![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Looney Tunes on July 28, 2008, at 15:24:21
Can you recall when you first started therapy..
When did you talk about yourself?
How long until you felt the T was right for you?I just feel so weird. All I do is stare at the floor and barely talk. I don't care about the silences because mostly I think "F*ck you T, I won't let you in."
Sometimes T gets me to talk, but usually my responses are very defensive and protective. T allows for silences, so we could sit their in silence the whole time.
Is this what it was like for you??
The last time I was in therapy for a number of years, I went in under crisis conditions. And that T was fabulous. She knew EXACTLY what to do with me.
Now, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I need therapy, but I just don't trust nor care about T.
Posted by raisinb on July 28, 2008, at 15:39:10
In reply to When you first started therapy? - HELP, posted by Looney Tunes on July 28, 2008, at 15:24:21
Before I started with my current therapist, I'd seen six or eight others--most for only a couple sessions, one for four months, another for six. I enjoyed the opportunity to vent, but it didn't affect me much one way or the other.
When I started with this one, I talked freely for several weeks, as I usually do. Kind of jokey, funny, light. One day she confronted me on this. I'd been talking about my childhood. She asked, wasn't it a struggle to tell her this? Because she felt that my emotions weren't going with what I was saying. That she didn't feel that I was attached to her or trusted her at all, and that she could lose me as a client at any moment. That I didn't really engage or care one way or the other.
Well, that did it. All at once all my transference feelings rushed in and it's been a pretty intense ride ever since. I've thought a lot about what that comment--and her forthright, open manner of saying it--meant unconsciously to me. It might have been the implication that it was okay--even expected--to care. Or her willingness to confront me directly, which showed caring and engagement on her part. Or maybe even that she thought about whether I'd stay or not. In retrospect it seems like all this stuff was just inside me waiting to be triggered, but it was a shock to me at the time.
I doubt that now, three years later, it would have much effect on me, since we've gone so much deeper since then. But it was striking then.
It did not make me think she was right for me. As a matter of fact it made me want to run a hundred miles in the other direction. It made me feel helpless, resentful, and trapped. But it also made me feel inexplicably attached to her and there was something that made me keep coming back because I couldn't leave these issues alone--they'd become too real to me.
Posted by sunnydays on July 28, 2008, at 15:43:41
In reply to When you first started therapy? - HELP, posted by Looney Tunes on July 28, 2008, at 15:24:21
I was silent the majority of the time when I first started therapy. My T left lots of silences (as did I :) ). It probably took me over a year before I really started talking and came out of my shell. I didn't even realize that I was scared since I was so used to feeling that way all the time, but now I realize that I was just utterly terrified at being there. Asking people for help is not something I do lightly.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2008, at 16:44:50
In reply to When you first started therapy? - HELP, posted by Looney Tunes on July 28, 2008, at 15:24:21
We followed a really simple CBT format at the beginning. Straight out of "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook". He also had handouts.
I don't think there was one assignment I didn't argue about. I couldn't name my feelings, so we spent an awfully long time arguing whether "ok" was a feeling.
I was a CBT nightmare.
I didn't really know how to use therapy either, I think. It was a time in my life where I was trying to make decisions, and I really wanted him to help me sort out the variables and decide. Apparently i didn't do it in a way usual in therapy because he would often look at a loss.
But all that time I also was attached like crazy, for no particular reason I can see.
Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2008, at 17:17:15
In reply to When you first started therapy? - HELP, posted by Looney Tunes on July 28, 2008, at 15:24:21
Of course, not every therapist is right for every client. I think I'd have to go through a goodly number to find one I considered promising.
Do you think maybe it's just missing that indefinable click?
Posted by raisinb on July 28, 2008, at 18:27:12
In reply to When you first started therapy? - HELP, posted by Looney Tunes on July 28, 2008, at 15:24:21
I don't know, Looney Tunes, it sounds like this therapist pushes your buttons.
Once I said to my therapist--when I was angry--that this was not the best fit. She said, "I disagree. I think it's a perfect fit." I asked how she could think that, given the fact that we fought so much. She said, "because we push each other's buttons so much."
So, maybe that is a point of view worth considering. I don't know if it applies to your situation, but that might be what she would say.
Posted by backseatdriver on July 29, 2008, at 14:42:00
In reply to Re: When you first started therapy? - HELP » Looney Tunes, posted by raisinb on July 28, 2008, at 18:27:12
Just want to chime in here about button-pushing therapists. If you both can handle the conflict, which can be intense, I think it's the shortest path to improvement. I had a non-confrontational therapist for years and my growth was very slow. I now have a more confrontational therapist and I'm growing much faster. The process is also more painful, however. But I'm dealing.
The transference is of the Bermuda Triangle type: strange, stormy, scary, deep.
Another way to look at it: I don't think I could handle this transference without my previous, more distant and calm transference with my first T.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.