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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lexie on September 3, 2000, at 19:12:51
I have been diagnosed with depression and bipolar II and am currently takening topamax and Desipermine. Topamax helped with the moods until last week when I had a very hypomanic episode with my heart pounding, only sleeping a few hours a night and a very irratable mood. I haven't been feeling very well. My doctor had to give me Ambien for sleep. I attempted suicide last year. Sometimes I don't know when it is all going to end. I am not sure if maybe I am just caught up in all of this and just "addicted" to all the of the doctors visits and therapists visits. I wonder if it is time to just stop all the medication and therapy. I feel like I am on a rollar coaster I can't get off of. These are painful feelings to admit to,does anyone else feel this way? Please Help. Lexie
Posted by Cindy W on September 3, 2000, at 21:36:54
In reply to When is it time to give up?, posted by Lexie on September 3, 2000, at 19:12:51
> I have been diagnosed with depression and bipolar II and am currently takening topamax and Desipermine. Topamax helped with the moods until last week when I had a very hypomanic episode with my heart pounding, only sleeping a few hours a night and a very irratable mood. I haven't been feeling very well. My doctor had to give me Ambien for sleep. I attempted suicide last year. Sometimes I don't know when it is all going to end. I am not sure if maybe I am just caught up in all of this and just "addicted" to all the of the doctors visits and therapists visits. I wonder if it is time to just stop all the medication and therapy. I feel like I am on a rollar coaster I can't get off of. These are painful feelings to admit to,does anyone else feel this way? Please Help. Lexie
Lexie, I'm more depressed right now than I've ever been. So I hear you loud and clear. All that keeps me going is hope that eventually, I'll be able to climb out of the black hole I'm in and get back to living. So I've decided to continue with the meds, and the therapy, and just keep on trying. Hope you will be able to go on, too. Please keep me posted on how you're doing!--Cindy W
Posted by stjames on September 4, 2000, at 2:14:46
In reply to Re: When is it time to give up?, posted by Cindy W on September 3, 2000, at 21:36:54
Sometimes I don't know when it is all going to end. I am not sure if maybe I am just caught up in all of this and just "addicted" to all the of the doctors visits and therapists visits.James here.....
I would say, "Hogwash !" You are doing what needs to be done to get better. Don't
beat yourself up over this !
I wonder if it is time to just stop all the medication and therapy.
I feel like I am on a rollar coaster I can't get off of. These are painful feelings to admit to,does anyone else feel this way? Please Help. LexieJames here....
All of us feel like this at some point. However I know what life is like off the
meds...crap. The wrong meds can make thinks worse and often the right meds do this at
first, till you adjust or find the right dose. I found what works 15 yrs ago and have done well
ever since. There have been bumps along the way, though. If I can do well, and others too, YOU CAN TOO !When is it time to give up ? NEVER ! Squeeze the flask of life to its dregs. Bipolar is well known
for being tricky to treat, it seems to take many longer to find what works. You are worth the wait.james
Posted by Lexie on September 4, 2000, at 8:12:56
In reply to Re: When is it time to give up?, posted by Cindy W on September 3, 2000, at 21:36:54
> Lexie, I'm more depressed right now than I've ever been. So I hear you loud and clear. All that keeps me going is hope that eventually, I'll be able to climb out of the black hole I'm in and get back to living. So I've decided to continue with the meds, and the therapy, and just keep on trying. Hope you will be able to go on, too. Please keep me posted on how you're doing!--Cindy W
Thank you Cindy I know what you mean by the "Black hole". Sometimes I feel like I see life through a pin hole I am on one side by myself and everyone else is on the other and I can't figure out how to "squeeze through" and get to the other side. I will keep trying and not give up and maybe someday both of us will find our way out. I really like what James said in the post that followed yours if you didn't read it please do, it was very powerful. I was very down when I posted. Glad I found you both. Lexie
Posted by Lexie on September 4, 2000, at 9:08:11
In reply to Re: When is it time to give up?, posted by stjames on September 4, 2000, at 2:14:46
> James here.....
>
> I would say, "Hogwash !" You are doing what needs to be done to get better. Don't
> beat yourself up over this !
> >
> James here....
>
> All of us feel like this at some point. However I know what life is like off the
> meds...crap. The wrong meds can make thinks worse and often the right meds do this at
> first, till you adjust or find the right dose. I found what works 15 yrs ago and have done well
> ever since. There have been bumps along the way, though. If I can do well, and others too, YOU CAN TOO !
>
> When is it time to give up ? NEVER ! Squeeze the flask of life to its dregs. Bipolar is well known
> for being tricky to treat, it seems to take many longer to find what works. You are worth the wait.
