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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
I decided not to go to the babble thing in Toronto. And I am really good, no, I am incredibly fantastic, at beating myself up. And I felt like a real sh*thead for bailing. I already have a good case of self loathing going on right now. I just realized that if I feel so anxious about it now, by May I'm going to be very ill. I did the safe thing for me and stepped out.
So yesterday I bought a lovely bottle of sauvignon blanc and drank it in the afternoon. I passed out in the evening. So now I really have something to loathe about myself. Where did I put that willow branch?
A bump in the road, I know. Whatever.
Posted by antigua on January 12, 2006, at 9:38:07
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
Just pick yourself up and start a new day. The sun comes up everyday and you can be whomever you want to be each day.
Try not to beat yourself up. Forgive yourself. You have made such incredible progress and nobody can take away those sober days.
I've definitely slipped on my journey, but I keep remembering that I am choosing to live a sober life and I love it.
Post if you want. It's not the end of the world and try not to take it out on yourself.
best,
antigua
Posted by AuntieMel on January 12, 2006, at 10:03:53
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
Well, we all have bad days.
Now stop that or I'll bring you the willow branch!
Back on the wagon, missy.
Posted by vainamoinen on January 12, 2006, at 14:38:01
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
My experience has been that once the alcohol was out of my system that the real problem emerged. In my case depression with medication induced mania. But in addition to that, I have plenty of neurotic personality traits or what AA would call "character defects".
I think that medical research will uncover more and more a link between genetics, abnormal drinking, and stress.
The program of AA really is designed to target the latter. Meaning that through the development of a social support system, cognitive-behavioral "tricks", and genuine personal growth we can reduce substantially or eliminate triggers that bring us back to the destructive behavior.
Good luck!
Posted by James K on January 12, 2006, at 17:27:45
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
Maybe if we say mean things to you, you won't feel compelled to say them to yourself.
I've stressed myself silly before over something in the future. Taking care of ourselves comes first.
I'm sorry to hear about it, but thank you for telling us. If or when the day comes for me, it will be easier to talk about knowing it happens to the Best of us.
with love,
james k
Posted by Deneb on January 12, 2006, at 20:14:16
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
You're in my thoughts ClearSkies.
I know you can do it. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Don't worry about the Babble thing.
Deneb
Posted by Maynerd on January 13, 2006, at 2:52:13
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
Being an introvert I can't really say much about you 'bailing' out on the Babble thing, I am famous for avoiding things like that. Personally it sounds as if you know yourself well enough to make an informed decision in that regard.
About buying and drinking that bottle, sh*t happens. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, I know I have made more than my fair share in this life. You did nothing to loath yourself for, you did do something that you will have to pick yourself up from, dust off your spirit, figure out what there is to learn from this, and restart your life down the path you have chosen for yourself.
Just remember that none of this defines who you are, you define who you are and from what I've read around here you are a caring and wonderful person with a beautiful soul.
Posted by AuntieMel on January 13, 2006, at 8:18:24
In reply to Re: A slip, posted by Maynerd on January 13, 2006, at 2:52:13
"from what I've read around here you are a caring and wonderful person with a beautiful soul."
That - she is indeed!
Posted by antigua on January 13, 2006, at 8:23:25
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
Now that your head is clearer (right? I hope) do you know why bailing on the Babble trip triggered you?
antigu
Posted by sabrina0805 on January 13, 2006, at 14:16:48
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
CS - all my thoughts are with you. I don't know what else to say because I hurt so much for you. You named your post aptly - a slip - that's all it was. I look up to you - always.
Much love and a long comforting hug
Sabrina
Posted by vbAgent on January 13, 2006, at 15:53:38
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
> I decided not to go to the babble thing in Toronto. And I am really good, no, I am incredibly fantastic, at beating myself up. And I felt like a real sh*thead for bailing. I already have a good case of self loathing going on right now. I just realized that if I feel so anxious about it now, by May I'm going to be very ill. I did the safe thing for me and stepped out.
