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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 33. Go back in thread:
Posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 17:09:38
In reply to Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 13:15:17
I noted that some one brought up catastrophesing (How DO you spell that?). I hate that word. I find it very minimizing.
I also hate it when he tells me that "i'm getting so much better at XYZ" I don't know why, but that just pisses me off.
Now, I know this is weird, but I really hate it when he uses my name at the beginning of a sentence as "seldom, (insert patronizing pause here) you blah blah blah". When he uses it in the middle of a sentence I like it (because we're usually actually having a converstion).
That's all I can think of right now.
Seldom
Posted by Annierose on January 24, 2009, at 17:38:55
In reply to Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 13:15:17
Everyone forgot about this one ...
"Time's up!"
Posted by wittgensteinz on January 24, 2009, at 17:48:47
In reply to Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 13:15:17
1. "that doesn't bring us further" - my T doesn't have many 'phrases' he uses repeatedly but this is one of the few and it tends to stop me in my tracks. He's said it about things like my suicidal ideation, and although it is a true statement it doesn't really help open up a discussion of the topic.
2. "Can I give you a penny for your thoughts" - usually if I'm silent for a rather long time. Often my thought is "you'll have to pay me more than that to get me to say what I'm thinking!". Usually I do say what I'm thinking sooner or later.
3. Another thing that I don't like is when I say something I think very important or significant (an insight or a memory, for example) and he just sits there and says NOTHING. I've also said in the past that some of my favourite moments in therapy have been those of shared silences but I should also say some of my worst moments have been those silences too. It's perhaps my own fault for seeing a Freudian analyst - sometimes I wish my T would just say something corny and patronising or at least something validating (actually just the things that seem to drive the rest of you round the bend). He did say once, after a break "I was looking forward to seeing you again" which caught me off guard and I went and responded with something cold like "I don't believe you" - if I recall I apologised in a mail afterwards.
Now I think of it, pdoc is more into the soppy 'empathic' statements and I don't know how to respond to that kind of thing "you should be proud of yourself for ....".
4. When he doesn't know how to say what he wants in English and says it instead in French (he's Dutch). Why he says it in French is beyond me because my French is very basic (he is fluent) - is he trying to impress me? Then he says "do you know what I mean?". I like it when I say something he doesn't know and he gets all enthusiastic and gets out his dictionary. I also like it when he talks Dutch, his native language, because his voice sounds softer, gentler. I kind of want to switch to just doing therapy in Dutch but I don't like the idea of making mistakes in front of him.
Witti
Posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 18:40:22
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Annierose on January 24, 2009, at 17:38:55
I never let my therapist get a chance to say time's up. He picks up his pad to sign and I'm trained to look for my check. In fact, we have whole nonverbal conversations now. Sometimes instead of picking up my check I jut out my chin and cross my arms. Which he correctly reads as "it has not actually been fifty minutes and I'm not budging". He's got a nasty habit of making up time on me.
But I must hate it or I wouldn't make so sure he never has a chance to say it.
Another one I really hate is
"What would you like from me today." This is his way of saying "I know I'm missing the mark and we're both getting frustrated." But I really wish he would just say that. Last time I said "I *hate* it when you ask that!" and he responded "I know. (with a smile) What I mean is would you like me to problem solve with you, or would it be more helpful for me to listen."
Posted by fleeting flutterby on January 24, 2009, at 18:44:31
In reply to Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 13:15:17
The psychologist I used to see was an "in your face" type therapist. Seemed to me that he said things for the "shock" factor. and here I am.... quiet, never showing my emotions, struggling with the inability to be attached emotionally to anyone, horribly lacking self-esteem....
one day as I tried to defend myself about it being so hard for me to feel important... he said--
"You are not getting me caught in your web"..... (huh?- i thought) .... I'm sure he didn't see the devastating hurt in my heart as I sat there shocked-- with no clue what he meant by such a statement. it felt like a mind game he was playing with me and... Mind games are a HUGE huge trigger as that's what my mother did all the time with us kids-- the one that could decifer her "game" at any one moment was the one that got her attention. I totally shut down then and it became increasingly harder each session to feel safe.......
another thing my former T. once said to me-- which also triggered me was....
"You are more like your mother than you realize"....
argh!!! my mother is an abusive attention seeking narcissist...... I never seek attention, I would never abuse a small child and I so worry how everyone else feels that I totally deny my own self.
i think he might of meant that I run from relationships like my mother does-- but-- the way he said it -- it sure stung. :o(
since then-- my new T. has NEVER ever said such things-- in fact she has even said the total opposite. ah... it sure feels nice to feel safe with a T.flutterby-mandy
Posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 18:50:03
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by fleeting flutterby on January 24, 2009, at 18:44:31
Whoa. I know that some people find therapists like that helpful, but I wouldn't have lasted a month.
> "You are more like your mother than you realize"....
