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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by onceupon on July 31, 2008, at 17:15:07
Hi everyone - intermittent lurker, past poster here. I haven't posted in years though, and can't remember my old posting name. Looks like the community has changed a bit since I've last been here.
Anyways, I'm hoping to get some feedback on my recent experiences. For at least the past year (and probably longer), I've felt distinctly disengaged from most everything and everyone around me. Not necessarily dissociated, as I've experienced that in the past too, but kind of like I'm operating on two planes. On one level, I'm interacting with other people, keeping up my end of the conversation, etc., but on another, I'm blank. There's no "there" there - as I read somewhere else. Sometimes, underneath the superficial chatter, I'm vaguely thinking about other things, but not really clearly enough to make any sense of the thoughts. Just chatter.
Not sure if I'm describing this well, but I'm wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar. It's frustrating, and is connected with ongoing thoughts about suicide - more like images of suicide - because it feels like if this is "as good as it gets," why bother? That sounds kind of flippant, which is not my intent. It's more that I can't imagine living in this fog for the rest of my life.
I don't know exactly what brought this about. I've been depressed off and on in the past, and recently started back on an antidepressant after several years off because I was waking up every day thinking I CANNOT do this anymore. And so on. I have a year and a half old son who is probably the only thing keeping me going at this point, and I figure that in part, this is long-term sleep deprivation talking, but I think it's also related to feeling inadequate and somewhat lost as a parent.
Why am I posting this on this board? I've been in therapy for the past year too. I've seen a bunch of other therapists in the past too, but it had been awhile. I like this one for the most part, but I feel like I'm not making much progress. I know that this is more my thing than the therapist's. Like I said, I'm not engaged in much of anything right now, including therapy. Most of the time when I'm there, I can't formulate my thoughts very well and don't know what to say. I'd like to address my relationship with my therapist, because I think I've got a huge maternal transference run amok at the moment, but when I've approached the topic in the past (albeit peripherally), she hasn't really taken the bait, so to speak.
Gah, I think this entire post is a snapshot of what's going on for me right now. Difficulties formulating my thoughts, connecting to my emotions, sharing them with other people. If anyone has read this far, thanks, and has anyone been through this and come out the other side? Am I as crazy as I feel sometimes?
Thanks for reading - hope I can offer support to others as well.
Posted by Daisym on July 31, 2008, at 18:57:06
In reply to that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by onceupon on July 31, 2008, at 17:15:07
Welcome back.
You sound very much like an overwhelmed parent - too many balls to juggle and no sleep. I very much want you to go get a physical - and have your hormones checked, if you are the mom. (You didn't say male or female.) This may be a case of perinatal mood disorder/depression. It is common in folks who had depression and then become parents. And you may not be on the right medication. I found that some of the meds make you fuzzy and out of touch with yourself.
The other thing I would suggest is writing/journaling, if you don't already. Research has shown that the act of writing is organizing and brings both sides of the brain together. It may take awhile, but you will begin to feel more connected to you day, your life and your activities. Work to stay in the moment with your toddler - if you feel yourself drifting or questioning, bring yourself back. And give yourself as much sensory input from the moment as you can. Notice the colors, the smells, the temperature.
It takes work to get back in your body. But it gets easier after awhile.
Posted by Hermitian on July 31, 2008, at 19:29:21
In reply to that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by onceupon on July 31, 2008, at 17:15:07
You know if you have a cognitive impairment which is recent, it could be a physical problem. Might be a good idea to get a complete physical to rule out any other potential causes.
Having a baby is pretty disruptive too. If you were exercising before and perhaps during your pregnancy but then stopped due to time/schedule constraints, the loss of the endorphin rush could put you into a funk too.
So I guess what I'm suggesting here is to examine what concomitant life-style changes have occurred since the baby was born and step back and assess if any of them may have an effect on your mood. Then if you spot something you can make some schedule adjustments to to recover.
