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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 17:40:29
My analyst is on vacation, also, for the next three weeks. He told me where he is going- to his family island in the Thousand Islands part of the St. Lawrence River, in Ontario. Although he is very warm and spontaneous, he does have pretty strict boundaries, so talking about his island was a departure.
He described the geology of the island in some detail- mentioning where there was limestone, and where there was ancient basalt (the Canadian Shield). He also described the kinds of fish in the river, the meadows and flowers, and how he had no TV there, but had recently installed a telephone.
Because of all this, I can imagine him in his island surroundings, sailing, fishing, hiking, reading, writing, thinking and planning, enjoying his wife, sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren. So far, at least, this is by far the easiest separation I've had, and I give him a lot of credit for that. When I am with him in sessions, he keeps me faithfully in mind every moment; when he's away, he makes it possible for me to do the same with him. The result has been a lot more freedom for me to enjoy my own life, and to feel free and independent. He is always there in a happy little corner of my mind. With the analyst I had prior to this one, I used to miss him and long for him so much that I couldn't really enjoy his, or my vacation time. I was just counting the days until I saw him again. Looking back on those years, that much dependence really wasn't very good or healthy.
Well, this is only by way of a preamble; I was going to try to write something about what has actually been happening to me. I almost dare not write it down, for fear that it might turn out not to be true! But I do feel I am really changing....my depression is so much less severe (almost gone on many days), and my social anxiety has also almost disappeared- to the point where I can hardly believe it's ME. I keep thinking, amazed, "is this ME chatting away like this without a care in the world?
He's just great, and I am so lucky; I notice what other posters have written about termination; unless things change because of illness or other unforeseen circumstances, he says he thinks I'll probably do best to always have some therapy..although not so often once we have finished the intensive work we are doing now (probably in several years' time).
I'm so relieved and thankful to be able to write this, now, after having to write about being kicked out by my previous analyst a year ago. That was so traumatic that, despite really knowing better, I was secretly convinced it was my fault until fairly recently. It took a lot of time and effort with my present analyst to see it for what it really was- a huge professional failure on his part.
I guess the main reason I'm writing this is to reinforce the thought that, if you really can't work things out in a good way with the therapist you presently have- that there really are other great therapists out there with whom you can do so much better.
Posted by Annierose on August 7, 2008, at 17:49:39
In reply to changing...., posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 17:40:29
That is so wonderful to read and know. You deserve this great course of events to unfold.
I love your therapist's vacation spot. Sounds ideal ... and a place I would imagine would renew the heart and soul.
I don't think it's easy being an exceptional therapist. But they are out there and its for us to find them and then trust them to do their job.
I love to read when babblers are feeling and living with less depression.
Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2008, at 18:15:27
In reply to changing...., posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 17:40:29
It's nice to hear you're doing so well. The right therapist can make a lot of difference.
I'm glad your therapist understood the value of giving you a mental picture of him. I remember once I was being more than usually whiny, and complaining about my therapist leaving for a week for a conference. I asked him what the place he was going to was like. He accused me of changing the subject, and I explained that it wasn't really. That it would help me picture him when he was gone. He did understand, and painted a verbal picture of where he'd be. He remembered it too, in his future trips.
I can't say I stopped counting down the days. Maybe that's not all I do. But I manage to squeeze it into my other activities. It's great that you've moved beyond that.
Posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 20:14:00
In reply to Re: changing.... » twinleaf, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2008, at 18:15:27
Thanks, Dinah! Well, actually, I SAY I'm not counting, but somehow "18 days" is in my mind today. I wasn't COUNTING, of course, but just automatically mentally arriving at the correct number of days...
Posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 20:26:18
In reply to Re: changing.... » twinleaf, posted by Annierose on August 7, 2008, at 17:49:39
Thank you, Annie. Your words are so encouraging and "right on", and could only be written by someone who also has a terrific therapist.. I think you are right: these really good therapists don't have easy jobs, and going to a beautiful island with lots of peace and quiet is perfect for resting and getting recharged. I've never been to the Thousand Islands, but it sounds perfect for that.I feel that mine gives everything he has in our hours...I'm kind of in awe of what he does, and it's nice to know that he takes really good care of himself, and loves hiking, fishing, flowers and geology!
