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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by brassneck on June 14, 2008, at 14:48:10
For those of you who cry/have cried during your sessions--how do/did your therapists respond? I haven't been able to cry in front of my therapist yet, but I often find myself having to fight back tears as I leave, and I suspect that I might break down during our session on Monday, as a couple of pretty traumatic things have happened to me in the past few days. I know that all therapists are different, etc., etc., and that hearing your stories won't really help me to predict how he will react, but it might be kind of comforting/helpful anyway!
Posted by seldomseen on June 14, 2008, at 17:04:20
In reply to Crying in therapy, posted by brassneck on June 14, 2008, at 14:48:10
Mine doesn't react at all when I cry. Sometimes he'll hand me a box of Kleenex if it is out of reach.
I've cried a river in that office and he just rolls with it.
Seldom.
Posted by 10derHeart on June 14, 2008, at 18:00:40
In reply to Re: Crying in therapy, posted by seldomseen on June 14, 2008, at 17:04:20
My experience was about the same as Seldom's. Rivers, streams, lakes, possibly an ocean toward the end as I "prepared" (ha!) to move 2000 miles away from him. He took tears seriously, but without overtly commenting on them at all. He often looked sad, but no other major reactions. He's been doing this for 30+ years so he's seen an awful lot of tears, from so many people, for so many reasons, I suppose.
But, I've never been one to mind crying in front of most other people (except at work) too much, anyway, except for the problem of how physically ugly I think I look while doing it, so I probably never had the usual anxiety about the possibility of crying in therapy. I was going there *to* cry. In fact, I can't think of too many sessions where I didn't cry - somewhere from a few, random tears to full blown multi-tissue cover-my-face-I-look-so-gross crying. I'm a crier - period.
My T. was neutral to quietly caring about me crying - as I'm sure the vast majority are. Very important for me, too, as I had experienced criticism and complete dismissal of the feelings behind it in my past, by an ex-husband and and ex-boyfriend. I'm sure I would have been hurt and confused by any similar reactions from my T.
He used to say, just like when I'd get angry, raise my voice, and curse - then apologize, "I don't mind when you (swear)(cry) at all. It's part of what I'm here for. It just communicates how intensely you're feeling something and how important it is to you. Why wouldn't I want to know that?" ((ex-T.)))
I'll bet it'll go fine if you do cry, and probably be a big relief. Can you talk to your T. about your fears of crying or show him your post, maybe before it happens, when you're feeling more dispassionate? That might help, if it's something you think you could do.
Posted by Dinah on June 15, 2008, at 9:57:04
In reply to Crying in therapy, posted by brassneck on June 14, 2008, at 14:48:10
Mine doesn't react in any extreme way to my tears. He might offer a kleenex, since unless my nose is dripping I tend to let my tears just fall.
I don't cry a lot in therapy, but he has always responded sensitively to it.
Posted by Phillipa on June 15, 2008, at 12:41:20
In reply to Re: Crying in therapy » brassneck, posted by Dinah on June 15, 2008, at 9:57:04
Same here no reaction but not even kleenex in the office boy she is cold and see her tomorrow probably last time. Phillipa
Posted by Happyflower on June 15, 2008, at 15:53:38
In reply to Crying in therapy, posted by brassneck on June 14, 2008, at 14:48:10
Hi Brassneck,
As a child I wasn't allowed to cry, in fact things became much worse if I did for any reason. So when I married my husband he of course was not brought up like that and he shows tears, and it allowed me to be able to trust to show those in front of him or the my kids.
But with my first T, I didn't feel comfortable with him to do it. But now with my 2nd T, he is so kind , sensitive, and accepting, I feel okay to cry in front of him. In fact I cry about 1 out of every 2 sessions. If he doesn't know why their are tears, like if it is during EMDR, he will ask what is going on. If he knows he will keep quiet and let me cry and when I calm down we will talk about it or do more EMDR.
Good luck tomorrow. If it helps any, your T has probably seen lots of clients cry, so for him it won't be as big of a deal as it will be for you because are showing a vulnerable side to yourself. He will be probably feel good about it actually that you are showing your emotions.
Posted by brassneck on June 15, 2008, at 20:41:38
In reply to Re: Crying in therapy » brassneck, posted by Happyflower on June 15, 2008, at 15:53:38
> Hi Brassneck,
>
> As a child I wasn't allowed to cry, in fact things became much worse if I did for any reason. So when I married my husband he of course was not brought up like that and he shows tears, and it allowed me to be able to trust to show those in front of him or the my kids.Yeah, not being allowed to cry is pretty rough. My parents always verbally encouraged me to show my emotions, but didn't respond very positively when I cried about certain things, so I was always pretty conflicted about it.
> Good luck tomorrow. If it helps any, your T has probably seen lots of clients cry, so for him it won't be as big of a deal as it will be for you because are showing a vulnerable side to yourself. He will be probably feel good about it actually that you are showing your emotions.Thanks! Yeah, I should really try to keep that in mind--that it won't be nearly as big a deal for him as it will be for me. I have a feeling he'll be happy about it, actually, as you say, because it'll be a big breakthrough for me if I let myself be that vulnerable with him.
Posted by brassneck on June 15, 2008, at 20:44:20
In reply to Re: Crying in therapy, posted by Phillipa on June 15, 2008, at 12:41:20
> Same here no reaction but not even kleenex in the office boy she is cold and see her tomorrow probably last time. Phillipa
No kleenex in the office? That's pretty bold. Actually, now that I think of it, I'm not sure that mine keeps any in the office either. Maybe they're just not in plain view? Sorry to hear she's so cold. :-/
Posted by brassneck on June 15, 2008, at 20:51:01
In reply to Re: Crying in therapy » seldomseen, posted by 10derHeart on June 14, 2008, at 18:00:40
> But, I've never been one to mind crying in front of most other people (except at work) too much, anyway, except for the problem of how physically ugly I think I look while doing it
Yeah, I worry about that, too. I really hate that I care, though! Especially because I never think that other people look ugly when they cry in front of me. I tend to find it attractive, even. In a way.
> He used to say, just like when I'd get angry, raise my voice, and curse - then apologize, "I don't mind when you (swear)(cry) at all. It's part of what I'm here for. It just communicates how intensely you're feeling something and how important it is to you. Why wouldn't I want to know that?" ((ex-T.)))
>
> I'll bet it'll go fine if you do cry, and probably be a big relief. Can you talk to your T. about your fears of crying or show him your post, maybe before it happens, when you're feeling more dispassionate? That might help, if it's something you think you could do.Your ex-therapist sounds really nice. I think mine will be good, too, but it's still scary to think about. I've mentioned to him before that I don't like to cry in front of people, so he knows that it'll be hard for me whenever it ends up happening with him. We'll see what transpires tomorrow.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 18, 2008, at 14:52:24
In reply to Re: Crying in therapy » 10derHeart, posted by brassneck on June 15, 2008, at 20:51:01
I think I have only cried 2 times in 5 years (too much stuff in there to cry).
My t says that "tears are beautiful"
This is the end of the thread.
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