Good Luck
-H
Posted by Suedehead on July 31, 2008, at 20:04:20
In reply to that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by onceupon on July 31, 2008, at 17:15:07
Hi, onceupon. I'm not a parent but I agree with the others that the stress of having a new baby could definitely be contributing to the problems you're experiencing. I'd also like to add, though, that I can really relate to a lot of what you wrote. I struggle with a feeling of disconnectedness much of the time, particularly in social settings when I'm interacting with others. It's terrible to live in this fog, as you put it, and I hope that you can find a way to break through it. Daisym's suggestion (journaling) may be useful. I've also found that exercise helps me to stay 'present' in my body and to provide some clarity to my thoughts. I'm a distance runner but even going for a quick walk can be beneficial.
> Hi everyone - intermittent lurker, past poster here. I haven't posted in years though, and can't remember my old posting name. Looks like the community has changed a bit since I've last been here.
>
> Anyways, I'm hoping to get some feedback on my recent experiences. For at least the past year (and probably longer), I've felt distinctly disengaged from most everything and everyone around me. Not necessarily dissociated, as I've experienced that in the past too, but kind of like I'm operating on two planes. On one level, I'm interacting with other people, keeping up my end of the conversation, etc., but on another, I'm blank. There's no "there" there - as I read somewhere else. Sometimes, underneath the superficial chatter, I'm vaguely thinking about other things, but not really clearly enough to make any sense of the thoughts. Just chatter.
>
> Not sure if I'm describing this well, but I'm wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar. It's frustrating, and is connected with ongoing thoughts about suicide - more like images of suicide - because it feels like if this is "as good as it gets," why bother? That sounds kind of flippant, which is not my intent. It's more that I can't imagine living in this fog for the rest of my life.
>
> I don't know exactly what brought this about. I've been depressed off and on in the past, and recently started back on an antidepressant after several years off because I was waking up every day thinking I CANNOT do this anymore. And so on. I have a year and a half old son who is probably the only thing keeping me going at this point, and I figure that in part, this is long-term sleep deprivation talking, but I think it's also related to feeling inadequate and somewhat lost as a parent.
>
> Why am I posting this on this board? I've been in therapy for the past year too. I've seen a bunch of other therapists in the past too, but it had been awhile. I like this one for the most part, but I feel like I'm not making much progress. I know that this is more my thing than the therapist's. Like I said, I'm not engaged in much of anything right now, including therapy. Most of the time when I'm there, I can't formulate my thoughts very well and don't know what to say. I'd like to address my relationship with my therapist, because I think I've got a huge maternal transference run amok at the moment, but when I've approached the topic in the past (albeit peripherally), she hasn't really taken the bait, so to speak.
>
> Gah, I think this entire post is a snapshot of what's going on for me right now. Difficulties formulating my thoughts, connecting to my emotions, sharing them with other people. If anyone has read this far, thanks, and has anyone been through this and come out the other side? Am I as crazy as I feel sometimes?
>
> Thanks for reading - hope I can offer support to others as well.
Posted by Suedehead on July 31, 2008, at 20:15:41
In reply to Re: that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps trigg » onceupon, posted by Suedehead on July 31, 2008, at 20:04:20
Also, I realized after I posted my reply that I might be really annoyed to get the sort of advice I gave if I were you. As I said, I think that I struggle with a lot of the things you described in your post, and I definitely don't think that just going for a walk/run or whatever can fix everything. It's hard stuff. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't making light of anything--just giving an example of something I do that can sometimes make me feel at least a little more 'normal'.
Posted by Dinah on August 1, 2008, at 13:29:50
In reply to that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by onceupon on July 31, 2008, at 17:15:07
I definitely recognize the feelings you're describing. All I can say is that it feels rotten while you're in it, but it does eventually pass.
I see it as my body's way of protecting me against something. Usually feelings I'm afraid will overwhelm me if I allow myself to feel them. I let my body do that, if I think that maybe my body's right.
It might be entirely different for you, of course.
Posted by onceupon on August 1, 2008, at 14:17:19
In reply to Re: that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by Daisym on July 31, 2008, at 18:57:06
Thanks, Daisy. Getting a physical is a good idea - I am the mom and was surprised that I didn't really experience any PPD, given my prior history.
