Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on April 21, 2006, at 19:35:10
I'm so glad I don't think about death and suicide all the time now. I used to think about it so often that I thought it was just a normal part of me...part of my personality maybe.
Now I realize that it's not. It wasn't normal. I used to think it was normal, that I was doomed to be that way forever.
Now I don't think about dying young. I'm thinking of the future now and I'm really looking forward to it! I'm excited about the future.
I hope I stay this way from now on. I'm not sure what changed within me...I have a new outlook on life now. I don't think it was because of meds or therapy, I think maybe I've matured. I've changed over time.
Any theories on what changed for me? I would like to never go back to the darkness again.
Deneb*
Posted by madeline on April 21, 2006, at 21:48:53
In reply to It's really nice to not think bad thoughts :-), posted by Deneb on April 21, 2006, at 19:35:10
is that it tends to come back.
The key to handling it is knowing that is doesn't stay.
Remember how you feel right now, confident, in control and looking to live your life.
Remember that, and you can beat darkness anytime.
Posted by Deneb on April 21, 2006, at 22:43:08
In reply to The thing about darkness..., posted by madeline on April 21, 2006, at 21:48:53
When I think back, I get scared. I can't believe some of the things I did...Scary stuff.
I'm sorry I did those things and I'm sorry I wrote about them here. :-(
I'm sorry I made threats. I'm going to apologize to Dr. Bob in person.
I hope my dark thoughts never come back. They get dangerous sometimes, don't they? I hope I've outgrown them now.
I think I'm past that stage in my life now. No more bad thoughts. I'm facing the world instead of avoiding it.
I call them my bad/dark thoughts because I don't think it was depression. Depression is not a big problem for me, it's my instability. I used to get the bad thoughts every once in a while. It was my way of thinking.
Now my thinking has changed. I don't know what caused it. My pdoc said it's a combination of meds and therapy, I dunno.
I think it would be pretty cool if it was because of meds. It's really easy to take meds. LOL
If I ever do start getting in a bad way, it'll be hard to imagine the good times. I've never been able to do it.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on April 21, 2006, at 23:08:02
In reply to Re: The thing about darkness..., posted by Deneb on April 21, 2006, at 22:43:08
Deneb so are the tests over and I bet you aced them all. You're a genius. I wish I had your fabulous brain and intelligence. Love Phillipa
Posted by milly on April 22, 2006, at 6:00:10
In reply to It's really nice to not think bad thoughts :-), posted by Deneb on April 21, 2006, at 19:35:10
It is so true it does come back I just wish it was easier to remeber that it will pass (again)
milly
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2006, at 21:42:57
In reply to It's really nice to not think bad thoughts :-), posted by Deneb on April 21, 2006, at 19:35:10
Its so good to see you out of that frame of mind. I find your change very inspirational. Like the others said though, you will encounter brief periods of darkness, its just part of being human. But the difference is you'll be able to come out of them! That's how it is with me anyway. Sometimes I get really distraught and feel like I'm going to lose my mind once and for all. And when that first happens after going a long period without it occuring, its pretty damn scary. Then time passes and I calm down enough to figure out what to do about the situation. It took several episodes for me to really be convinced that when these things happen, I'm not going to stay that way. It will just take time to get out of those old thought processes.
As for meds and therapy, for me, meds took care of the inbalance enough for me to think clearly and actually figure out how to solve my problems. And that's where therapy comes in, because people in our position just aren't used to trying to solve our problems, and the meds can't do that for us. So we need to be taught how to handle them in a healthy way.
Hope your exams are going well. Hang in there in school. Believe me, its much harder to get back into it if you ever get out.
-T
This is the end of the thread.
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