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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 9:37:02
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D. » muffled, posted by Phillipa on January 13, 2009, at 19:50:17
Not sure phillipa, I think I was just bizzarely tired and wanted to fire a post off quick cuz I was afraid LT was feeling bad is all.
Its not clear to me when there is a change for the most part. Generally its very subtle, and is more likely to be noticed by tone of voice, body language and perhaps choice of words as well i guess.
If you see that show United states of tara, I am not like that at all. I think I am considered eccentric, but I can't imagine anyone goes around thinking 'oh that muffled, she has a DD!' LOL! Most of what goes on is internal, it can't be seen.
You don't offend me phillipa at all.
M
Posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 9:43:44
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D. » muffled, posted by Looney Tunes on January 13, 2009, at 15:56:52
LT, I just wanted to add one last thing.
There is not intended to be babble 'groupies'.
All my life I have been an outsider, never a part of the group. I think in part now, that its due to the DD and my constant hiding of it, and so never allowing anyone too close.
I think you may possibly feel the groupie thing only cuz there are some posters that have posted quite awhile, or alot at one time and so we have gotten to know one another.
I am very sorry if you feel excluded somehow.
Babble is for all.
I don't babble much for one of those reasons, cuz I used to worry SO much that anyone felt left out and would spend HOURS checking posts to make sure all felt included. HAD to respond to all.
I must go, but please don't feel excluded we are all in this together.
We just trying to get by, and if we can help each other along the way.
GOOD!
Thanks,
M
Posted by Wittgensteinz on January 14, 2009, at 10:33:18
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D., posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 9:43:44
Just wanted to say. I hope I didn't upset you with anything I wrote. It wasn't my plan to attack anyone. I wasn't trying to undermine the reality of DID. As it happens, I've learned something important and interesting from this thread.
I'm sorry you have such a hard time of things because of your DD. I can't begin to imagine actually how it must be. I hope, if you do tell your friend, that it goes well and she/he embraces who you are.
Witti
Posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 13:29:23
In reply to for Muffled, posted by Wittgensteinz on January 14, 2009, at 10:33:18
Posted by antigua3 on January 14, 2009, at 15:44:32
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D., posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 9:43:44
Hi muffled,
I'm not sure which of your posts I really wanted to respond to, but the last one will at least get your attention! (I hope, anyway)I hope you can tell your friend about what's going on w/you and that you will get the response you hope for. You know to be careful with that because sometimes people who don't fully understand, no matter how great a person, or friend, they are to us, sometimes they just don't get it. So take care about that, ok?
Another thing. My mind races to pure rage whenever the FMS is brought up, and for me, I know that's a defense. I know memories can be incomplete, or totally lacking and brought back maybe in pieces, because it has happened to me, but for anyone, thing or organization to imply that my memories aren't real only reinforces my belief that these things didn't happen to me. And that's dangerous for me. It makes me lose all perspective and regress into some sort of acceptance that I made this all up, etc., which has done huge damage to my progress.
So I try to trust my instincts. It's so very hard to do.
I respect so much the effort you've put into trying to understand your situation. You work incredibly hard at it, and that comes across here every time you post about this.
Actually, I'm not sure I'm saying what I want. Maybe I'm not sure what I want to say, except I think you're great and I wish I could be half as honest with myself as you are.
antigua,
who doesn't want anyone else who posted on this thread to think this is directed toward them. If I had the guts, I would start my own thread on FMS.
Posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 16:32:30
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D. » muffled, posted by antigua3 on January 14, 2009, at 15:44:32
> Hi muffled,
*hey you! :)
> I'm not sure which of your posts I really wanted to respond to, but the last one will at least get your attention! (I hope, anyway)
*you allus get my attn :) Though I not s'posed to be posting!!! LOL. Just this whole DD topic is so dear to my heart.
