![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 7:48:29
Being sober is one thing. Staying sober is another. How do you change, at 42 years of age, an entire lifetime of behaviors, reactions and actions, and reinvent your very inner self? "Just don't drink" takes care of this moment, and you can say over and do it over and over again and voila! you've made it to the end of the day without one.
But to learn to LIVE and enjoy life in sobriety? That's the part that, at the moment, stumps me. I don't have friends to call. I don't have family who aren't judgemental or as messed up as I am (and no one lives anywhere near me). It's at this point where my isolation really, really hurts. That's what drinking used to suspend - the hurt of isolation.
When I stopped drinking, I didn't all of a sudden become a gregarious, outgoing and engaging woman with a quick wit and ability to attract friends like flypaper. Hmmm, bad analogy. I'm the same old partlycloudy, without the drink. No cushion between me and my flimsy self esteem. It gets bolstered up, it whithers away. It's a fragile, tentative thing, and it's hard to maintain in the bright light of being sober.This post isn't going anywhere except to say that I feel like my work is just starting. I have a lot of gaping holes in my psyche, ego, whatever you want to call it, that used to be filled with a nice Cabernet or a gin martini. Being sober makes me feel quite naked.
pc
Posted by Impermanence on March 11, 2005, at 13:52:15
In reply to So does this ever get any easier?, posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 7:48:29
"ability to attract friends like flypaper." LOL
I'm with you hun, I can relate to everything you said. I miss my larger and I don't feel any better for being off it apart from the withdrawals. I believe the greatest way to fill those gaping holes is to simply feel, all that trapped emotion needs to be acknoleged before it can be released. You're getting there partlycloudy, nobody ever said it was a peice of cake. You're on the right path and thats all that matters.
You don't have to abstain from everything, I find weed to be a great help for the boredom. Go on hun, treat yourself to something nice.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 14:26:44
In reply to Re: So does this ever get any easier? » partlycloudy, posted by Impermanence on March 11, 2005, at 13:52:15
You're a sweetheart, ya know that?
I never knew you used to be a lager-head. I was an India Pale Ale girl and by d*g, I'd swill it by the pint! Most unladylike...
but it saved time waiting at the bar.At least this weekend I won't be alone - that makes it so much easier for me.
Posted by AuntieMel on March 11, 2005, at 18:12:04
In reply to Re: So does this ever get any easier? » Impermanence, posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 14:26:44
A pint of bitter for me, maam.
But to answer the question - yes, it gets lots easier. By the minute, by the hour, by the day.
Of course you won't suddenly be miss p*m p*m. You weren't before you started, why would you be now?
It is rough at first, but do-able. I was older than you (48 when I quit) and I had a lifetime of bad habits and running from reality myself.
You can call me if you want, you know.
Posted by Impermanence on March 12, 2005, at 5:26:26
In reply to Re: So does this ever get any easier? » Impermanence, posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 14:26:44
LOL, I like a girl who can handle a pint!!!
Man I loved my larger, still do !! I just keep reminding myself of the choking and panic and horrors I used to go through and then It doesen't look as fun as the adds on T.V. tell me it is every ten minutes lol. It's early days yet, all we have to do is keep doing what we're doing.No you're certainly not alone hun, we're in this together and we're both gonna get through it also. xxx
Posted by antigua on March 14, 2005, at 17:01:57
In reply to So does this ever get any easier?, posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 7:48:29
I'm a little late coming to this, but it will get easier and (horrors) you will find something to do to fill the time and one day you will notice that you're actually having fun!!
I go to a SMART meeting once a week for my laughs, just so the drudgery of recovery doesn't seem interminable. I have made some great friends and learned to have a great time (laughing at my own expense, I might add) w/o drinking. There's nothing like a disparate group of people trying to get over their addictions by poking fun at life. Sometimes I laugh so hard I can't remember why I was in such a bad mood in the first place.
antigua
Posted by AuntieMel on March 14, 2005, at 17:22:09
In reply to Re: So does this ever get any easier?, posted by antigua on March 14, 2005, at 17:01:57
Posted by antigua on March 15, 2005, at 9:06:57
In reply to Re: what's a smart meeting? (nm) » antigua, posted by AuntieMel on March 14, 2005, at 17:22:09
It's that "other" group. Geez, I can't remember what it stands for. www.smartrecovery.org has all the info. Self-Management and Recovery Training, I had to look it up. Some groups are more structured than others (it's based on Ellis' Rational Recovery, I think). There's only one meeting every night of the week in my area, and only one that I can get to.
