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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by judy1 on February 13, 2001, at 14:33:12
Any suggestions on how to deal with feeling really embarrassed by my actions towards my shrink? I know from the past he will not make an issue of anything, but I have lots to be embarrassed about this time (like too friendly). Thanks, Judy
Posted by Noa on February 14, 2001, at 14:20:14
In reply to So another episode..., posted by judy1 on February 13, 2001, at 14:33:12
Don't let it fester--bring it up.
Posted by willow on February 14, 2001, at 15:25:26
In reply to Re: So another episode..., posted by Noa on February 14, 2001, at 14:20:14
> Don't let it fester--bring it up.
Could it just be your way of seeing it? What I mean is it might have not been awkward for the psych? Whenever I'm upset about something that happens at the psych office I e-mail him and he e-mails back, usually reassuring etc.
PS I thought I was an oddball for writing him but someone else has mentioned that they have done it too! Made me feel better.
Posted by SLS on February 14, 2001, at 16:13:42
In reply to So another episode..., posted by judy1 on February 13, 2001, at 14:33:12
> Any suggestions on how to deal with feeling really embarrassed by my actions towards my shrink? I know from the past he will not make an issue of anything, but I have lots to be embarrassed about this time (like too friendly). Thanks, Judy
Judy,It is his job. This is what he has been trained for.
Do you really think that you are his first?
I have been in a similar situation. Simply apologize. He will tell you, "Don't worry about it. It comes with the territory."
One way or the other, you don't own your actions. Your illness does. Your doctor knows this.
I hope you can resolve your embarrassment with him so that you can move on. Simply apologize.
- Scott
Posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 17:38:24
In reply to Re: So another episode..., posted by SLS on February 14, 2001, at 16:13:42
Noa, fester is a good word for what I was doing. He said I had no reason to be embarrassed. Actually I e-mailed and he called back. And Scott, I think I was his first in this situation since I brought a bottle of Dom Perignon (which he refused to share) along with my not too subtle suggestions. Well, let's see Tiffany's, Dom- if you're going to embarrass yourself do it with taste. Thank you everyone for the support- Judy
Posted by dj on February 14, 2001, at 17:46:00
In reply to All of you were right- Noa, willow, Scott, posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 17:38:24
>... I brought a bottle of Dom Perignon (which he refused to share) along with my not too subtle > suggestions.
Sounds like you may have an interesting discussionn of this in your next session. You may want to thank him for maintaining his professional decorum, if you haven't already. I imagine it would have been a challenging situation for him, training or not...
Posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 18:26:19
In reply to Re: All of you were right- Noa, willow, Scott, posted by dj on February 14, 2001, at 17:46:00
No, I haven't thanked him yet, but I should. A little over a year ago, my shrink had very shakey boundaries with me and landed up terminating our relationship. I was completely devastated and made a serious suicide attempt. So you're totally correct I do appreciate his ability to maintain strong boundaries with me. Thanks for reminding me to tell him that- Judy
Posted by willow on February 14, 2001, at 20:19:16
In reply to to dj, posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 18:26:19
" ... terminating our relationship. I was completely devastated ... "
I think this adds to the "blue shirt thread," I wonder how much we are emotionally attached to our therapists? This is my first that I chose to see counsellor outside of the one I had to see as a teenager. This is what bothers me about the therapy issue, because it is only natural to feel some attachment. I guess it would be easier to think of them as grandparents (they listen better than parents) or a trusted teacher. My problem is I probably see mine as a peer, sortof friend. And it's hard not to. Mine will give examples of something he has done and that is the same type of exchange I have with close friends, even if the exchange isn't at the same level exactly. (His are of a more general nature.)
When I tell someone something about myself that I haven't shared with anyone else I'm trusting them and making myself vulnerable. I don't think normally we would do that with just anyone but a trusted friend. So if the therapist terminates the relationship it would be similar to losing an intimate friend, it would be devastating. I don't like making myself vulnerable like this to a real stranger. Am I making any sense? I've probably been through this already with RZip I think.
PS Does Rzip post regularly? Haven't seen anything for two days. Probably withdrawal! : )
Posted by dj on February 14, 2001, at 20:44:49
In reply to Emotions, posted by willow on February 14, 2001, at 20:19:16
> >similar to losing an intimate friend, it would be devastating. I don't like making myself vulnerable like this to a real stranger. Am I making any sense? I've probably been through this already with RZip I think.
>
> PS Does Rzip post regularly? Haven't seen > >anything for two days. Probably withdrawal! : )I don't know if you've been through withdrawal or loss of initmacy with RZip, only the two of you can sort that out... However, she did post in PB-Admin. earlier today....