> I hope you can tell your friend about what's going on w/you and that you will get the response you hope for. You know to be careful with that because sometimes people who don't fully understand, no matter how great a person, or friend, they are to us, sometimes they just don't get it. So take care about that, ok?*Oh man,LOL! I am being careful! I am many, many months circling round this. I think she MAY have a clue, I dunno. I mean I AM a bit odd at best, but what does the odd cover up?guess a person can't know. BUT I have asked her to tape the United states of Tara show for me, and sent her a link to the Kluft interview. (she is a T so thot she might be interested...ROFL!!!!)And she knows I go to a T that has DD as one of her specialties....
One of her best friends thru T school has worked w/DID people B4, least one anyways for sure, so its likely my friend is open to the whole DD thing.
Though when I tell her..I am thinking....so what THEN???? I am still gonna hide the others, try to allus be in control....so whats the point? I think she likely knows already cuz of things I have said. She is just being wise and not saying anything until I do. But.....tgh...I just dunno. I am so tired of being alone in this...:(
> Another thing. My mind races to pure rage whenever the FMS is brought up, and for me, I know that's a defense. I know memories can be incomplete, or totally lacking and brought back maybe in pieces, because it has happened to me, but for anyone, thing or organization to imply that my memories aren't real only reinforces my belief that these things didn't happen to me. And that's dangerous for me. It makes me lose all perspective and regress into some sort of acceptance that I made this all up, etc., which has done huge damage to my progress.*well the very mechanism of dissociation lends itself to denial of all kinds. Not one of its more wonderful points.
I last week had a terrible time with a part that newly(relatively) fully arrived and was really nasty about denial etc. It did not beleive there was any DD or 'others' etc and caused a GREAT deal of upset. Fortunately it seems to have backed off. But while it was there, there was NO use of therapy...:(
> So I try to trust my instincts. It's so very hard to do.*How to trust? Its all so friggin changeable...how do we know what is real???WHO is "real",arrgghhh LOL! don't get me started down THAT road! I'll crash Bobs server!
But seriously, its true, the body apparently remembers stuff the brain doesn't. Like I told my T bout flinching in a certain situation, and she was trying to explain (to a VERY skeptical) me, that the flinch, was the body remembering and responding in kind to a situation in the past. (WHAT I have no clue). It was like a warning response to something it perceived as danger. Not danger in the now obvo, but a response from a danger that was in my past.
Its crazymaking all this stuff isn't it?
I hope you can learn to trust.
> I respect so much the effort you've put into trying to understand your situation. You work incredibly hard at it, and that comes across here every time you post about this.*awww <blush>, thank you, you won't know it, but I REALLY needed that. T yesterday SUCKED.
> Actually, I'm not sure I'm saying what I want. Maybe I'm not sure what I want to say, except I think you're great and I wish I could be half as honest with myself as you are.*ROFL! I have my moments....you shoulda heard me when R-me was here last week....honest...NOT!!! Its ultimate answer when it couldn't answer was 'well its just riduculous, it can't be", a non-answer. I am GLAD its not here right now.
> antigua,
> who doesn't want anyone else who posted on this thread to think this is directed toward them. If I had the guts, I would start my own thread on FMS.*Can you imagine!!!!a thread on FMS! Best take THAT to POLITICS board!!! I hear its lively there!
Thanks for the pick me up antigua.
I haven't been reading babble(cept this thread) cuz I am trying to stay away, and if I read, I want to come back :(
so I don't know if you have posted. I hope things are OK for you. You have been much help to me in the past and I thank you.
M
Posted by Phillipa on January 14, 2009, at 19:07:34
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D., posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 16:32:30
Muffled so glad didn't offend you. You are so sweet and kind. Feel like I know you. Love Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on January 15, 2009, at 17:50:30
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D., posted by muffled on January 14, 2009, at 16:32:30
Muffled, i have told only 1 IRL friend and she was great. She believed me and understood. She knows for the most part my whole sad story. Well let's say more than anyone else I've ever told. And she was so sweet. She cried with me, validated me. It was the right thing to do and an extremely risky thing for me to do. I am glad today I did it. I only regret her moving to another state. We don't get to talk anymore like we used to. And that is hard when I really need someone in real life. Like now.
