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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by blahblahblah on September 12, 2009, at 16:41:46
Hi all. So, I am 26 and have had the same problem with attachments for about 13 years now. I do not talk to my parents much. my mum was physically and emotionally abusive, i had time in foster care, few years in a hospital due to abuse. this was all mainly the first 5 years of my life. then rest of my time living with her she was highly medically sedated. Now I find that any mother figure that pays me the slightest bit of attention I get obsessed with. I think about them all the time, I need to be near them all the time. If they are not responding to me or giving me reassurance I get very very depressed. I am constantly anxious thinking about them, wanting to be near them. I have trouble attaching to people my own age, I am very fearful/avoidant. But when it comes to mother figures I want to move in with them and spend every second with them. I have a psychiatrist and a psychologist who say that building strong attachments will help me to overcome this, yet the more I attach the more i push the person away and think I am a huge burden to them. Does anyone else go through this kind of thing. I have had four major obsessions since i was 12. 2 teachers, one older work friend, and a therapist. they generally last for a few years, or until i push the person away totally out of fear of being hurt. I just want to know other peoples' experiences with this kind of thing and how they handled it.
I spoke bout this in another forum yet someone said it was schizoid disorder, which i disagree with. i think they're very dif. any opinions on that too?
Posted by Dinah on September 13, 2009, at 10:50:17
In reply to attachments, posted by blahblahblah on September 12, 2009, at 16:41:46
No, I wouldn't say schizoid. You identify yourself as overattaching and driving people away in fear of being hurt. Not of being isolated or unaware of caring about others.
In my opinion, physical abuse of the sort you describe means your mother tore up her mother card, and it is perfectly reasonable of you not to attach to her or see her overmuch.
The over-attachment to maternal figures sounds like a perfect thing to work on in therapy. And I suppose I'd think it made sense that unless you stick around and bear the attachment, you won't be able to work through it. Is your therapist female? Is she there for the long haul with you?
I was just archiving some old emails from my therapist, from around the time of Katrina. I cringed to read them, and seriously thought of deleting them entirely. The anxious attachment I had to him is so clear to me now. I'd contact him, and get upset when he didn't get back to me, and write back saying how horrible I was to bother him and could he just assure be xxxx and I'd leave him alone. The tone of total bewilderment in his voice is so obvious to me now. He'd say that he didn't know where this was coming from. That I didn't need to leave him alone. etc. etc.
I see it now so clearly because my attachment to him is so much more secure.
But I'm not entirely sure how that translates to my relationship with people in general. It might. In fact it probably does. I'd have to think on that.
Posted by blahblahblah on September 13, 2009, at 18:06:13
In reply to Re: attachments » blahblahblah, posted by Dinah on September 13, 2009, at 10:50:17
Dinah,
Thank you for your reply. i read lots of your replies and you are a very wise woman. How you described being with your T during Katrina is exactly how i am all the time. I feel like i am such a burden. it's ridiculous. even if i read something in the paper that has happened and is horrific, i worry that my t knows the person. then i think if she does i can not tell her bout my problems anymore because i will burden her and they will seem ridiculous.
i do find me and my t have had a very rocky r'ship. i tried to tell her reasons a few months ago why i should stop seeing her. they were all about how i think i annoy her. but she has stuck around for the long haul. she is about 35 years older than me so she is a good stable consistent person. she tells me just to go with the attachment, and knows i need reassurance. i think the more she sticks around, the more comfortable i am coming with it. i'm just sick of getting this feeling off every potential mother figure, but you're right. if i can develop this properly with my t it may stop forever. :)
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2009, at 7:18:06
In reply to Re: attachments, posted by blahblahblah on September 13, 2009, at 18:06:13
Or if not stop, then at least become tolerable, or something you can learn to work around.
I think with a lot of things, it's not that they never come up, so much as they don't consume me the way they once did. I acknowledge those things about me, and learn ways to work around them.
Thank you. :) I wish I were wise. I'm not altogether sure. I know I'm pragmatic. Perhaps sometimes pragmatism gets in my way, and keeps me from achieving the depth of wisdom.
Posted by moonshadow on September 15, 2009, at 14:17:44
In reply to Re: attachments » blahblahblah, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2009, at 7:18:06
blah, I feel you with the attachment thing. My mother was pretty abusive, and I find myself looking for stand-in mothers, but I never form friendships with them because I'm too nervous. I just admire them from afar. My old T, who I loved dearly and had to leave, was sort of a mother figure to me.
I find that I can't seem to attach too deeply to anyone, dh included. I don't feel attached at all to my current T. She's not warm and maternal whatsoever.
This is the end of the thread.
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