Posted by Lucie Lu on August 7, 2008, at 20:42:20
In reply to changing...., posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 17:40:29
Twinleaf,
That was an absolutely beautiful post! I loved reading it. It's great that you have been able to forge such a strong, loving bond with your T. I'm very happy for you.
Lucie
Posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 22:46:05
In reply to Re: changing...., posted by Lucie Lu on August 7, 2008, at 20:42:20
Thanks, Lucie! After the disaster that happened with the other analyst, the principal thing we did for most of the past year was try to form a solid bond. It took a LOT of time, and there were many mishaps along the way. It was very helpful to keep going over what was happening between us- even the smallest little things- repairing tiny ruptures over and over. Slowly, very slowly, it helped us form a really solid bond. Now, it's there, and we have a foundation to do that other hard thing- say all the things I just absolutely DON'T want to say!
He is great- very smart, witty, and very devoted to his patients. He recently went from a 45 to a 50 minute hour because "45 minutes just wasn't long enough, for me or for my patients". There was just so much dedication and caring in his voice when he told me that.
Posted by antigua3 on August 8, 2008, at 10:34:05
In reply to Re: changing.... » Lucie Lu, posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 22:46:05
"It was very helpful to keep going over what was happening between us- even the smallest little things- repairing tiny ruptures over and over"
It was a beautiful post, and this part really resonated with me. I tend to let the little things build up so that it's hard to unravel them when I'm brave enough to bring them up.
I'm going to try this. I think it would be good for me.
You are such a great inspiration. Thank you for posting, and I'm so happy that after all you've been through, you're happier where you are.
best of luck,
antigua
Posted by Lucie Lu on August 8, 2008, at 14:29:47
In reply to Re: changing.... » Lucie Lu, posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 22:46:05
Twinleaf,
Your post helped me in a really tangible way today, my last session before my T's 3-week vacation. Like many babblers I have great difficulty with any partings and vacation-time has always been a challenge, to put it mildly. I want to write more about this in a separate posting because I don't want to hijack your thread, but after reading your post I decided to just ask my T what he might be doing on his vacation so I could have a picture in my mind. He responded readily and it was really helpful to me in handling the parting. Now I wish I'd thought to ask him before! Thank you again for taking the time to write such a moving and descriptive post.
Lucie
Posted by twinleaf on August 8, 2008, at 17:27:51
In reply to Re: changing.... » twinleaf, posted by antigua3 on August 8, 2008, at 10:34:05
Thank you, Antigua. That was so sweet and thoughtful of you. I hope you do find dealing with all the little tiny things that go on between you and your therapist helpful. I never did it with the old therapist because he didn't/wouldn't do it. With the new one, I was gradually taught to do it. Once you realize that you can go over and over things- in a way you would never do outside of therapy- because you're not sure what he/she means, or what you mean, or whether there is any hidden criticism, displeasure, etc. it opens up communication SO much. I'm reluctant to do it too, but am finding it helps a tremendous amount when I do. I hope it helps!
Posted by twinleaf on August 8, 2008, at 17:36:50
In reply to Re: changing.... » twinleaf, posted by Lucie Lu on August 8, 2008, at 14:29:47
I'm so glad that helped!I have always had a very difficult time with interruptions and separations, too, and expected that I would this time as well. My analyst was the one who began talking about his island in so much detail that it was easy to visualize. As soon as he did that, my fear of the separation went down to very manageable levels. It has stayed that way- so far! Let's hope we both make it comfortably through the whole vacation. Thanks for letting me know.
Posted by Lemonaide on August 8, 2008, at 23:20:36
In reply to changing...., posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 17:40:29
I am so happy for you that you are feeling confident in yourself and your relationship with your T. It is way more easy to feel that way.
You are making awesome progress, but don't put yourself down if you find it hard to get through all those weeks, it is a long you know.
My depression has improved, doesn't it feel like magic or something?
Posted by twinleaf on August 9, 2008, at 16:23:29
In reply to Re: changing...., posted by Lemonaide on August 8, 2008, at 23:20:36
Thank you, and YES, it really does feel wonderful!
This is the end of the thread.
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