I can't tell you whether or not to tell your friend. It is risk only you can decide. I can tell you mine went well. I know that there is no one else right now I would risk it with.
take care,
rsk
Posted by B2chica on January 16, 2009, at 12:10:03
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D., posted by rskontos on January 15, 2009, at 17:50:30
((((((((((((((muffled)))))))))))))))
ok, first i wanted to give you hugs.
its a big step for you. and a good one at that i think.
i think the only advice i have right now is to ask yourself: what you hope to get from telling the friend.
what kind of reaction might you get. and how will you feel if you don't get that reaction?i guess i'm saying to trust yourself and if you feel now is the time to talk then do so...but i feel so protective of you i just want to tell you, but you'll be ok if you dont get the response you hoped for. and also remember, some people initially dont respond well to news but given some time can be wonderful about it.
you know yourself and your friend better than anyone.
let us know how it goes.Best BEST wishes!
b2c.
Posted by muffled on January 16, 2009, at 12:18:53
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D. » muffled, posted by Phillipa on January 14, 2009, at 19:07:34
Posted by muffled on January 16, 2009, at 12:20:38
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D., posted by rskontos on January 15, 2009, at 17:50:30
Thanks RSK.
LOL, I waffle on it.
Sometimes yes, I MUST tell her, I gonna I gonna.
Then...NO WAY!!!
Reckon you know how it is.
We shall see...
Take good care,
M
Posted by muffled on January 16, 2009, at 12:22:55
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D._telling friend » rskontos, posted by B2chica on January 16, 2009, at 12:10:03
B2, thats sweet of you to watch out for me.
I think I want to tell her, just to have someone KNOW.
I don't wish any support from her.
I just so tired of being ALONE with this thing.
Thats bout it for 'why' I think.
Goto run.
I not posting/reading right now, 'cept this thread.
So you take good care.
M
Posted by Wittgensteinz on January 17, 2009, at 3:48:37
In reply to Re: Good blurb bout D.I.D._telling friend » B2chica, posted by muffled on January 16, 2009, at 12:22:55
I think I owe an apology for the thing I wrote early in this thread.
I have to be honest, I mentioned the FMS because when I saw Dr. Kluft I did not know of him and so did a google search and the first thing that came up were references to him on this FMS site on a kind of black list. That's why I wrote what I did. This is the first time I've heard of this FMS organisation (I've heard of false memory syndrome before but didn't know how strong a movement existed attacking all kinds of memory retrieval). I can see why mentioning that organisation could upset people - it basically says to a whole group of people that their memories are false when that really isn't the case. I think their ideas are extreme. I see why such an organisation came into existence - perhaps from the outset to protect against vulnerable, impressionable people from being manipulated, specifically children who are questioned inappropriately by police for example. I also see why the result of these kinds of interventions can break up families and cause much harm. That said if the FMS would have its way it seems they would like to discredit all kinds of abuse testimony and in turn they are invalidating many survivors. It seems the group represents a people who do not want to know/accept that these attrocities can happen, who would rather deny them than accept that such abuse is even possible. I can understand this too - it's 'easier' to have an idealised view - reading about terrible abuse, realising it can happen on your doorstep and no-one knows is threatening of course but to deny it point black is very ignorant and equally harmful. It makes me think of a famous case that came to light recently in Austria of a man who kept his daughter hostage for 20 years in his cellar. She bore 6 children to him during her captivity and no-one, not even his wife knew of this until the police discovered the underground prison.
So I think by mentioning FMS, and I was ignorant to do so, may well have alientated me from people here and I regret it. Validation is such an important thing and this organisation seems set up to invalidate very vulnerable people, doing more harm than good - adding insult to injury, the trauma of invalidation. So I'm sorry I wrote what I did before looking more at the site and realising what it was about.
