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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by stacia on November 11, 2003, at 23:08:25
Ok - A little history: diagnosed at different times with different forms of Bipolar Disorder, Generalized form of Social Phobia, anxiety related delayed onset type insomnia, ADHD, recovered from anorexia (purging type), and a former self-mutilator
Current meds: Gabapentin 1200mgs, Adderall 30mgs, Seroquel 50-100mgs
(previously paxil, prozac, celexa, zoloft, sonata, ambien)My problem is that I can pretend (at least for limited time periods) to be happy and normal, but I'm not. I cannot express sadness or anxiety etc. I mean I don't show it to anyone. Instead I pretend all day and then lose it at night once I'm alone. I know something needs to be changed in my meds, but I can't even let my guard down for my DR. I go in there, and I act like a normal person but tell him I'm depressed or anxious etc - but because I don't seem it, I feel like I couldn't possibly be taken seriously. Sometimes I want to be IP more than anything else. I just don't know anymore, if I can prentend to be ok, can I really be all that depressed?
At any rate, I was wondering if anyone knew of any meds that helped them w/ depression and anxiety other than the mainstreams. (I'm excited that they finally submitted the NDA for Pregablin) I cannot take SSRIs and could not deal with the weight gain from the first line mood stabilizers(lithium Depakote) Considering my issues with weight, weight gain is not a minor side-effect for me. Sorry I've been going on for so long. I just don't know what to do, hell...I'm not even sure how I feel or what I think. Thanks.
Stacia
Posted by Stavros on November 11, 2003, at 23:17:32
In reply to Pretending to be stable, posted by stacia on November 11, 2003, at 23:08:25
> Ok - A little history: diagnosed at different times with different forms of Bipolar Disorder, Generalized form of Social Phobia, anxiety related delayed onset type insomnia, ADHD, recovered from anorexia (purging type), and a former self-mutilator
> Current meds: Gabapentin 1200mgs, Adderall 30mgs, Seroquel 50-100mgs
> (previously paxil, prozac, celexa, zoloft, sonata, ambien)
>
> My problem is that I can pretend (at least for limited time periods) to be happy and normal, but I'm not. I cannot express sadness or anxiety etc. I mean I don't show it to anyone. Instead I pretend all day and then lose it at night once I'm alone. I know something needs to be changed in my meds, but I can't even let my guard down for my DR. I go in there, and I act like a normal person but tell him I'm depressed or anxious etc - but because I don't seem it, I feel like I couldn't possibly be taken seriously. Sometimes I want to be IP more than anything else. I just don't know anymore, if I can prentend to be ok, can I really be all that depressed?
>
> At any rate, I was wondering if anyone knew of any meds that helped them w/ depression and anxiety other than the mainstreams. (I'm excited that they finally submitted the NDA for Pregablin) I cannot take SSRIs and could not deal with the weight gain from the first line mood stabilizers(lithium Depakote) Considering my issues with weight, weight gain is not a minor side-effect for me. Sorry I've been going on for so long. I just don't know what to do, hell...I'm not even sure how I feel or what I think. Thanks.
>
> StaciaStacia, sorry to hear of your pain that sound terrible! I fake it all the time. Fake it till ya make it just is so exhausting. i am thinking of you
Posted by stacia on November 11, 2003, at 23:22:02
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stable, posted by Stavros on November 11, 2003, at 23:17:32
Stavros - I truly thank you. Knowing someone out there can understand really helps. Good luck to you.
S
Posted by Meehee on November 12, 2003, at 16:15:16
In reply to Pretending to be stable, posted by stacia on November 11, 2003, at 23:08:25
Hi, I think alot of people pretend to be perfectly ok. I know I do, nobody would ever have a clue that I had a problem. Where I used to work it was really stressfull and I would get compliments from other employees how I would always stay calm and keep my cool under pressure. And I would smile and be like you think so and just shake me head like yeah right. They had no clue what was really going on in my head. Ive had panic and depression for ten years now and Im finally getting real help. When I told my pdoc he seemed to understand about the covering up your problems. I always had this issue with appearing "stable" and this fear came from the fact my brother developed schizophrenia as a teen and I thought I was next I spent my twenties just lying in wait for the hallucinations to begin, they never did. Not that my brothers problems caused my depression I think its a mix of my past, my brains chemicals, and my beliefs about myself. My pdoc put me on Lexapro, I understand you cannot take a SSRI. I hope you find some way of helping yourself. Good luck your not alone. Best wishes!
> Ok - A little history: diagnosed at different times with different forms of Bipolar Disorder, Generalized form of Social Phobia, anxiety related delayed onset type insomnia, ADHD, recovered from anorexia (purging type), and a former self-mutilator
> Current meds: Gabapentin 1200mgs, Adderall 30mgs, Seroquel 50-100mgs
> (previously paxil, prozac, celexa, zoloft, sonata, ambien)
>
> My problem is that I can pretend (at least for limited time periods) to be happy and normal, but I'm not. I cannot express sadness or anxiety etc. I mean I don't show it to anyone. Instead I pretend all day and then lose it at night once I'm alone. I know something needs to be changed in my meds, but I can't even let my guard down for my DR. I go in there, and I act like a normal person but tell him I'm depressed or anxious etc - but because I don't seem it, I feel like I couldn't possibly be taken seriously. Sometimes I want to be IP more than anything else. I just don't know anymore, if I can prentend to be ok, can I really be all that depressed?
>
> At any rate, I was wondering if anyone knew of any meds that helped them w/ depression and anxiety other than the mainstreams. (I'm excited that they finally submitted the NDA for Pregablin) I cannot take SSRIs and could not deal with the weight gain from the first line mood stabilizers(lithium Depakote) Considering my issues with weight, weight gain is not a minor side-effect for me. Sorry I've been going on for so long. I just don't know what to do, hell...I'm not even sure how I feel or what I think. Thanks.
>
> Stacia
Posted by bookgurl99 on November 13, 2003, at 7:31:10
In reply to Pretending to be stable, posted by stacia on November 11, 2003, at 23:08:25
stacia --
hey. i've done the pretending to be happy thing too. i think it's because we have a certain sense of pride about how we handle our trials -- we want to be a good patient and show that we're not like the _real_ troubled folks out there.
i would suggest actually printing out your note and showing it to whoever you see about your meds and feelings (therapist, psychiatrist, regular dr., whoever). that way it is all written down, even if it is too hard to acknowledge how you feel in words.
Posted by octiigon on November 13, 2003, at 14:34:34
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stable, posted by bookgurl99 on November 13, 2003, at 7:31:10
Stacia.... I personally think that the complete breakdown at night is due to the fact that we bottle up all those "bad" emotions. To the point of losing it after everyone else goes away. I definitely feel for you.... I used to self mutilate too, and I know what it feels like to go through those stages.
I also think that pretending could be a stage of your depression, I eventually hit the point where I didn't care what everyone else thought and acted like my self completely- depressed, panic stricken & all.
When I finally stopped pretending I really found out who cared and who didn't though- even people I didn't know.
Stay strong.
This is the end of the thread.
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