It's based on group therapy; there's cross talk and in our group there is a whole lot of banter going on. The focus in on changing our addiction patterns by changing our behavior. No great science. Most of us don't count days and there is no finger pointing over relapses. But we do hold each other accountable and our willing to point out weaknesses, in the cleverest way possible of course. We have a facilitator and the first part of the 90 min meeting is checking in and letting everyone know how we're doing. The latter part of the meeting (if there aren't too many people), we focus on issues that were brought up that might need further discussion. We share our ideas for getting through the day, or a particular event that may be troubling us. We let newcomers know that they aren't alone and what they may face in recovery. Oftentimes, people show up once and you never see them again, but as I said, we have a core group of about 10-12 people who come regularly.
A lot of people come because there is no spiritual component, but I personally believe that spirituality is a huge part of my recovery so I just leave that at the door.
Anything else you'd like to know? It has been a lifesaver for me.
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on March 15, 2005, at 13:16:32
In reply to Re: what's a smart meeting? » AuntieMel, posted by antigua on March 15, 2005, at 9:06:57
I have been doing an awful lot of research about the different recovery systems and support groups out there. I have just (like half an hour ago) added some nutritional supplments into the fray because I can see that there is a direct correlation between my addiction and possible low blood sugar. It's as simple as realizing that if I'm in a bad mood, eating something sweet- or having a drink of alcohol- make me feel equally better, though neither for any length of time, and then I feel worse than before.
It's ending up to be a strange amalgam of beliefs and behaviours, but I only have this one life on earth and I'm determined to make it better than it has been. (My own private cheerleading team is present today.)
I'm finding that if I can plan some structure into my evenings, they aren't as dangerous a time for me. For the moment I am tabling the Lonely Me lamentation because this isn't something that has developed over the years with the alcoholism; I never had many friends as a child, mostly due to our domestic upheavals because of my dad's alcoholism. Not once - ever - did I bring a friend home after school, even to play in the yard! You just never knew what shape he'd be in or when he'd literally stumble in. So being sober and alone feels worse than drunk and alone, only because I can FEEL it.
If I can conquer the cravings (which have been severe lately, and prompted me to find some nutritional supplements to take); overcome the trigger responses to seeing drinking behaviours in others (seeing my childhood flash before me in situation after situation), and learn to like myself enough to be alone with myself for an entire evening and leave any pity at the doorstep - then I think I have a chance at learning how to live in sobriety.
I truly, truly appreciate all of your help, concern, advice, support, and love (yes, I can feel the cyber love from everyone).
pc
Posted by AuntieMel on March 15, 2005, at 14:01:14
In reply to Where I am today, posted by partlycloudy on March 15, 2005, at 13:16:32
There is no 'right' way or 'wrong' way. Each person has to do what works for him.
You'll find it.
Posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 16:31:38
In reply to Where I am today, posted by partlycloudy on March 15, 2005, at 13:16:32
I agree with AuntieMel, you are making your own path. I feel that I did that myself. I hate when somebody tells me there is only one right way to do this; I'm not everybody. I actually got into an argument w/my best friend over this the other night on the phone. She told me I was going to fail, she knew it, because I wasn't following what she considers the "only" path.
I have another friend in recovery and he says what you say all the time--we all have to find what works for us, and you are doing that partlycloudy.
good luck,
antigua
Posted by mattsit on March 17, 2005, at 8:57:49
In reply to So does this ever get any easier?, posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 7:48:29
So let me understand.....did you drink your whole life, heavily into your 40's? Where did that leave you physcially...
Im 26 and drank heavily for 3 years...the last 3 ive really pulled that down as I get serious about work and life. I just worry from time to time that i have damaged my insides beyond repair...Is that even possible in such a short timeframe? I dont know...I dont feel bad, i think i just overreact to the smallest tingle here or there....Its all in my head maybe...
