![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 51 to 75 of 79. Go back in thread:
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 1, 2005, at 16:42:01
In reply to Re: Just wanted to share this » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on May 31, 2005, at 8:18:44
hi sunny,
I would have normally said right away I am not co-dependent BUT I am now wondering. What defines a person as co-dependent?I may just be a control freak...Im not really co-dependent with the person in question Im almost positive on that but its with anohter peson involved Im wondering about.
It is so much easier now not worrying but there is an empty feeling, like where are the phone calls and when will I get 'the phone call' but I dont think that at all anymore. It is such a strange feeling. Good, but different. I was always brainstorming about what to do and now I dont have to do anything but focus on me. Ick! Maybe all these years of focussing on someone else has prevented me from focussing on me and taking responsibility of 'my' life. So.... do I sound co-dependent :-)?
rain
Posted by TamaraJ on June 1, 2005, at 16:53:07
In reply to Re: Just wanted to share this, posted by rainbowbrite on June 1, 2005, at 16:42:01
Hi Rain,
Here is a list of characteristics of a co-dependent and a list of questions to help a person determine whether they are co-dependent, for your information.
Characteristics of Co-Dependent People Are:
An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others.
A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue.
A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time.
A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts.
An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment.
An extreme need for approval and recognition.
A sense of guilt when asserting themselves.
A compelling need to control others.
Lack of trust in self and/or others.
Fear of being abandoned or alone.
Difficulty identifying feelings.
Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change.
Problems with intimacy/boundaries.
Chronic anger.
Lying/dishonesty.
Poor communications
Difficulty making decisions.Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-Dependency
This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 1, 2005, at 17:29:24
In reply to Re: Just wanted to share this » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on June 1, 2005, at 16:53:07
I think I may not be :-)
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 14:47:22
In reply to Thanks Tamara :-), posted by rainbowbrite on June 1, 2005, at 17:29:24
for this person liver :-( All back to the way it was before in a matter of hours.
Posted by sunny10 on June 10, 2005, at 10:21:43
In reply to things last only so long...too bad and too bad, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 14:47:22
I'm so sorry to hear this, 'brite.
And sorry I wasn't here for you.
I hope you are doing well and I'm GLAD that you didn't see yourself in Tamara's list !
Unfortunately, I am almost ALL of them...sigh...
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 12, 2005, at 18:40:49
In reply to Re: things last only so long...too bad and too bad » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 10, 2005, at 10:21:43
aww Sunny I hope you are feeling better, dont be sorry.
Im trying to stay disconnected from it atm...actually, from emotions too, just easier that way. Im sick of feeling unpleasant feelings.
I got a few yes answers on Tamara's list but I lean more towards the no's cause I think it is too easy for me to say yes to many...hmm did I just make any sense? Im probably up there, but not quite there.
thanks
Posted by sunny10 on June 13, 2005, at 10:51:29
In reply to Re: things last only so long...too bad and too bad » sunny10, posted by rainbowbrite on June 12, 2005, at 18:40:49
if you're attempting to answer in a way that pleases either Tamara or me than I would say you are (smile)...
It's a tough one to call sometimes... is it "co-dependent" to want to be a nice person that is easy to get along with?
Hmmmm....
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 13, 2005, at 22:05:04
In reply to Re: things last only so long...too bad and too bad » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 13, 2005, at 10:51:29
> if you're attempting to answer in a way that pleases either Tamara or me than I would say you are (smile)...
good! :-)
> It's a tough one to call sometimes... is it "co-dependent" to want to be a nice person that is easy to get along with?
Thats actually funny when you phrase it like that. i think we need more co-dependents in the world hehe.
What I wonder is if it is co-dependent to want to be in control of everything...thats what got me on the list :-) I feel like in this situation I am the ONLY one qualified to make good decisions. Or does that make me a control freak?? or a control freak with co-dependent issues LOL I think Im just more controlling :-)
Posted by sunny10 on June 14, 2005, at 7:48:45
In reply to Re: things last only so long...too bad and too bad » sunny10, posted by rainbowbrite on June 13, 2005, at 22:05:04
my T says that I have anxiety because I try to control things/people that I can't because I can't control my own thoughts/feelings/moods. And that I can't control myself because of both nurture and nature (bad childhood (and subsequent relationships) AND chemical depression from my DNA.