As for relationships with therapists, I find that my intimacy or distance varies with the relationship, which I view as a professional one which I assume will eventually end, sometimes for the better...
Posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 21:23:53
In reply to Emotions, posted by willow on February 14, 2001, at 20:19:16
Hi Willow,
Sorry, I seemed to have missed that thread. This particular relationship with my psychiatrist entered the unethical range, he terminated it because he recognized that fact. It took a year with a psychologist and several meetings with a mediator and ex-shrink to get to the point where I could trust another psychiatrist (the one I see now). That's why it's so critical that he maintains strong boundaries with me- no hugs, phone calls that I didn't initiate, etc. I am grateful now because I realize how unhealthy the previous relationship was, but I still hurt. Take care, Judy
Posted by ms. b. on February 15, 2001, at 0:04:06
In reply to Re: Emotions » willow, posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 21:23:53
Hey Judy and others,
This thread is really interesting, and perhaps ties in with the one on male or female therapists...Mine is a woman, I guess I wanted one because I knew of my own tendency to hit on older, wiser men (not therapists but teachers/professors), sometimes by presenting myself as vulnerable, or empathetic, or whatever. I shopped around for her by calling a whole list of therapists and asking them questions on the phone about their method of treatment, etc. I just liked the voice of this woman, it was soothing and comforting, and what I've needed is a "mother" who accepts me just as I am, no judgements about behavior which might reflect in a negative way on her, etc. Which was just what my "real" mother could not give me... After almost 9 years with the same therapist, I still haven't made up for a lifetime of mother-problems.
But still, Judy, it does take a lot of guts/balls (wrong word, but stay with me here), or whatever, to proposition your therapist with a bottle of Dom Perignon! Somehow, I admire this behavior, even though I know it's out of bounds and can lead to a whole lot of trouble, as you well know from the previous experience. And I also admire your telling the group about your crossing the boundaries in a therapeutic relationship, it's a level of candor we sometimes never even get with our closest friends.
So thanks, everybody, for the interesting discussion, and to Judy who began it...
B.
Posted by willow on February 15, 2001, at 7:29:10
In reply to Re: Emotions » willow, posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 21:23:53
Judy
I'm sorry for your pain. I was in a different situation. As a teen I fell in love with an abusive smuck. I've had nightmares about him for longer than the relationship lasted, but still part of me feels a loss still for the relationship. My logic says "good riddance" and I guess we can't control our feelings as easily.
BEST WISHES
Posted by willow on February 15, 2001, at 7:46:14
In reply to Re: RZip and ... » willow, posted by dj on February 14, 2001, at 20:44:49
"I don't know if you've been through withdrawal or loss of initmacy with RZip, only the two of you can sort that out... However, she did post in PB-Admin. earlier today...."
Ha ha ha! I'm smiling at the way you read my post! (I actually had to go back and read it to see how you came up with this mixed message. And I have to say I understand how you did. But please let me explain ...) The intimacy issue was concerning the therapist. The withdrawal was a way of saying I missed RZips posts and just hoped all was well with her. (I hope she doesn't avoid me like the plague because of this?!)Still laughing
Willow
Posted by Rzip on February 15, 2001, at 9:00:27
In reply to DJ, posted by willow on February 15, 2001, at 7:46:14
Willow,
> I missed RZips posts and just hoped all was well with her. (I hope she doesn't avoid me like the plague because of this?!)I just have been VERY busy this week. I usually post on the weekends. Thanks for thinking of me.
I enjoyed our post exchanges very much. I have no reason to avoid you.
Rzip
Posted by Noa on February 15, 2001, at 18:42:04
In reply to All of you were right- Noa, willow, Scott, posted by judy1 on February 14, 2001, at 17:38:24
Well, Judy, for one thing, you do have panache!
But also, given what happened with your previous therapist, who wasn't able to maintain proper boundaries when your illness caused you to test the boundaries, I think what you did with this therapist was probably very important--an important step to test out how safe it will be for you.
And you carried it off with impeccible taste, for sure.
I think that this experience can become "grist for the mill" to help understand how your illness affects you. That is so much more positive than having the professional respond in a way that was harmful to you (as the previous doc apparently did).
Thanks for trusting us on this one.
Posted by judy1 on February 15, 2001, at 23:45:51
In reply to Re: All of you were right- Noa, willow, Scott, posted by Noa on February 15, 2001, at 18:42:04
I know we had a group therapy thread going- but this board is as close as I'll ever get to that setting because of my panic. I can't tell you how much it helps me to get all of your views- I truly feel like I've never been let down here. Thank you again- Judy
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