Posted by partlycloudy on March 17, 2005, at 11:15:07
In reply to Re: So does this ever get any easier?, posted by mattsit on March 17, 2005, at 8:57:49
Let's see - I started to drink at 16, and drank heavily (that is, I would drink every day) from the time I was 21 until I was 38. Since then I have quit completely several times - the whole idea that I can ever drink in moderation is a cruel joke. My liver function has always tested as healthy, much to my surprise and relief.
I didn't start blacking out until I was 38, which was what scared me sober. Oh, that and falling on my face once, breaking off my front teeth. Now there's a class act! (They're all fixed up - all you need is money and a good dentist.)
Posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2005, at 12:18:14
In reply to Re: So does this ever get any easier? » mattsit, posted by partlycloudy on March 17, 2005, at 11:15:07
I started at 17 is, it got heavy at around 25 and I didn't quit till 48. My blood tests are good too, to everyone's surprise.
Posted by TamaraJ on March 18, 2005, at 18:15:45
In reply to So does this ever get any easier?, posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 7:48:29
I am late coming to this thread, but I wanted to let you know that yes, partlycloudy, it does get easier :-) Hang in there, and may find that life takes on a whole new meaning. And, who knows, maybe with a little sobriety, I hope that you will come to realize that the sober partlycloudy that lives inside of you is not so bad after all, that you drank not because you didn't like yourself, but you didn't think others could like the "real" you. And, there will come a day that you are not just staying sober, but that you are living sober. And with that new found freedom will come a wealth of possibilities and potential friends (who share common interests and like you "just the way you are".
All the best to you partlycloudy. I wish for you much love, laughter, happiness and peace of mind. Take good care.
Tamara
P.S. If you ever need to talk to a fellow alcoholic, I, too, would be happy to babble you my phone number. There is strength in numbers, and reaching out and distracting onesself can mean the difference between picking up and not picking up.> Being sober is one thing. Staying sober is another. How do you change, at 42 years of age, an entire lifetime of behaviors, reactions and actions, and reinvent your very inner self? "Just don't drink" takes care of this moment, and you can say over and do it over and over again and voila! you've made it to the end of the day without one.
> But to learn to LIVE and enjoy life in sobriety? That's the part that, at the moment, stumps me. I don't have friends to call. I don't have family who aren't judgemental or as messed up as I am (and no one lives anywhere near me). It's at this point where my isolation really, really hurts. That's what drinking used to suspend - the hurt of isolation.
> When I stopped drinking, I didn't all of a sudden become a gregarious, outgoing and engaging woman with a quick wit and ability to attract friends like flypaper. Hmmm, bad analogy. I'm the same old partlycloudy, without the drink. No cushion between me and my flimsy self esteem. It gets bolstered up, it whithers away. It's a fragile, tentative thing, and it's hard to maintain in the bright light of being sober.
>
> This post isn't going anywhere except to say that I feel like my work is just starting. I have a lot of gaping holes in my psyche, ego, whatever you want to call it, that used to be filled with a nice Cabernet or a gin martini. Being sober makes me feel quite naked.
> pc
>
Posted by TamaraJ on March 20, 2005, at 22:41:06
In reply to Where I am today, posted by partlycloudy on March 15, 2005, at 13:16:32
Posted by partlycloudy on March 21, 2005, at 4:40:08
In reply to Partlycloudy - You ok? Hope u r hanging in there. (nm) » partlycloudy, posted by TamaraJ on March 20, 2005, at 22:41:06
I am hanging in! We just had houseguests this weekend - one of whom is a wine (whine) snob; and I didn't break or scream, or cry (which I'd done before when he's visted).
Whew.
Posted by crushedout on March 23, 2005, at 21:44:56
In reply to Where I am today, posted by partlycloudy on March 15, 2005, at 13:16:32
Posted by partlycloudy on March 25, 2005, at 10:49:28
In reply to i'm so happy you're doing this pc you sound good (nm), posted by crushedout on March 23, 2005, at 21:44:56
You were having a hard time there. R U feeling better, crushed?
pc
Posted by crushedout on April 23, 2005, at 16:38:12
In reply to Thanks! How about you? » crushedout, posted by partlycloudy on March 25, 2005, at 10:49:28
i only just saw this, pc!i'm doing a TON better but that was a long time ago.
how are YOU? i haven't seen much of you around lately. not that i've been around much either.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Substance Use | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.