I haven't heard of perinatal mood disorder/depression, but I'm off to look it up.
>
I really like the idea of journaling. It's funny, in the past I've always felt compelled to journal, but I haven't felt like that in a few years. Maybe just sitting down and trying to let the words come would help.Thanks so much for the encouragement and support.
Posted by onceupon on August 1, 2008, at 14:20:13
In reply to Re: that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by Hermitian on July 31, 2008, at 19:29:21
> You know if you have a cognitive impairment which is recent, it could be a physical problem. Might be a good idea to get a complete physical to rule out any other potential causes.
>
>>I don't know of any recent cognitive impairment, but I can see how the ongoing sleep disruption I've been experiencing might really contribute.> Having a baby is pretty disruptive too. If you were exercising before and perhaps during your pregnancy but then stopped due to time/schedule constraints, the loss of the endorphin rush could put you into a funk too.
>
> So I guess what I'm suggesting here is to examine what concomitant life-style changes have occurred since the baby was born and step back and assess if any of them may have an effect on your mood. Then if you spot something you can make some schedule adjustments to to recover.
>
>>This is a good point too. My schedule has been out of whack for the summer (I work an academic job, so I'm off for the summer). I think the lack of regular routine has been difficult, as has adjusting to being the full-time caregiver for my son.> Good Luck
>
>>Thanks!
Posted by onceupon on August 1, 2008, at 14:22:36
In reply to Re: that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps trigg » onceupon, posted by Suedehead on July 31, 2008, at 20:04:20
Thanks for the camraderie, suedehead. You're right about the exercise too - I was running more regularly during the spring (not distances though!), but childcare is more difficult for me in the summer, so I've let that fall off.
(And don't worry about your advice seeming unhelpful. I'm just glad to hear that I'm not the only one who experiences this.)
Posted by onceupon on August 1, 2008, at 14:24:38
In reply to Re: that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps trigg » onceupon, posted by Dinah on August 1, 2008, at 13:29:50
> I see it as my body's way of protecting me against something. Usually feelings I'm afraid will overwhelm me if I allow myself to feel them. I let my body do that, if I think that maybe my body's right.
That's a really interesting point. I've thought of the fuzzy feeling at times as a defense mechanism. The thing is, I'm not so sure what I'm avoiding. But I like the idea of letting my body have some say in whether "protection" is needed.Thanks for the support.
Posted by Lucie Lu on August 6, 2008, at 20:09:23
In reply to that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by onceupon on July 31, 2008, at 17:15:07
Hi Onceupon,
Sorry to get into this thread so late. I just want to second Daisy's advice to get a thorough physical that includes hormone levels. Make sure they check your thyroid function - get TSH, free triiodothyronine (T3) and free thyroxine (T4) measurements. Thyroid dysfunction is relatively common, especially following childbirth, and can cause cognitive or emotion/mood disturbances as well as changes in energy levels. Diagnosis of thyroid dysfunction is unreliable in the absence of blood tests because symptoms often vary a lot from person to person, and there need not be any pain or swelling from the thyroid gland (which is located in your neck on either side of your windpipe - if you have any swelling there you should definitely have it checked out). Thyroid dysfunction can come and go but is treatable. Given your symptoms, and the frequency of its occurrence post-partum, it's well worth checking out.
Congratulations on your son's birth, by the way!
Best,
Lucie
Posted by onceupon on August 6, 2008, at 21:07:03
In reply to Re: that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps triggery), posted by Lucie Lu on August 6, 2008, at 20:09:23
Thanks for the advice, Lucie Lu. I've had my thyroid checked in the past, but not since the birth of my son. Guess it's time to make that appointment, huh?
Posted by Lucie Lu on August 7, 2008, at 21:08:52
In reply to Re: that fuzzy-headed feeling (long, perhaps trigg » Lucie Lu, posted by onceupon on August 6, 2008, at 21:07:03
Probably wouldn't hurt. Thyroid function can change at any time so even if it's been checked in the past things may have changed. Hope you are feeling better soon.Lucie
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