Witti
Posted by muffled on January 17, 2009, at 10:57:08
In reply to Apology, posted by Wittgensteinz on January 17, 2009, at 3:48:37
Witti I seen lotsa your posts and you not go a mean bone in your body.
I never took offense.
That organization, and the thing bout Kluft w/them is just so silly, that I never even gave it a thot.
Apology not needed neccessarily, but it was MUCH appreciated.
Thats was very kind of you.
I for one am honored.
I have resprect fot you.
Yup, you a good un.
Take care,
Thx.
M
Posted by antigua3 on January 17, 2009, at 14:39:44
In reply to Apology, posted by Wittgensteinz on January 17, 2009, at 3:48:37
Witti, speaking for myself, I don't think you have anything to apologize for in the comments you made. I just don't.
antigua
Posted by rskontos on January 19, 2009, at 10:27:13
In reply to Re: Apology » Wittgensteinz, posted by antigua3 on January 17, 2009, at 14:39:44
I saw an interview with Steven Speilberg the producer and the whole cast. And the one term that got me was the show was humorous. Now I can accept alot of things about DID. That is isn't real. I know it is. I know what I know about me and my life even if others doubt especially p-docs etc. But to try and take a disorder that is a daily struggle and make a comedy out of it. Well that miffs me raw.
I was so upset after seeing his interview.
I did watch it to see how they made it funny. It wasn't really funny to me.
rsk
Posted by muffled on January 19, 2009, at 10:52:08
In reply to Re: ok now I am irritated...., posted by rskontos on January 19, 2009, at 10:27:13
((((((((((((((((((rsk))))))))))))))))))))
I think they gonna be posting stuff bout it on the ISSTD website eventually....I saw a clip on the net bout Tara, and it was weird OK. Kinda made my heart hurt how she was just accepted...not very realistic, but a dream...
Lotta bad stuff there for sure, but most not see it I think.
Guess the ONE thing I like is that maybeit get people talking...
And most people recognize that TV is kinda usu over the top and not real.
And a show on how DID actually is...isn't gonna get much of an audience.
So maybe this will give some an opportunity to open some dialogue.
Like I am gonna do w/my friend.
Feel out what she thinks.
Then maybe I can say something...
I dunno.
DID is hard, but I have been reading bout others and stuff, and there are some beautiful IRL moments.
I have a sense of how DID must be cuz of my DD, but not fully.
My T say that at least DD's are treatable. DID too. Just takes time.
((((((((((((((safehugs))))))))))
to any anywhere what could use them.
M
Posted by rskontos on January 19, 2009, at 12:29:58
In reply to Re: ok now I am irritated...., posted by muffled on January 19, 2009, at 10:52:08
well i guess the thing that i had a hard time with is the way they had her switch. And the over the topness about each alter. most of us aren't like that. most inners are more quiet. I mean even my most angry ones can blend in when they want.
I guess too this is a hard time because I am messy right now.
I started a new job and I am switching alot at work. Like 10 times in a 6 hour time period.
And I find when I come back I can't always pick up the thread of the conversation.
frustrating too in the T let the ball drop this past session.
oh well. maybe i need to stay away from this show.
rsk
Posted by muffled on January 19, 2009, at 15:20:02
In reply to Re: ok now I am irritated.... » muffled, posted by rskontos on January 19, 2009, at 12:29:58
Yeah, I think thats what I liked, that it was so over the top, that people would realize it can't be that way.
Or you would see more of it.
But maybe I am wrong.
I dunno how others will perceive it.
But ya, I can totally see the show not being a good thing when you switchy, cuz its a hot topic, you may get asst internal reactions etc, and who needs that on top of everything else.Sorry to hear bout the switchyness. Even for me, I get exhausted w/switchy days. I get quite disoriented. Its hard.
For me stress makes me more switchy, and if I geta big trigger, then I am all over the map.
For me the switches mostly have continuity, or with a bit of thot I can get back on track. And I have days like that much less often.What happened w/T?
