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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Sebastian on September 4, 2003, at 22:11:17
One time I drank and probably did some kind of drugs. I was so out of it, it felt like the time was not real?! So much that I belived that it wasn't. I spent the whole time standing at the bottom of a hill sort of left allone, I shore I wasn't good company, got left allone. One of my frends came over and pooked me on the forhead. I feel over, there I stayed. Didn't remember any of this. Keeped being teased about it not knowing what the joke was about. Got told. Boy did I feel stooped. Everywhere I went wondering if I had lost my mind, did I know this person, how stoped was I in front of them. A girl walked past me and smiled said hi! ____ , I just looked imbarased looked away saying who the hell is that, why don't I remember them. Just a year ago did I figure out who it was some 10 years later. Can't blame my self for not recognizing them, hadn't seen them in years.
Sebastian
Posted by Sebastian on September 4, 2003, at 22:16:08
In reply to Drunk and stoned, posted by Sebastian on September 4, 2003, at 22:11:17
I wonder did my drug and alcohol problems in my teens affect my mental state now. Haven't taken anything illegal in 2 years now, but I still feel like a waste case.
All the depression, anxiety, psychoses happened right into the middle of my drug and alcohol years.
Posted by Arrianna on September 5, 2003, at 0:29:34
In reply to Re: Drunk and stoned, posted by Sebastian on September 4, 2003, at 22:16:08
Hi again Sebastian,
I wonder the same thing!! For myself, I really do believe my use had a big impact on my mental state now: anxiety, etc. Also, my pdoc told me that it is common for chemically dependent people to experience these such things.
Of course, not all who have used will have problems. From my experience, it just varys from one person to another.
On the other hand, were these problems there before we started to use and we just didn't notice them because we were self-medicating? It's a good question, yet I don't know if it's one that can really be answered. It's like asking what came first: the chicken or the egg?
What's everyone else think?
Arrianna
Posted by Ame Sans Vie on September 5, 2003, at 17:32:18
In reply to Re: Drunk and stoned » Sebastian, posted by Arrianna on September 5, 2003, at 0:29:34
I've had ADHD all my life, and occasional depression, but when I was about 11 or 12 the symptoms of social anxiety started to creep up on me and got pretty bad, really quickly. That was eight years ago that it all started coming on, and I can almost guarantee that my past substance abuse from the ages of 14-18, LSD in particular, had an effect on my illness. My social anxiety was always gradually becoming worse from age 12 on, so it's hard to say for sure, but the drugs either made my problems worse, sped up the process of becoming ill, or both. I was fine when I'd do hallucinogens by myself, but with other people around, even my closest friends in the world, I would become very paranoid... wondered what they were thinking about me... wondered if they had any ulterior motives. Hell, I even become a bit paranoid on freaking *Ecstasy*!!
I love tryptamine and phenethylamine psychedelics so much though, and I just couldn't turn them as long as they were available, which was always -- regardless of the fact that I knew I'd have my usual neurotic, paranoid trip. Masochistic in a way, huh? I would always just try to grin and bear it until I reached total ego dissolution and the world no longer existed for several millenia (well, hours in real world time, lol). But all the times I've done LSD, psilocybe mushrooms, peyote, 2C-B, 2C-H, DMT, 5-MeO-DMT, AMT, 5-MeO-AMT, DiPT, MiPT, and various others, that paranoia just engrained itself permanently into my mind.
For about nine months when I was 17, my best friend and I became roommates. Everyday was a party... his parents were loaded, lol. But I think this was the straw that broke the camel's back -- constantly being in a psychedelic haze around dozens of people whom I don't know at all, don't know very well, or am very good friends with but am still totally paranoid... what a mess, lol. During that nine months I began to become "antisocial". I never wanted to go out to the clubs or bars when everyone else did and I was *extremely* moody all the time. My friend moved out because of that. I just woke up to a note one morning that simply said he couldn't stand all the constant ups and downs. He thought I was bipolar, but it apparently was just the situation I was in that was causing the highs and lows. I mean, what did he expect would happen if he kept seemingly endless supplies of psychedelics, cocaine, pills, ice, weed, hash, PCP, Ketalar, DXM, etc etc etc just basically lying around the house?
So my moods stabilized when I moved back in with my parents in June 2001, and that's when the agoraphobia hit me like a ton of bricks. I had already been trying medication after medication ever since I was 13, but two years ago was when the really aggressive treatment began. I still do psychedelics occasionally (three or four times a year, tops), but for legitimate religious purposes. And yes, I make sure to use them only when I'm alone, lol.
Well, sorry for rambling on all this time, but I just felt a compulsion to respond in detail, lol.
Posted by Sebastian on September 5, 2003, at 19:12:27
In reply to Re: Drunk and stoned, posted by Ame Sans Vie on September 5, 2003, at 17:32:18
Curious, did any mental illness start befor any drug use? Was it at the same time or drug use then mental illness? lol, does that mean no hard feelings or what? Don't understand.
When I was using all the drugs I had no problem going out in public, to all the clubs partys pool anywhere. When the illness set in thats when I started to stay home or out in the shead smoking pot, people would stop buy leave. I never went anywhere. It got bad eventualy I stoped the drugs all of them cigs too, went to school and exercised, no frends didn't talk to anyone, honistly no one knew me. I had moved to, far away. Was seemingly fine went home got back into drugs. Went back to school any went psychotic, real bad. My dad fly down, took me to doctor, took me back home was in and out of the hospital 3 times. Acting real weird staying in the house all the time (aggorifobic), watched tv when I was taking my meds, sat in my room when I wasn't. Anyways I got over the aggoriphobia mostly now, went through fazes of heavy drugs and drinking to abstinace. Having my longest period of abstaning right now - 2 years! - few drinks on the weekends thats all, and lots of meds.
Posted by starlight on September 11, 2003, at 17:51:20
In reply to Re: Drunk and stoned » Sebastian, posted by Arrianna on September 5, 2003, at 0:29:34
For me the egg came first. I was severly depressed in my youth. It wasn't until I was older that I found how soothing alcohol and pot could be. I also notice I smoke more pot when I'm on a high - on the depressive side (bipolar) I have less of a tendency to smoke or drink - but then again, it just depends. But I was fucked mentally first.
starlight
Posted by Sebastian on September 11, 2003, at 19:45:31
In reply to Re: Drunk and stoned, posted by starlight on September 11, 2003, at 17:51:20
Interesting...
This is the end of the thread.
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