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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Quintal on May 3, 2007, at 18:03:59
Does anyone else feel guilty for not doing anything to commemorate the birthdays of dead family members? Today would have been my mother's sixtieth birthday (I think) and I didn't even mention it to my dad. I was setting the clock on his video so I had to ask him the date, and I suppose we both knew it was an anniversary but neither of us said anything. Seems a little sad, maybe wrong not to say anything at all? But what are you supposed to do, and when is it appropriate to stop?
Q
Posted by gazo on May 3, 2007, at 18:54:51
In reply to Memorials, posted by Quintal on May 3, 2007, at 18:03:59
i am very sorry your mother is no longer with you. i can't imagine how hard that must be. Every anniversary of sorts must be hard. :o(
this may sound trite but it's apropriate to do what feels apropriate to you.. i believe that about life trauma's and deaths in particular. i mean, Mz manners can kiss my.. well, you know. It's all about what makes it feel ok, or at least better or tolerable to you. i have always been kind of curious about how people act and react after a death... my friend's MIL was very concerned the ham she was serving after the funeral be glazed properly. It throws people outside of what to do and the reactions vary so much.. i don't think there can really be any rules or guidelines... i am actually glad there even seem to be more nontraditional funerals now.
Posted by Kath on May 3, 2007, at 20:32:07
In reply to Memorials, posted by Quintal on May 3, 2007, at 18:03:59
I don't think it's something that you need to do.
I haven't, & often those dates pass by without me remembering.
I certainly don't think it's something that there's any reason to feel guilty about.
luv, Kath
Posted by Declan on May 3, 2007, at 22:13:33
In reply to Re: Memorials, posted by Kath on May 3, 2007, at 20:32:07
Every anniversary we have (that we remember) of someone we know, we light a candle in the morning, and let it burn out.
At Christmas it's nice if someone can say a few words just to remember those who are no longer with us.
Posted by karen_kay on May 4, 2007, at 6:23:58
In reply to Memorials, posted by Quintal on May 3, 2007, at 18:03:59
usually for my father it's somethign like this...
someone will say on his birthday soemthing like this:'do you know what today...'
'yes'
soemone will call someone else and begin to say same thing
someone else will call someone else and say same thing.
the chain begins.
we jsut call ro remind eachother with 'do you know what today is....'
that's about it. sometimes we say 'we shoudl get out to his grave'
we do have one sister who always gets out there, plants flowers. bad as it sounds. babs (my sister) and i have both forgotten where hsi gravesite is. (though i know it's not more than 10 miles from where i now live. black hole memory runs in family.)
lots of small talk, lots of inaction. don't feel bad.
Posted by Phillipa on May 4, 2007, at 13:20:02
In reply to Re: Memorials, posted by karen_kay on May 4, 2007, at 6:23:58
As time as gone by I remember the months of the deaths but not the actual days. Love Phillipa and then I just think of them when I do remember.
Posted by karen_kay on May 5, 2007, at 14:08:30
In reply to Re: Memorials, posted by karen_kay on May 4, 2007, at 6:23:58
see, the big birthday was jsut mentioned the other day...
This is the end of the thread.
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