Does that help?
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 15, 2005, at 7:44:46
In reply to Re: things last only so long...too bad and too bad, posted by sunny10 on June 14, 2005, at 7:48:45
yeah it does. It makes me feel crazy when things are not going as I want. I have often wondered if I am focussing so much energy on this because Im avoiding something with me. Or maybe it is as your T suggested, a way to gain control while I dont feel I have it in my life. hmmm... Way to make me think Sunny LOL :-)
Posted by sunny10 on June 15, 2005, at 10:33:39
In reply to Re: things last only so long...too bad and too bad, posted by rainbowbrite on June 15, 2005, at 7:44:46
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 15, 2005, at 11:11:09
In reply to Re: really wish I didn't HAVE to think (nm) » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 15, 2005, at 10:33:39
capacity then, I hate thinking
Posted by sunny10 on June 15, 2005, at 11:20:20
In reply to I wish I had fluff in my brain :-) no thinking..., posted by rainbowbrite on June 15, 2005, at 11:11:09
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 15:21:12
In reply to Re: me, too (nm) » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 15, 2005, at 11:20:20
can someone please remind me how to keep my sanity through a really rough patch please? Its too much right now and Im now realizing Ive been sucked...its really hard to think clear right now
Thanks
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 16:14:20
In reply to On a serious note, posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 15:21:12
Posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 8:31:51
In reply to On a serious note, posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 15:21:12
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 10:36:25
In reply to Re: okay, I give up, what are you going to do? (nm) » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 8:31:51
I have to get away from it what ever it takes, medicate myself till I dont feel so bad and hope hope hope hope hope for the best....because at this point there is no room left for it getting worse....that is before the VERY VERY worst possible outcome occurs...and I now welcome it with big wide open arms
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 10:39:29
In reply to oh sorry....didnt mean to leave you hanging, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 10:36:25
worse and it cant even actually get worse, it is just so f*cking confusing for me
So I fail at what Im supposed to do because Everything IS crushing me at the moment.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 11:25:41
In reply to oh sorry....didnt mean to leave you hanging, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 10:36:25
>>medicate myself till I dont feel so bad
of course I mean responsibily in case that came accross wrong
Posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 11:40:43
In reply to correction, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 11:25:41
it DID throw me for a second, so thanks for the clarification.
I'm going to tell you what my SO told me just last night.
"stop thinking and allow yourself to just be. Slow down." What he meant was that I was anxious, then engaging in catastrophic thinking, which only panicked me more. He told me to give myself permission to let go of the responsibility I felt toward everything and just "be" for now. Don't take any actions, don't make any decisions.
And he said that because he knew I was feeling extremely overwhelmed.
He said there would be plenty of time for decisive actions after I managed to control my own emotions first.
For me, it means, refuse to react. It means, act after having a chance to rationally think about a situation instead of reacting with chaos and panic.
The truth is, that in our society, there is rarely a need for a true fight or flight reaction.
You know, unless you're being mugged or something...
I'm sure that if you take prescribed meds correctly (or have a slow glass of wine after dinner- one glass) you can manage to slow your thoughts down until you can decide not to react.
Does any of that help you? It helped me, but I realize that we are not the same person...
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 15:14:32
In reply to Re: correction » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 11:40:43
OMG I just wrote this long reply back and it disapeared? hmm
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 15:33:08
In reply to Re: correction » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 11:40:43
> it DID throw me for a second, so thanks for the clarification.