Oh wow. Wow. If my therapist said that, he'd have a lot of explaining to do. Even in my marriage it has been identified as something that would not be considered acceptable in any circumstance whatsoever. Even in our biggest arguments, or even if I say it myself, that is considered a low blow and completely unacceptable.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 24, 2009, at 19:04:07
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 15:48:29
Definitely not you. That was one of the things T said to me over the phone last weekend at the start of the breakdown. Of course, she wasn't really understanding the whole thyroid thing and once she figured that out, she apologized. But I hate it just the same because in that moment (whatever we're talking about) it doesn't ever feel like I have a choice.
Posted by Annierose on January 24, 2009, at 19:28:34
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 18:40:22
>>>"What would you like from me today."
My t asks something similar ...
What do you wish I would have asked you?
or
What did you wish I'd say?where is her crystal ball???
This list will certainly bring a smile to your therapist face
Posted by DAisym on January 24, 2009, at 19:30:04
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists. » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on January 24, 2009, at 19:04:07
1) "I need to tell you (or talk to you about)..." I HATE that - in the ensuing 10 seconds I die a thousand deaths, feel sick to my stomach and stop breathing. Why can't he just say, "I'm going on vacation in a few weeks."
2) "I'm going on vacation in a few weeks."
3) "Is that what you really want to do?" Ug. How would I know what I really want to do? Or, more often, of course not. It is what I think I'm suppose to do. Why can't he just say, "that's a bad idea"?
Posted by 10derHeart on January 24, 2009, at 20:12:48
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Annierose on January 24, 2009, at 17:38:55
Well, I thought mine *always* using: "We have to stop." was bad, but I'd probably freak if he said "time's up!" I'm soooo sensitive those last few minutes, everything sounds like cr*p!
I don't know why, but I want him to think of something fresh, new and really gentle. I always want to scream (irrationally, for sure) "Stop WHAT?"
It's all about me never wanting ANY session to end, so he can't win here.
I'll be back with a list later, I'm sure. Great thread.
Posted by fleeting flutterby on January 24, 2009, at 20:20:15
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists. » fleeting flutterby, posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 18:50:03
> Whoa. I know that some people find therapists like that helpful, but I wouldn't have lasted a month.<<
-----Yea, I don't think it was a good "fit" for me either. I just didn't know any different at the time and I blamed myself for feeling triggered and stuck. I truly thought I was doing things wrong. *sigh*.....
> > "You are more like your mother than you realize"....
>
> Oh wow. Wow. If my therapist said that, he'd have a lot of explaining to do. Even in my marriage it has been identified as something that would not be considered acceptable in any circumstance whatsoever. Even in our biggest arguments, or even if I say it myself, that is considered a low blow and completely unacceptable.<<----- Exactly-- it is a "low blow", like you said.(it's nice you understand but I'm sorry also that you understand) ...it hurt to hear that, as I've tried so hard my whole life to NOT be like my mother-- i've made such a conscious effort of it.
thank the stars for my new T.(i'm scared though, as I fear she is too good to be true and something will present itself to show me so.... yipes....) -- she has said to me that it's like there is a line-- abusive and self centeredness is on one side... then there is a happy healthy medium..... and then there is the other side where one becomes invisible and doesn't express wants or needs..... she said my mom is on the self centered side and I am way way over on the other side.... maybe not an ideal place for me -- BUT, I accomplished it-- I am NOT like my mother. :o)
(T. has said I need to get more in the middle of that line..... just not sure how that's going to happen...*sigh*....)
thanks for this thread.... felt good to express some things....
flutterby-mandy
Posted by sharon7 on January 24, 2009, at 22:11:09
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by TherapyGirl on January 24, 2009, at 14:44:16
well, hopefully i'm not the ONLY one who hears this with some frequency, especially lately: "How old do you feel right now?"
lol. i think to myself "dr, you don't wanna know!" (o:
Posted by DAisym on January 25, 2009, at 0:22:32
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists. » Annierose, posted by 10derHeart on January 24, 2009, at 20:12:48
I can't stand to be told to leave - there is no good way. So I simply don't let him - I watch the clock and say, "I need to go" or "I'm leaving" -- like I have a choice in the matter.
Ah - the things we do...
Posted by onceupon on January 25, 2009, at 14:33:53
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists. » 10derHeart, posted by DAisym on January 25, 2009, at 0:22:32
"What would be most helpful for you today?" I don't know...doing some therapy?
"Is it OK if we talk about _______ the next time we meet?" Said at the end of a session when she wants to wrap up without actually saying that we're out of time. In theory, this would not be such a bad thing, but it's rare that we come back to the topic that we ended on. Of course that's not really her fault, but the words still make me cringe.
I actually kind of wish my therapist was more willing to talk about transference, because then maybe we would be talking about our relationship, which is rare.
