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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by madison88 on October 7, 2002, at 20:31:22
i just met with a few people from a class to go over a class project. we talked about it for ten minutes and then they spent the next 40 detailing how much they drink, how drunk they get, and all the crazy shit they wind up doing and forgetting. i got more and more upset as they talked. last time i drank, i had 3 beers, and then spent 3 days in bed feeling like i was going to die. my meds don't allow me to have fun like that. they are so careless. i spend every waking moment trying keep control of my pathetic life, such as it is, and i don't want ot hear how much they enjoy losing control. i could easily become alcoholic, and it would be the end of me. i don't want think i am just throwing a pity party for myself, that i can't drink. do i have any right to be upset? life seems so hard to me. i can't bear seeing how these people go out and get trashed every WTFS and still plan on going to med school with 4.0's. i am working my ass off to just get by. maybe i just don't have sense of humor, maybe i take everything too seriously. but isn't life serious?
Posted by Ted on October 7, 2002, at 21:24:03
In reply to college life...a joke?, posted by madison88 on October 7, 2002, at 20:31:22
Hi Madison,
> i just met with a few people from a class to go over a class project. we talked about it for ten minutes and then they spent the next 40 detailing how much they drink, ....
First, perhaps they aren't exactly the "sharpest tools in the shed" if you know what I mean. See if you can find some people with whom to work who are somewhat serious about their education.
Second, there is LOTS to the "college life" other than getting wasted drunk. OK, so I'm weird, but I drank maybe half a pitcher of beer in all my four years -- total -- and I wasn't on any meds at the time.
Don't try to conform. What makes you special isn't being like everyone else. College is where you find out exactly who _you_ are and where you want to go in life. Wasting time on conforming is self-defeating.
Take care and be yourself,
Ted
<just my opinions>
Posted by mair on October 8, 2002, at 20:41:44
In reply to Re: college life...a joke? » madison88, posted by Ted on October 7, 2002, at 21:24:03
How much of what you heard is hyperbole? In my experience, student drinking stories are often like the proverbial "I caught a bigger one than you" fish stories. Also Ted is right. Unless you go to an incredibly small college, chances are there are hundreds of kids there who don't drink themselves silly.
Mair
Posted by shar on October 9, 2002, at 12:15:35
In reply to Re: college life...a joke?, posted by mair on October 8, 2002, at 20:41:44
I had my son when I was 18, so I was already a mom when I started college and didn't hang with the party crowd. However, I did know some of the party crowd, and tho they did seem to have fun they were mostly the rich kid type who didn't have to worry about much except getting passing grades. That life--everything about it--is totally alien to me; to not have to worry about day to day living because someone was taking care of stuff for you? Only in my fantasies.
I do relate to the idea of wishing to be able to party now and then. I have 15 years of sobriety now, and I still miss that uninhibited feeling I could get with drinking--before I got drunk. It was fun, funny, full of laughter, daring (in a non-normal way not a daredevil way), dancing, joking, etc.
Drunk was not nearly as much fun and usually led to throwing up.
Sober people say you can have as much fun sober as any other way, but, frankly I have not found that to be the case. However, I maintain my sobriety because drinking again would be the death of me I'm sure. Not a quick neat death, but a longish drawn-out nasty one, I'm sure.
BTW, in my opinion the term 'pity party' should be outlawed. There is no crime nor shame in recognizing that your life is hard at times, maybe a lot of the time. We shouldn't have to berate ourselves for telling the truth about it being hard.
Wishing you some fun,
Shar
Posted by Rach on October 9, 2002, at 20:52:22
In reply to college life...a joke?, posted by madison88 on October 7, 2002, at 20:31:22
I'm 21, and I went to University for 2 yrs. I lived on campus for all that time, too.
> ...then they spent the next 40 detailing how much they drink, how drunk they get, and all the crazy shit they wind up doing and forgetting.
Honestly, most of this is probably exaggerations. They're basically having a pissing contest to see who is the "coolest". I think you should keep in mind that most people are incredibly insecure, especially when they first start college. Some of them may not like drinking at all, but do it so they appear to fit in and be accepted. I would much rather find true friends who accept my decisions than be everybody's mate and have to compromise myself every WTFS night.
>...last time i drank, i had 3 beers, and then spent 3 days in bed feeling like i was going to die...they are so careless.
Some people can't drink because it gets out of control. Some people can't drink because they are on antibiotics. Some people can't drink because they hate the taste. You may find that even if you come off your meds, you still can't drink. Alcohol is a depressant. Most of us should stay right away from it. Unfortunately, some people can binge drink it, and get away with it.
Yes, college kids are often completely unaware of what they are doing to their bodies, and thus are being careless. But at that stage of life, most kids have complete control over their actions for the first time. They are exploring just what their bodies can and can't handle. They will make many many mistakes, and may continue to do the things that are bad for them so they "fit in". I pity those students, the ones who cannot be firm in their beliefs and decisions and demand to be accepted as they are.
>...do i have any right to be upset? life seems so hard to me. i can't bear seeing how these people go out and get trashed every WTFS and still plan on going to med school with 4.0's. i am working my ass off to just get by. maybe i just don't have sense of humor, maybe i take everything too seriously. but isn't life serious?
Yes, life is serious. But it is also hilarious. It is beautiful, and ugly, and a whole spectrum of descriptive words in between.If you are able to find the laughter in as many places as possible, then the burden of living will ease slightly. You will enjoy things so much more.
You can be upset by this situation, or you can also be encouraged. Encouraged to work your butt off. When you graduate, think how great your grades are going to be. Think of all the party people, trying to fit in, throwing away the experience of college in a haze of drunkenness, and managing to only just pass. They may plan on getting 4.0s, but its not going to happen if they're vomiting every WTFS. So who's going to get the better job? Who will come out on top?
You can still enjoy college. Their are many clubs you can join that have nothing to do with alcohol. You can still go to the odd party and hang out. When people ask you why you're not drinking, there are many replies you can give.
* You can really push to them that you don't drink. Ever. After a couple of parties, people will eventually start to respect that one.
* You can say you're on medication (antibiotics was the typical med of choice at my college, but you don't have to specify what type).
* If you've got great willpower, and nobody will leave you alone, you can carry a drink around. If you mingle, nobody will notice that you've never refreshed your drink.
Madison, be yourself. Perhaps you should have interrupted the discussion and said "This is all fascinating, but we really should get back to that assignment. Once it's done, we could go to the student bar for drinks." That may catch their interest enough for you to finish your meeting. You could then decline to go to the bar, and go back to your friends to laugh at how naive those people are. Be true to your feelings, and to what you know is right for yourself. Anybody important will respect you for that.
Posted by Gracie2 on October 10, 2002, at 22:42:14
In reply to college life...a joke?, posted by madison88 on October 7, 2002, at 20:31:22
My suggestion is to make this your motto: don't complain, don't explain.
You are to be commended for not giving into peer pressure and drinking away your brain cells. Nobody likes a holier-than-thou attitude, but everyone admires someone who sets a goal and makes a hell-bent effort to achieve it. In your case, this would be excellent grades.Don't preach, love your friends no matter how they act, but don't feel compelled to join them.
Be yourself, study hard, and the best of luck to you.
-Gracie
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