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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yellowbird01 on June 29, 2009, at 19:12:51
Possible trigger about suicidal thoughts...
(Note, I am not going to hurt myself!)
How do you all cope with suicidal feelings? I have a long list of coping mechanisms I can use to distract myself and get through the moment that would no doubt be at least semi-successful... But the question is, how do you cope with suicidal feelings when you arent motivated to use any of those coping mechanisms? When you arent motivated to do anything to distract yourself from it because you'd rather just follow through with it?
I want to be VERY clear that I have no plans to hurt myself. This isnt meant as a threat of any sort, or to worry anyone. I just need suggestions on how others get through these times.
Posted by antigua3 on June 29, 2009, at 19:22:14
In reply to Coping with suicidal thoughts, posted by yellowbird01 on June 29, 2009, at 19:12:51
Suicidal ideation is common. Daisy pointed out once that the ideation can be related to the feelings we felt during the abuse--that we thought we were going to die and these feelings surface when we recall the abuse.
What do I do? Just stare at the picture of my kids and remember that my husband told me that it would ruin this family if I ever followed through on my plans. My problem is when I even disassociate from these feelings and so I call my T or pdoc to tell me, once again, I will get through this.
Sorry you're feeling this way,
antigua
Posted by yellowbird01 on June 29, 2009, at 19:40:39
In reply to Re: Coping with suicidal thoughts » yellowbird01, posted by antigua3 on June 29, 2009, at 19:22:14
Thanks for responding antigua...
I think that thinking of family (spouses, children, etc) it what gets a lot of people through it. Unfortunately, my family isnt involved in my life at this time, and I'm single without kids. I isolate a lot, and that's my fault... but there it is. Probably the only way anyone would notice if I disappeared would be when I stopped showing up for work.
I did see T today. I'm having a lot of trouble trusting T right now and I'm not feeling safe with her. Plus, I've already overdone my limit for calling/emailing recently. There's no specified limit, but I'm sure it there was, I've hit it. I'm sure I'm pushing her boundaries. I dont go back until next Fri (week and a half) if I get get off work... if not, wont be until next Tues (2 weeks from now).
Unfortunately, I've dug this hole myself.
Posted by Sigismund on June 29, 2009, at 19:40:55
In reply to Coping with suicidal thoughts, posted by yellowbird01 on June 29, 2009, at 19:12:51
>How do you all cope with suicidal feelings?
Not very well. I just wait for them to pass.
>I have a long list of coping mechanisms I can use to distract myself and get through the moment that would no doubt be at least semi-successful...Crime and Punishment, Beckett, stuff like that. I try to find a psychological universe as far from what passes for normal as I can. This may be self defeating for all I know, but it passes the time and keeps me amused and interested.
Posted by Sigismund on June 29, 2009, at 19:43:58
In reply to Re: Coping with suicidal thoughts, posted by Sigismund on June 29, 2009, at 19:40:55
In so far as I have a coping mechanism, this was yesterdays
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/books/20061001/msgs/903702.html
Today shows no sign of being any better so I shall do nothing but keep reading Crime and Punishment.
Posted by Daisym on June 30, 2009, at 20:40:03
In reply to Coping with suicidal thoughts, posted by yellowbird01 on June 29, 2009, at 19:12:51
Sadly, I think I'm becoming an expert on suicidal feelings and the million and one ways to cope.
I think it helps to understand what these feelings are and what they represent. For me, it is the ultimate escape, and probably always was. I need to be able to escape the world and this is in my control - always. I also think, that for me, suicidal feelings and planning is a reenactment of sorts. It is a SECRET from just about everyone I know, it is SHOCKING and people who know me wouldn't really believe I could feel this way and it is LONELY when these feelings are at their worse. Because I can't stand pretending in front of people, so I avoid them. Which leads to more loneliness, which leads us in this giant cycle.
AND-- talking about these feelings with my therapist terrifies me because I don't want him to think I'm manipulative - trying to get his attention, etc. He tells me I over think that part, that I'm *not* a manipulative person and he really needs and wants to hear about these feelings when they are intense. So I try to let him know and usually I say, "nothing I can't handle." We have an agreement around all of this and if he is feeling anxious about me, he calls me to check in. I do the same.
I wrote myself a letter when I was feeling pretty calm and well, which details all the reasons I have to live. And all the terrible things that dying this way will do. I've pulled it out and read it twice - both times it helped a lot.
I write, a lot - and not just journal stuff. I try to write fiction, so that my mind can play out what I'm thinking in fantasy. I also read and escape in to books. Shopping works, so do movies - it I go to the theatre. It doesn't work at home. I write way too much here sometimes, when I feel this way.
And when nothing is working, I outline everything I want to do and why - either in therapy or on paper. Talking about it releases the secret and makes these feelings smaller. I often read everything I can about suicide - once I checked out 8 books on the subject from the Uni library. The clerk raised an eye-brow and I said, "research paper." No more questions. (Read anything by Kay Jamison.) And then I might even set a deadline for myself - somehow picking a date in the future takes the pressure off. Hopefully, before the date arrives, I've worked on it in therapy and canceled or moved the date.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It gets to be exhausting. But even if you don't trust your therapist right now, try to talk about these feelings. It will help.
I'm glad you could write about them here.
This is the end of the thread.
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