Ya mebbe stay away from Tara show, proly not worth it. Its basically a typically ridiculous TV show. Don't sweat it.
Take care RSK
M
Posted by kerria on January 22, 2009, at 13:48:31
In reply to Re: ok now I am irritated...., posted by muffled on January 19, 2009, at 15:20:02
(((((Muffled)))))
i saw the first episode of United States of Tara online- it was a little difficult to watch because my parts are very different too and i wonder what it looks like. It's scary to think about. I wish that i had a family like that- Tara's h is so forgiving and supportive of all her parts and so is everyone else in the show- that was so unrealistic. In real life no one accepts it when our parts act out like that- they don't realize that we have parts that are separate and they just end up angry, misunderstand and hate us for what we're like.
This is the first time i saw the exerpt by Dr Kluft. DID is a very painful disorder to have.
At leaast Tara is kind of a likable character- not a mass murderer, etc- so people won't think we're all criminals. So many times a person with DID appears like that in shows like "Law and Order" - that's good anyways- maybe it might make things a little easier for us. We have to be so careful not to tell anyone about our dx bc it would ruin our lives even worse.sorry so negative sometimes
Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on January 22, 2009, at 14:03:04
In reply to Re: ok now I am irritated...., posted by kerria on January 22, 2009, at 13:48:31
Then we'd be ok
Posted by rskontos on January 22, 2009, at 15:37:39
In reply to Re: ok now I am irritated...., posted by muffled on January 19, 2009, at 15:20:02
So yesterday I was getting my hair done and the hairdresser and her client next to my stylist were talking about the show, and they were discussing it in an ok manner. Talking about how funny the show was, i don't think it is funny, but whatever, and I was already switchy since i had just left work and I am way too switchy there. So I just got more and more floaty. Man I hate that.
I really just wanted to disappear because the client said she would not want to live with someone like Tara. She did not say it in a mean way but just the mere fact of them discussing it made me so uncomfortable.
maybe it will get better as time goes on. I thought that I would get more comfortable at work and stop switching so much but so far not happening. Seems like I am switching for longer periods.
I am just too triggery these days and don't see t for another 10 days.
yeah maybe if oprah did a show on it ....but then again, it would involve talking about it.
ugggh.
rsk
Posted by kerria on January 22, 2009, at 17:01:44
In reply to Re: ok now I am irritated...., posted by rskontos on January 22, 2009, at 15:37:39
Hi rsk, Sorry things are so hard for you now. i hope it calms down soon. i'm very sorry that you had to overhear that heartless comment about not wanting to live with someone with DID. Probably she just wasn't thinking--- and doesn't even know anyone with it.
i didn't think any part of the show was funny either- i guess it isn't funny at all for anyone with DID because it's way too serious when we identify with switching.
The show is for the public, not us, really, i guess. At least it will raise awareness hopefully that we're not monsters- just people like anyone else.
best wishes,
kerria
Posted by rskontos on January 24, 2009, at 8:00:28
In reply to Not an easy subject to make funny, posted by kerria on January 22, 2009, at 17:01:44
thanks kerria, for making me see it more in perspective.
you are right. it isn't really for us and I need to just stay away. I have been in a very triggery state and to see this movie and to hear people talking along with no one IRL knowing about me well it is too overwhelming. My only friend that knows moved to another state and she isn't easily accessible right now. She works alot and then has an afterwork hobby that makes it near to impossible to talk to her, so babble is all I have. I haven't really posted my thread about this cuz I thought maybe I could just deal with on my own but that isn't happening either.
so thanks,
rsk
Posted by kerria on January 24, 2009, at 8:31:36
In reply to Re: Not an easy subject to make funny » kerria, posted by rskontos on January 24, 2009, at 8:00:28
(((((rsk)))))safe hugs if ok
i come to places like this too when feeling alone and when people misunderstand what i do and say.
Sorry you're having a hard time.Best wishes,
kerria
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