>
> james
James, Thank you for reminding me that life off the medication is worse than life on. I have a Doctors appointment this week that I will keep. I will keep hanging on. Sometimes it seems so hard but I guess that is when I need to grip even harder. Thanks again. Great timely encourgement. Lexie
Posted by dari on September 6, 2000, at 8:34:54
In reply to When is it time to give up?, posted by Lexie on September 3, 2000, at 19:12:51
Dear Lexie:
I apologize in advance for my _eyboard, not hard to figure out which _ey is wor_ing, huh? I, too have bipolar and it is not an easy road to tread. HOWEVER... after two years and 18 different meds and 12 hospitalizations, I've finally found the right one (neurontin) and I feel great and have felt this way for about 4-5 months. I had two suicide attempts during this time and to say that effects of these attempts on my family has been devestating on my family would be an understatement of the highest order. For me, it has only been by finding an acceptance of this illness and never underestimating its power. I may have it, but I will never again allow it to have me. Great therapy and a good psychopharmacist are _ey for me. I've recently started doing the things I love again. I read voraciously, have read just about everything there is to read about the illness so I'm armed with _nowlege, and I've passed it on to family and some friends so some of their fears are abated, too. The scariest part of this illness for me is not _nowing what to expect next... just li_e anything else.
Please don't give up, the balance you see_ is just around the corner.
fondly, dari
> I have been diagnosed with depression and bipolar II and am currently takening topamax and Desipermine. Topamax helped with the moods until last week when I had a very hypomanic episode with my heart pounding, only sleeping a few hours a night and a very irratable mood. I haven't been feeling very well. My doctor had to give me Ambien for sleep. I attempted suicide last year. Sometimes I don't know when it is all going to end. I am not sure if maybe I am just caught up in all of this and just "addicted" to all the of the doctors visits and therapists visits. I wonder if it is time to just stop all the medication and therapy. I feel like I am on a rollar coaster I can't get off of. These are painful feelings to admit to,does anyone else feel this way? Please Help. Lexie
Posted by allisonm on September 6, 2000, at 20:52:39
In reply to When is it time to give up?, posted by Lexie on September 3, 2000, at 19:12:51
I have suffered from major depression for years, I think. Was diagnosed almost 3 years ago. Some bad things happened not long after diagnosis and only now am I able to see that I am pretty much through the grief and ready to tackle the original issues.
Also it has taken this long to find meds that brought me to where I'm not constantly thinking about giving up this life. Last winter I debated every day whether to quit my meds and psychotherapy. I was so sick of everything and was ready to accept the consequences, thinking death would be a good thing because I honestly saw no point in my existence. I held on. In April my meds were changed around again and I'm finally feeling better.
It can happen for you too, Lexie. It may not be perfect or permanent, and crappy things in life still will happen, but relief is attainable.
Tonight coming out of the grocery store I marveled at how beautiful the sky was. The setting sun turned the whispy streaks of cirrus clouds pink, the sky was deep blue and the moon was rising with a ring around it. The air was cool and it felt like fall. A few months ago I would not have seen or felt any of this. I am glad I stuck around.
Take care and best wishes.
Allison
Posted by Jean-F on September 7, 2000, at 23:18:27
In reply to Re: When is it time to give up?, posted by allisonm on September 6, 2000, at 20:52:39
> I have suffered from major depression for years, I think. Was diagnosed almost 3 years ago. Some bad things happened not long after diagnosis and only now am I able to see that I am pretty much through the grief and ready to tackle the original issues.
>
> Also it has taken this long to find meds that brought me to where I'm not constantly thinking about giving up this life. Last winter I debated every day whether to quit my meds and psychotherapy. I was so sick of everything and was ready to accept the consequences, thinking death would be a good thing because I honestly saw no point in my existence. I held on. In April my meds were changed around again and I'm finally feeling better.
>
> It can happen for you too, Lexie. It may not be perfect or permanent, and crappy things in life still will happen, but relief is attainable.
>
> Tonight coming out of the grocery store I marveled at how beautiful the sky was. The setting sun turned the whispy streaks of cirrus clouds pink, the sky was deep blue and the moon was rising with a ring around it. The air was cool and it felt like fall. A few months ago I would not have seen or felt any of this. I am glad I stuck around.
>
> Take care and best wishes.
>
> AllisonWell i guess these meds do help if you want to help yourself. they give you something subtle but to work on. I seem to have more energy since i stopped the antipsychotics, probably because I was doing like the baseball player who plays with the bigger bat before going to the bat for real. I guess you could call the antipsychotics a sort of super therapy that implicates a lot of risks like zombiness and parkinsonian symptoms. Ok so now he lowered my dose and i can think quicker without being unreal. It's neat.
Posted by noa on September 24, 2000, at 15:17:28
In reply to Re: When is it time to give up?, posted by Lexie on September 4, 2000, at 9:08:11
how are you?
Posted by Lexie on September 24, 2000, at 19:37:06
In reply to Re: When is it time to give up? » Lexie, posted by noa on September 24, 2000, at 15:17:28
> how are you?
Just OK, As you can see by the post below, under ups and downs, I am in a down right now. The support here has been great and that is the one thing that keeps me going. Thanks for asking. Just people caring enough to ask means so much. Lexie
This is the end of the thread.
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