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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by workinprogress on June 28, 2009, at 1:02:42
So... I had to go out of town for work for two months. When I first knew I had to go, the first thing I thought was: OMG, how am I going to deal without my T. So, we figured some stuff out- I get to come home every other weekend and she agreed to see me on Saturdays (when she told me this she told me of a client who said "we can just meet on Saturday" when something similar happened- she said she told him "I don't work on weekends" but she said she would for me). We also agreed to do video chat for the interim times. So... off I go.
And, we've done two video chats and I was able to go home twice, not 4 times. I saw her both times. It was good to check in...
I'd been seeing her twice a week before this. Work was busy while I was away and it seemed ok. Then she went on vacation for two weeks (I was still away) and instead of leaving my daily message I sent her emails- my way of feeling connected.
I got to the point of feeling like this work trip was good for more than just the work growth inherent in it. It was also good for me knowing a) I could figure stuff out without her and b) that I was really secure in my connection to her- didn't question it or worry about it.
Now, now that she's back and I'm about to come home... NOW I'm having issues. Anxiety I guess. I feel less secure, more needy all of a sudden. What's that about? Why do I feel all clingy when I've been so fine for 7 weeks? Work has slowed down and I've had more down time (was working 90/100 hour weeks) but still... something has seriously shifted back. Now I feel more worried about our connection, more clingy and more obsessive. Stuff I felt like I had moved through during this time.
Any thoughts or ideas? Does that make sense? Am I just regressing? I don't get it... I've missed her this whole time, but now I feel really intense and needy about it.... Frustrating!!!
WIP
Posted by antigua3 on June 28, 2009, at 8:18:45
In reply to I thought I was in a different place..., posted by workinprogress on June 28, 2009, at 1:02:42
After a long absence like this from my T, I have found that, yes, I fall apart just before I finally get to see her. For me, it's a natural. I would have held so many feelings inside, and Iknew just how long I had to wait, and I could wait just that long, and not that little bit longer until the actual appointment.
I was always very proud that I could hold it together, but like you I wondered why it fell apart at the end.
I think of my kids when they were little and I'd pick them up at preschool. Teacher woud say they had been great, no problems, etc. We live behind that school, just a very short walk, and invariably, day after day, they couldn't even make it home that short distance, without having a major meltdown, crying and/or screaming. They'd held in their day until Mom get there and then they let me have it, because they knew it was safe with Mom.
That's kind of how I see it with these types of situations. We hold it in until we don't have to, and then it pours out.
Good luck!
antigua
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 28, 2009, at 10:03:23
In reply to Re: I thought I was in a different place... » workinprogress, posted by antigua3 on June 28, 2009, at 8:18:45
It's the same for me as it is for Antigua. It's like I'm geared up to make it through a certain period of time and the closer I get to the end of it, the less I can hold it together.
I'm proud of you for doing this, though. I don't think what you're feeling now erases all of your progress.
Posted by workinprogress on June 28, 2009, at 23:41:22
In reply to Re: I thought I was in a different place...))WIP, posted by TherapyGirl on June 28, 2009, at 10:03:23
Antigua and TherapyGirl-
What you say sounds right... that I probably kept it together because I had to and now I'm on the edge of not having to anymore and it's spilling out. I guess I just thought I was in the place of letting myself feel whatever feelings existed and let them be. That's why my T said before I left. Basically, yeah, you'll probably miss me a lot... and probably you should just let yourself feel that. I thought I had, and I probably did to some extent, but also I probably held back on the really hard stuff and used being busy to not let myself even know it was there. AND- probably her being out the country I really pushed it back, because I was afraid of having feelings I couldn't deal with when she wasn't there...
All makes sense. Thanks for your thoughts..
WIP
Posted by Phillipa on June 29, 2009, at 12:45:49
In reply to Re: I thought I was in a different place...))WIP, posted by workinprogress on June 28, 2009, at 23:41:22
Also if you were working all those hours incredible to me when would you have had time to think of her. I'd think you'd be exhausted. Phillipa
Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 29, 2009, at 20:50:34
In reply to I thought I was in a different place..., posted by workinprogress on June 28, 2009, at 1:02:42
Hi WIP,
Just wanted you to know I saw your post. When do you get back and are able to see her? Wow, it sounds like you have been working so hard. I agree that maybe the extra work was a bit of a distraction.My T is going to be gone for just 2 weeks and I can hardly bear the thought of it. I'm trying to book my life solid for those two weeks just to fill the space.
Let us know how the re-entry into the physical space together goes.
FMD
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