>
> So yesterday I bought a lovely bottle of sauvignon blanc and drank it in the afternoon. I passed out in the evening. So now I really have something to loathe about myself. Where did I put that willow branch?
>
> A bump in the road, I know. Whatever.Taken from Max Ehrmann's Desiderata:
...
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should....
A slip. Big deal. Pick yourself, as tomorrow is a new day. Don't be so hard on yourself ClearSkies. This too will pass...
Posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2006, at 20:08:05
In reply to Re: A slip » ClearSkies, posted by antigua on January 13, 2006, at 8:23:25
> Now that your head is clearer (right? I hope) do you know why bailing on the Babble trip triggered you?
> antiguDeciding not to go made me feel like I'd failed myself, and so far in advance of the event! But all those What If's were already keeping me awake at night.
Afraid, afraid, afraid... of going home; of being with people who know me so well but don't know me; of being judged; of judging.
Posted by antigua on January 13, 2006, at 20:30:14
In reply to Re: A slip » antigua, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2006, at 20:08:05
I don't know what to say. I would never judge you, and I think you are a remarkable woman. But going home would be tough, because you're evolving into a new woman and maybe you're just not fully there yet and still don't want to be known as that woman they remember. You've grown, we've all grown, we aren't the same people, so be kind to yourself.
Keep posting, and we will support the YOU we know, and who is trying so hard.
Also, fallsfall is right about the ice cream. It really does help sometimes.
best,
antigua
Posted by verne on January 15, 2006, at 15:01:23
In reply to A slip, posted by ClearSkies on January 12, 2006, at 7:43:47
Hope you're doing better. I've been slipping and sliding since Christmas but hope I'm back on the right path.
I remember in AA someone said, "Don't get greedy" and it's starting to make sense to me. Every time I start to get back on my feet, I become increasingly dissatisfied with little things in my life and less thankful for what's going right. It's imperative I rearrange the furniture for example. Finally I'm so overwhelmed I end up drinking. The once-important furniture doesn't cast so large a shadow the next day - that is if I didn't pawn it.
Wildcard sent me something about alcohol which I printed and put on the fridge. Here it is:
"Alcohol is a product of amazing versatility.
It will remove stains from designer clothing,
It will also remove the clothing off your back.
If it is used in sufficient quantity,
Alcohol will remove furniture from the home,
Rugs from the floor, food from the table,
Lining from the stomach, vision from the eyes
And judgement from the mind.
Alcohol will remove good reputations, good jobs, good friends,
And happiness from children's hearts.
Sanity, freedom, spouses, relationships,
Mans ability to adjust and live with his fellow man,
And even life itself.
As a remover of things, alcohol has no equal."thanks again to Wildcard for that quote
Posted by ClearSkies on January 20, 2006, at 5:30:25
In reply to Re: A slip » ClearSkies, posted by verne on January 15, 2006, at 15:01:23
Hey, Verne. Sorry you're blocked, friend. I was lucky and just had the one day, and 5 following of guilt and low self esteem. Probably would have had those anyway.
Better now, anyway.
CS
Posted by annierose on January 21, 2006, at 22:27:28
In reply to Re: A slip » verne, posted by ClearSkies on January 20, 2006, at 5:30:25
Clearskies -
I'm sorry you had a slip and the Toronto trip makes you anxious. It makes me anxious too. I'm still considering going, just not attending the conference ... i.e. I can't commit to attending the conference right now.
But being with my babble friends I met last summer is something I found supportive. And I'm even promising to stick around a little longer this time.
Don't make this decision now. Can you say to yourself, I don't have to decide this today, tomorrow or next week. I don't even have to think about it until ... May? I hope, most of all, you do what feels best for you. Even if that means I don't get to share more stories with you. Which by the way, I never updated you on my TOOTH from (well, you know). And the darn root canel, I got to have another lovely procedure ... involving surgery above the tooth line to sever most nerves ... lots of pain, lots of painkillers, and still ... only 60% relief.
Keep safe.
This is the end of the thread.
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