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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua on February 3, 2006, at 8:58:03
Has anyone else had a problem with trying to stay sober and living with someone who drinks? My husband drinks fairly regulary, and hides it from me (or at least thinks he does) and it makes it very difficult for me to be around him. We've talked about it a lot, but he's not quitting for me. I know he misses his drinking buddy and sometimes will actually sabotage me. I know I just have to be stronger, but it's affecting our relationship as far as I am concerned.
Any ideas?
antigua
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 3, 2006, at 10:57:32
In reply to Dealing with husband's drinking, posted by antigua on February 3, 2006, at 8:58:03
Hi Antigua,
I got sober almost 5 months aga. I live with 3 active alcoholics. It's tough.
I'll come into the house and one of my roommates will be drinking and smoking pot, and she'll say "come on.... have some" and "you're such a fun drunk, why can't you have just a little". I just pray that she won't catch me at an especially weak moment.
Another roommate is this 65 year old man. He looks about 90. He is a bar tender and most of his life is spent on one side of the bar or the other. Alcohol is his life.
I'm on disability now, so moving isn't the easiest thing to do, but I've given myself until June to get out of that house.
I have to get out of there. I can't afford to put my sobriety at risk because to do so is literally to put my life at risk. had tried a number of times to get sober, but the final straw was when I woke up in the intensive care ward. I don't think that I can go much farther down and survive.
Living where people drink is one thing. Living with alcoholics is another, but living with alcoholics who want and pressure you to drink is still another.
You have to do what keeps you safe. Some people are able to deal with their partner's drinking without going back out. If you can do that, I applaud you. I don't think that you can change your husband's drinking though. Only he can do that. He probably won't though, until he determines that drinking is causing him too many problems.
I don't really know what to say. I was divorced before I quit. I just know how hard it is living with someone who's active. Everything from finding their bottles and being tempted to drink, to seeing them stumble in the house and hearing "Hi honey, I love you" and smelling the booze on them as they hug you. it's really tough.
I'll pray for you.
--Dee
Posted by vainamoinen on February 3, 2006, at 13:35:58
In reply to Dealing with husband's drinking, posted by antigua on February 3, 2006, at 8:58:03
Al-Anon for your codependency and AA for maintaining your own sobriety.
As the saying goes "You hang out in a barbershop long enough you're going to get a haircut."
Posted by Colleen D. on February 5, 2006, at 19:03:07
In reply to Dealing with husband's drinking, posted by antigua on February 3, 2006, at 8:58:03
> Has anyone else had a problem with trying to stay sober and living with someone who drinks? My husband drinks fairly regulary, and hides it from me (or at least thinks he does) and it makes it very difficult for me to be around him.
That's just how I felt about my husband - it was very difficult to be around him and his alcoholic behavior. He seemed always irritable and angry with everyone.
At one time I think I was drinking too much, but that was about 10 years ago before I began treatment for depression, anxciety and OCD. Having children also changed my desire to drink. I just couldn't be the parent I wanted to be while drinking every day. And my husband made some really bad decisions regarding the children while he was drunk.
We have been separated now since July 2005. On Feb. 3, it was 6 months since I filed for divorce, so it will be final soon. And best of all, the children are blossoming in our new non-alcoholic environment. I have a drink on occasion, and I now feel comfortable with that since I'm not anxious about hiding my drinking as to avoid encouraging my husband to drink.
So...I don't really have any good advice for you but I can appreciate and understand what you are going through and my heart goes out to you.
Colleen
Posted by Bobby on February 6, 2006, at 21:56:36
In reply to Dealing with husband's drinking, posted by antigua on February 3, 2006, at 8:58:03
but there was a guy in Georgia who says that his wife doesn't like him when he's drinking and he doesn't like her when he's not. hopefully you can get to the root of the problem and come to some satisfactory conclusion. Walk good.
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