008, at 9:18:45
In reply to Re: Golden *ss!!! LOVE it! Luv ya » muffled, posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 23:29:27
Posted by star008 on June 6, 2008, at 17:52:57
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » star008, posted by LadyBug on June 5, 2008, at 9:24:28
I understand the bitterness you must be feeling but it might be easier for you if you weren't so alone in all of this,. I am sorry you are hurting. I think if you had someone to tell all of this too it might ease up a bit.. I do understand why you would be hesitant though. With all that you have been though, to have your relationship with your T fall aprt it is no wonder you feel bad.. Really, it is up to her to repair it.. It is her job to keep things in order and work out conflicts.. This is just too bad..
Posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2008, at 12:49:14
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » LadyBug, posted by star008 on June 6, 2008, at 17:52:57
Lady Bug don't know about you but handle things when going on fall apart when they are over. Try and keep busy and rest a lot and if you excercise do some too. May help. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. love Phillipa
Posted by LadyBug on June 7, 2008, at 14:20:43
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » LadyBug, posted by star008 on June 6, 2008, at 17:52:57
Thanks star, I agree it is up to her to iron things out, but I don't think she will even try.
;o(
Posted by LadyBug on June 7, 2008, at 14:24:17
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today....., posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2008, at 12:49:14
Phillipa
I do take rests and I work hard while at work. I have a great attitude inspite of all I've had to go through. I didn't need to lose my T right now, it hurts. But in time I suppose I'll get over it. Maybe with some miracle she'll call me come Sept and I don't contact her? Then again, I think I know her well enough to know she'll leave the contact up to me.
What a mess, I never dreamed our 11 year realtionship would end this way.
Posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2008, at 19:59:09
In reply to Re: Talked to my Daughter's T today..... » Phillipa, posted by LadyBug on June 7, 2008, at 14:24:17
I'm really sorry. A lot of years. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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