>
Im just having such a bad day that I have been taking stuff and I realized that this place is probably a place I should make the effort to clear that comment up.> "stop thinking and allow yourself to just be. Slow down." What he meant was that I was anxious, then engaging in catastrophic thinking, which only panicked me more. He told me to give myself permission to let go of the responsibility I felt toward everything and just "be" for now. Don't take any actions, don't make any decisions.
hes right, and I do need to stop thinking too. Im so fast Im moving a mile a minute and Im thiking just as fast if not faster. I feel like Im having heart and breathing problems, Im sure I wont die or anything but Im definatley feeling things. At this point the dscisions are out of my hands...so so frustrating. I just don tunderstand why people hurt themselves so much...its hard for me to grasp this, I guess Im hurting myself by allowing it to get to me but different...i just dont understand how a person can do these things :-( All I want is some silence, calmness for more than a few days, I want to be off high alert. It cant be healthy living like this...> And he said that because he knew I was feeling extremely overwhelmed.
are you feeling better today?
> For me, it means, refuse to react. It means, act after having a chance to rationally think about a situation instead of reacting with chaos and panic.
Im definatly not thinking rationally, Im biting EVERYONES head off, Im way way too stressed and overwhellmed.
> I'm sure that if you take prescribed meds correctly (or have a slow glass of wine after dinner- one glass) you can manage to slow your thoughts down until you can decide not to react.GReat Idea!! why didnt I think of that? A glass of wine would help so much. And probably better for me, more natural anyway.
> Does any of that help you? It helped me, but I realize that we are not the same person...
It helps so much Sunny. It helps knowing that there is someone there who understands, because not many do, and everything you say makes so much sense and gets me thinking. thanks
Posted by sunny10 on June 24, 2005, at 8:46:18
In reply to Re: correction, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 15:33:08
you'd be surprised, I think, by how many people DO understand this stuff!
For some reason, it is just always easier to logically put ourselves in someone else's shoes and offer support and advice.
Mainly because when it is OUR problems, we are already so immersed in them (and panicked) that rational thought is just beyond us in that particular period in our lives. Or. at least, that's my theory.
Thanks for asking if I'm okay. It comes and goes... I'm having a particular problem with fear of abandonment which is causing some irrational thinking and sleepless nights.
My SO and I had made a pact to tell each other right away if we felt something was amiss instead of letting it get bigger than it really is in our minds before talking about it.
But I have been thinking some pretty horrible thoughts and made the mistake of telling him, which caused a fracas. Now I have had to tell him that I can't make good on this pact until my meds are working properly. Of course, he was so hurt by my "accusations", that he has readily agreed that the pact is on hold.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 24, 2005, at 10:17:06
In reply to Re: correction, posted by sunny10 on June 24, 2005, at 8:46:18
> you'd be surprised, I think, by how many people DO understand this stuff!
well i dont know...sometimes I think there are exceptions to that...the things people say or dont say...its just not even near normal whats going on...so how can I expect people to grasp it? you know?
> For some reason, it is just always easier to logically put ourselves in someone else's shoes and offer support and advice.
Yes thats very very true!
> Mainly because when it is OUR problems, we are already so immersed in them (and panicked) that rational thought is just beyond us in that particular period in our lives. Or. at least, that's my theory.
I think its a correct theory. Im definately lost in this.
> Thanks for asking if I'm okay. It comes and goes... I'm having a particular problem with fear of abandonment which is causing some irrational thinking and sleepless nights.
> My SO and I had made a pact to tell each other right away if we felt something was amiss instead of letting it get bigger than it really is in our minds before talking about it.
hey thats such a great idea!
> But I have been thinking some pretty horrible thoughts and made the mistake of telling him, which caused a fracas. Now I have had to tell him that I can't make good on this pact until my meds are working properly. Of course, he was so hurt by my "accusations", that he has readily agreed that the pact is on hold.aww thats good of him, It sounds like from what you have written that he is a good guy? Yeah I saw something about your meds....are they still being weird or I should say, they are still making you feel weird?
Posted by sunny10 on June 27, 2005, at 12:57:38
In reply to Re: correction » sunny10, posted by rainbowbrite on June 24, 2005, at 10:17:06
trying to make this thread about me...
How are YOU holding up?
Thanks again for your babblemail. I don't get to my "netmail" as often as I'd like...
I prefer using the computer during working hours and not much at home (usually around lunchtime), but my employers have blocked all outside "netmail".
I work for a subsidiary of a banking institution- strict firewalls and blocks...
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Substance Use | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.