Posted by no_rose_garden on January 25, 2009, at 22:33:23
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by onceupon on January 25, 2009, at 14:33:53
"we need to end" From old counselor at the end of the session...then he'd just open the door and go sit at his desk. *ss
Posted by 10derHeart on January 25, 2009, at 23:31:53
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by no_rose_garden on January 25, 2009, at 22:33:23
whoa, good thing that wasn't me.
I'd likely have done something dramatic to make *my* point, oh...like saying coldly, "and you need to find a new profession, since being abrupt and rude in this one just makes you a jerk, not a 'counselor' or whatever you call yourself. Have a lovely day," followed by leaving myself, as abruptly as possible.
I know, lame, childish, and hypocritical. But I don't do well with abrupt and cold. Not well AT ALL.
Posted by backseatdriver on January 26, 2009, at 12:00:43
In reply to Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 13:15:17
Two of the worst:
"This is going to sound banal/tired/traditional..." followed by an interpretation. If the T *knows* something is not the right thing to say, why say it?
and...
"My patients do very well when I'm away."
BSD
Posted by sassyfrancesca on January 26, 2009, at 12:19:16
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by backseatdriver on January 26, 2009, at 12:00:43
It is rare (thank heavens), but "What do you want to talk about/work on.....is there anything you want to talk about/work on?"
aarghhh....like if he doesn't ask me, I will just sit there like a rock?
He laughs cause he knows I hate it!!
Smiles, Sassy
Posted by Suedehead on January 26, 2009, at 20:25:08
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists. » backseatdriver, posted by sassyfrancesca on January 26, 2009, at 12:19:16
It's been said already, but I really hate 'We have to stop now'. He always says it with such a pained expression on his face, but it comes across as kind of patronizing.
I also sort of hate it when he asks me if I'm okay (when I'm obviously not) right at the end of a session. It always makes me think, for a moment, that he's asking so that he can try to make me feel better, somehow--but this is never the case. He just asks if I'm okay, and then says that I have to leave. I'm not sure what this is supposed to accomplish.
Posted by backseatdriver on January 27, 2009, at 16:05:57
In reply to Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 13:15:17
Here's another one, fresh from this week's session:
"I am a busy person."
Who isn't, buddy?
BSD
Posted by Dinah on January 27, 2009, at 16:26:32
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by backseatdriver on January 27, 2009, at 16:05:57
I have another one too, fresh from today's session.
"I'll be away for a week, then part of the next week."
I wasn't too crazy about his frown of irritation when I my lip trembled and I started to gasp sobs either.
I'm guessing one of his least favorites is "You're going out of *town*??!!!"
Posted by jane d on January 28, 2009, at 18:26:37
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 27, 2009, at 16:26:32
I'd like to add my vote for "Thank you for sharing that" or any variation thereof. There often seems to be an unspoken part 2 of "and we're never going to talk about THAT again" just as there would be if it was said outside the therapy setting.
I also dislike that "unfortunately we have to stop" line. I think the fact that it is always said exactly the same way is what bothers me about it. Of course you have to stop, and somebody has to call time, but I end up feeling I was having a delusion of having a discussion with someone and am now suddenly facing a machine.
And last but not least - dead silence.
Jane
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2009, at 9:18:22
In reply to Re: Least favorite words/phrases from therapists., posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 15:48:29
> The folded arm "That's your choice."
We had a discussion about how drawing boundaries often shuts someone out. And how I know that drawing boundaries is important, it really upsets me when *he* does it - and especially with this phrase.
Either he was amused or annoyed or trying to desensitize me, but he used it frequently the rest of the session. :)
I told him about the thread, and he said he really would love to see it (and the favorite phrases too). I promised to bring him an edited (for my comments) version.
We didn't talk about it this week, other than that exchange. I was upset about something else.
Posted by wittgensteinz on January 31, 2009, at 13:24:16
In reply to Well now I've gone and done it. :), posted by Dinah on January 31, 2009, at 9:18:22
Yes, I don't like that phrase either. Mine has said something similar but mostly in response to a question seeking his opinion or advice. The last session I said "well I mailed pdoc a week ago and I've had no reply. Should I try to make contact with him again or just leave it?"... "I don't know, that's up to you". He doesn't fold his arms though! I don't find decision-making easy so this response makes me feel left out in the cold - it also gives me the feeling he doesn't care or isn't interested. But this probably isn't true.
Witti
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2009, at 17:47:21
In reply to Re: Well now I've gone and done it. :) » Dinah, posted by wittgensteinz on January 31, 2009, at 13:24:16
Well, mine does it most often when we're talking about self injury or suicidal ideation.
I'm thinking we're working together, and he suddenly crosses his arms and steps back a few pace metaphorically. And puts up that iron boundary.
I do understand why. But I'll never ever like it.
This is the end of the thread.
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