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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2008, at 20:23:55
My task from my last session was to come up with a "gripe list" - just putting down all the stuff that's bugging me, whether it's big or little, recent or ancient history. It was really hard for me to get down and dirty (and petty), but that's what my T asked me to do whenever I would feel my back twinge. It did help with the pain somewhat.
But it was so difficult to write this stuff down. And to feel the relief that just releasing the thoughts was doing for my body - that was hard to reconcile. I'm actually doing this to myself by NOT letting this anger and resentment OUT - it's turning right around and attacking my own body because it's got nowhere else to go.
Unsurprisingly, I've been doing much more isolating, finding it impossible to leave the house for the simplest of tasks most days. I'm made immobile by my misery and anger, is how this feels. Not that I'm afraid that I'll lash out or break down if I'm out in public; more like I just can't be bothered to make any effort beyond feeling the pain in my back, the pain behind my eyes, and know that somehow, my mind has the ability to help unlock my body from its own prison.
It feels like something is on my horizon.
Posted by Phillipa on September 13, 2008, at 22:18:56
In reply to Trying to write me way through my back pain, posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2008, at 20:23:55
Oh relate to the backpain and headaches just got yelled at again for nothing and criticised and now I have a headache. I know where my pain is coming from. And there is no release unless I do it again the D word and I'm too old. Phillipa writing it down is when I do my ebay working I can forget for a while.
Posted by lemonaide on September 14, 2008, at 1:24:09
In reply to Trying to write me way through my back pain, posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2008, at 20:23:55
Hi PC,
There is this prof. at my college who believes in the Pennbaker method of therapy. Here is a little about it. http://www.psychologymatters.org/pennebaker.html
If you are holding stuff in, yeah, I can see how it is poisoning yourself from within. Do you remember that poem I wrote a long time ago and posted called Scared to Feel the Pain? I know that feeling, I know what it feels like to have anxiety of even wanting to open up the Pandora's box.
For me I used Poetry, but really my writing started off as just writing anything. SOmehow the poetry just happened for me. But it doesn't need to be poetry to have the same effects of release. Just writing the stuff down is therapeutic in itself. It may feel overwhelming at first, but keep going...Maybe a little each day if you can handle that better.
I haven't felt the correlation between my writing and physical pain yet, but the emotional release is great, I do feel lighter. But that to me is emotional, more than physical.The other stuff you are doing is great for the physical, especially the yoga. There is actually a therapeutic type of yoga now offered to those who are recovering from accidents or illnesses. IT is a less active form, but the positions you are in are held longer, but with the use of support of blocks, blankets, xtra mats. So it is easy to hold the poses than trying to balance on one foot or something like that. lol But it still works at targeting the lactic acid and other waste your body needs to eliminate by working the inner organs by certain poses. I need to get back into it. Maybe on tues for me.
Good luck PC, maybe your T is on the something.
Posted by seldomseen on September 14, 2008, at 2:26:58
In reply to Trying to write me way through my back pain, posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2008, at 20:23:55
I would actually suggest that you keep two lists going at the same time.
One for the things that you need to vent - the stuff that makes you very very angry.
I would start another of the stuff that makes you very happy, fills you with awe and you are grateful for.
I'm not convinced that therapy is just about venting the bad, I think that we need to replace it with something else or we might get in a spiral of just bad.
For a while the bad list may predominate, but perhaps at least try to note the good as well.
Back pain is the worst. I'm wishing it away from you right now.
Seldom
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2008, at 6:48:06
In reply to Re: Trying to write me way through my back pain » Partlycloudy, posted by seldomseen on September 14, 2008, at 2:26:58
Yeah, at our last session we talked about what "managing my stress" looked like. I kind of have the self soothing thing down pat - but it's at the expense, it would seem of expressing the anger that I'm feeling, and that's why it's coming out as this physical pain. And I do come from a family where self expression was strictly frowned upon - not that we were allowed to frown! So that stuffing of feelings is what I do by second nature by now. And I'm sure that's what my mom's migraines are - and my sister's digestive troubles - we're all NOT expressing ourselves, not acknowledging our emotional pain and distress.
I have no problem getting in touch with the peace and the calm and finding the things that I'm relatively happy about - because those things help me exclude the anger and the pain. I think that what I am working towards instead is finding some way to feel this entire range - the ugly and the beautiful - and not feel overwhelmed by it all.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on September 14, 2008, at 7:40:51
In reply to Trying to write me way through my back pain, posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2008, at 20:23:55
I recognize that this seems like a shallow solution to a bigger problem, but have you considered using your finest stationary for your lists? Don't "save" it for special occasions. This is YOUR special occasion. What you are writing is a present to yourself, a key to your jail cell.
I think your T is onto something as well. The fact that it is difficult means that it is coming from a place of great resistance. One of the beautiful things about dredging up the old feelings of hurt and injury is that you may feel a sublime connection to the GOOD that is in the world. You may be able to rekindle some of the faith that everything will work out. Rediscover an old passion or hobby.
Well, once you do, can you cook me a meal? maybe some trout almondine and a chocolate souffle?
sorry you're isolating. MEEE TOOOO. I did make it to starbucks twice this weekend, and did some reading, said hello to my favorite cashier (she gave me a drink for free!) and ate some coffee cake. I think that was my sole nutrition until a frozen dinner in the afternoon.
Back pain is awful- the slightest movement is agonizing, and then you wonder "is it even worth it". it's a prison, all right.
Good luck PC
-Ll
Posted by JayMac on September 14, 2008, at 18:51:02
In reply to Trying to write me way through my back pain, posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2008, at 20:23:55
Writing helps me. I usually journal a couple times a day. When I don't, what is on my mind festers too much. I tend to be obsessive with my thoughts, which inevitably leads to MORE anxiety. So writing helps me to vent.
Posted by Phillipa on September 14, 2008, at 19:44:28
In reply to Re: Trying to write me way through my back pain, posted by JayMac on September 14, 2008, at 18:51:02
I'm serious did you all have backpain? Phillipa
Posted by Geegee on September 14, 2008, at 20:41:42
In reply to Trying to write me way through my back pain, posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2008, at 20:23:55
I'm glad you're feeling hopeful and empowered to find some relief. The mind-body connection is so powerful, yet so mysterious. Kudos to you for working with it in a new way, especially when you're feeling crappy. It's not easy to do that when depressed or in pain. I hope you continue to find relief as you work thru and release this stuff.
I think you've inspired me to start journalling a bit. So much family dynamics stuff triggering me, and I can stew it around, but I think I'd learn best if I could write it out and "see" it more.
Hope your back eases quickly.
gg
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