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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
What is it? Is addiction when you can't spend a day without your stuff? Is it what happens when you need your stuff to elevate your mood in spite of AD's? Is it when you know you're damaging your short-term memory, you're starting to feel the effects of that more often than not. God I never, never ever thought this could happen.. what a disgrace. I'm a bloody disgrace, I've disgraced myself and everybody who knows me just knows there's something wrong with me, and I have to keep up a front all the time, at work, nobody knows I do this every day and if they did I'd be watched so closely life wouldn't be worth it. I hate what I'm doing to myself, what I did and I can't stop doing. Why am I doing this, why? I just have to rant and rave about this, I have to hate myself for doing this to me. And even when I know this damage is probably happening to my brain, my life is still a hundred thousand times better than it ever has been, which is awful, just awful to know. I hate all of it, all of it, I can't stand it I really just want to drown my feelings, but I don't because if I do life'll be just like it was before, when there was nothing and no one to hope for.
Posted by TamaraJ on July 4, 2005, at 20:44:37
In reply to Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am., posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
For me, an addiction was not being able to, and not wanting to, go a day without. And, thinking about, more like obsessing, and making plans for what I was going to have that night about an hour or more before I left work was another clue for me that I had a bit of a problem. I thought, no I knew, long before I accepted it that I had a problem, even told myself many times but wasn't ready to give it up. I wasn't on an AD when I was drinking and smoking drugs.
You're not a bloody disgrace, and I am sure you haven't disgraced everyone who knows you, particularly if, as you say, you put up a front so others don't know. And, hating yourself isn't going to help or make it better or change it - that just makes you feel worse and makes you want to use more, at least it did in my case.
Life doesn't have to suck without booze and drugs. It can be quite good, and fulfilling and rewarding. It was an adjustment, but it wasn't bad at all.
I have heard some people say that if you think you have a problem and you are asking the question, it is likely that you have a problem. But, it is something that the person has to come to terms with on their own, when they are ready to accept it and change it.
Just my views, based on my own experience FWIW.
Tamara
Posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 21:21:18
In reply to Re: Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am. » Susan47, posted by TamaraJ on July 4, 2005, at 20:44:37
It's worth quite a bit, thanks Tamara. I know.
Posted by Declan on July 5, 2005, at 1:15:07
In reply to Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am., posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
What is it that you worry about being addicted to?
Declan
Posted by AuntieMel on July 5, 2005, at 9:49:25
In reply to Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am., posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
Maybe you are an addict, maybe you aren't. You need to be the final one to answer that question.
But if you come to the conclusion that you are? CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! - You've just made the biggest step towards recovery - it's downhill from there.
I think the key word for determining addiction is "can't" - if you "can't" go a day without, if you "can't" start once you've started, etc, etc.
It's different "symptoms" with different people. For instance, I never really thought about it at work, but didn't get three steps inside the door without popping a top or pouring a drink.
I had a love affair with booze - it consoled me when I was down, it celebrated with me when I was up, it made me brave when I was scared. The thought of life without it scared me to death.
It was painful to say goodbye.
Are you a disgrace? If you are, then so am I and so is PC and so is Tamara and so are millions of other people. Only the uneducated will make a judgement call like that.
Here are the "official" (United States) guidelines for abuse and dependence:
http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/subabuse.htm
http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/subdep.htm
Posted by alexandra_k on July 6, 2005, at 5:44:11
In reply to Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am., posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
I wasn't trying to give you a hard time over on social - I was kidding around. I'm sorry it sounds like I didn't pick my timing too good.
You are the only one who knows whether it is a problem in your life or not.
Personally... Yeah, I use quite a bit. I use when I'm down. It is a coping strategy. Mostly - it works for me. I also use when I'm up, however, and well... It works for me then as well.
I dunno Susan.
Maybe ya want to cut back a little?????
Posted by TamaraJ on July 7, 2005, at 20:25:59
In reply to Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am., posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
Posted by Mijafelix on July 12, 2005, at 13:23:26
In reply to Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am., posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
hey susan what is it that you are addicted to? if you don't mind me asking. my dad was an alcholic(he's died 11 years ago) my husband is a mth addict, he like to sniff it - i persoanlly ahve never tried it, but i know that he has fooled me for a long time, been married for 6 year together for 9 and he has been using the whole time, amybe i am just naive but i only found out a year and a half ago, i suspected but could never prove it, guess maybe i was in denial. Well this is only my opinion but i think if you have to cover up what is really going on in your life, if you can't imagine going a day without, if you are always on the search for it when you don't have any, if you feel as like you can have a good time without it or you are in a bad mood if you don't then i think you have a valid concern. We all need to love ourselves enough not to do things that are going to harm us in the long run. Peace
Posted by Festus on August 6, 2005, at 16:13:55
In reply to Am I an addict? I need to know. I think I am., posted by Susan47 on July 4, 2005, at 20:19:33
It sounds to me ,Susan,that you are a person of high-character and quality.Someone that was not of such demeanor would not be so forthright and honest about themselves and the burning desire to be un-like you are now.They would not come on to a Public Forum and tell these things for all to hear,perhaps hoping to save others from this pit of despair.Good-Luck
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