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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 14:59:36
I went out /again/ last night, drank too much, and did about a gram of cocaine. I woke up this morning horrified -- right back to where you started, huh, amd? I feel so guilty, so irresponsible. I slept most of the day, and I still feel jittery.
Have I just upset my chemical balance -- and am going to be depressed for a long time again? Is the cocaine going to interfere permanently with my current drug regimen? (Lamictal and Celexa.) If not, how long before I feel normal again? (It's only been 14 hours since my last bump of coke, I suppose.)
Does cocaine cause brain damage in the way methamphetamines do?
Am I freaking out over one episode that, if I get myself help, it nothing to be overly worked up about?
Basically I just scared the hell out of myself. Two years. Two years I've taken to get back to this point, and what have I just done, thrown it all away?
Will my brain settle down again? Can I expect the Lamcital/Celexa combo to return to its regular efficacy in a resonable amount of time?
Thanks,
amd
Posted by just so sad on February 28, 2005, at 15:04:17
In reply to Help! Various questions..., posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 14:59:36
I can't answer your questions about cocaine - but one thing I can offer is support - don't beat yourself up - one mistake after two years is amazing - many of us screw up on a daily or weekly basis. Have you checked with your doctor regarding medical complications? I hope you are going to be okay. It is so hard sometimes to cope, isn't it?
Sad
Posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 15:25:56
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions... » AMD, posted by just so sad on February 28, 2005, at 15:04:17
I just feel incredibly guilty -- I can't concentrate today, and my mind is somewhat racing. I feel "dirty" from having taken the drug, and I feel like a major failure for having effectively reversed back to two years ago. I just hope this is indeed a minor slip-up and that I'll feel level-headed again soon. Right now I have depression: don't want to get out of bed; don't have the motivation to go to the gym; can't read or concentrate; just feel sad. I don't know if it's the cocaine or the alcohol -- but both are out of my system by now and I still feel horrid. Perhaps I just need time for my drugs to kick back in. I just hope they work again ...
Thanks for your posting.
amd
Posted by Spriggy on February 28, 2005, at 16:10:08
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 15:25:56
Don't worry, (easy for me to say, huh?), You have NOT done permenant damage to your brain chemistry.
It will likely take you a few days ( i think cocaine is in the system for 2-3 days) before you feel back to yourself.
Try to forgive yourself.. ask God to forgive you, KNOw that you are human and will make mistakes. Allow yourself to realize this is a human error that can be forgiven and you get to START ALL OVER again. Fresh and anew.
Try to realize how VERY far you've come ( two years really is an amazing task!) and remember that this does not mean you are defeated, it just means you fell down and have to pick yourself back up.
Now... stay far, far away from that stuff, allow your brain chemistry to heal itself, rest, forgive yourself, and realize in a few days, you'll be back to new.
(((HUGS)))
Posted by med_empowered on February 28, 2005, at 16:45:47
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Spriggy on February 28, 2005, at 16:10:08
hey! Don't beat yourself up so much! Though I certainly think its a good idea not to do coke heavily and/or often, the whole "permanent brain damage" thing has been seriously overblown. True, drugs generally aren't GREAT for the brain, but the brain has an amazing capacity to handle whatever is thrown its way. So...relax, if you can...it really will be OK. The real challenge will just be the next couple of days: whenever heavy amounts of a stimulant (cocaine, Adderall, whatever) are used, the days following the drug use can be kinda rough. Your brain is just getting back into balance, that's all. Your meds should work just as well in time, so please just try to hang in there.
Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2005, at 17:39:38
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by med_empowered on February 28, 2005, at 16:45:47
A common side effect after using cocaine is to become depressed. My son used it when he was young, and I remember him just sleeping. Fondly Phillipa
Posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 21:40:36
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Spriggy on February 28, 2005, at 16:10:08
Thanks Spriggy! I'm hoping in a few days I'll be feeling better. It's just that scary depression feeling, you know? You don't want to get out of bed. Every task seems unbearable. You feel like a huge failure, mainly because of the "huge" consequences of what you've done.
I guess you're right -- I should look at this as a minor slip-up after two years, and keep my mind on getting and /staying/ clean. I'm going to start up with AA for some support and go from there.
a
Posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 21:44:21
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions... » AMD, posted by just so sad on February 28, 2005, at 15:04:17
By the way -- might this also be the alcohol? Will I recover from the alcohol as well? I didn't black out, but I was a bit out of it by the end of the night (likely owing to mixing the alcohol and cocaine).
I got some Geodon today which I hope takes the edge off my anxiety at least until I am feeling better again.
Sometimes you have to step back and think: you know, the fact you feel this way is NOT normal. The fact you can't drink, that you have these extreme reactions to substances -- it's a disease. It takes work to recover and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself.
amd
Posted by banga on February 28, 2005, at 22:05:53
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 21:44:21
The main thing is--try not to go it alone, go for the AA....people can have different views on their overall philosophy, but there is nothing like being with people who truly understand to help with the guilt and heaviness...
Posted by Optimist on March 1, 2005, at 8:21:59
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions... » AMD, posted by banga on February 28, 2005, at 22:05:53
I just recently saw a tv commercial for quitting smoking sponsored by Health Canada. It had a good message for anyone getting off drugs. People will have moments of weakness from time to time or as they called it in the commercial a "blip", and the important thing is not to beat yourself up about it. As time progresses, the blips get further and further apart as the behaviour diminishes... Remember, 2 years is a huge amount of time. You're not that younger person anymore.
Some of your depression may also be guilt related. Focusing on your progress, will make things much easier than on your "blip". :)
It may also be important to make sure you don't come in to contact with any destructive friends, and as you mentioned before attend some AA meetings, perhaps also some NA meetings as well in your area if you can. Once you get your confidence back, things will be much easier.
Stay strong,
Brian
Posted by AMD on March 1, 2005, at 16:09:21
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Optimist on March 1, 2005, at 8:21:59
Day 3: still feeling depressed, jittery (perhaps a bit from the 40 mg of Geodon I took last night?) and having a hard time concentrating. Seems to be fluctuating up and down ... one second I feel ok, the next depressed. My brain is all over the place. Maybe I'm having a mixed episode.
Now I'm worried that I may have dehydrated myself to the point of brain damage that night, or that I did something by taking the drug. Or perhaps I'm being paranoid. But I definitely feel like I'm going nuts. ... Is this possible? Can one time abuse of cocaine cause permanent neurological sequelae?
The jitters, etc., are making me nervous -- I don't want to be like this forever! I don't feel like I'd even be able to relax with a book... I can sleep for hours and wake up feeling horrible and more depressed. Help!
Perhaps I need a new drug -- the ones I'm not were working, but I'm still getting into trouble. And now I'm going to start freaking out about my cognition again, feeling as if I can't learn, can't articulate myself, can't spell. Is this the alcohol too, perhaps?
How long until this stuff is out of my system!?
amd
Posted by Phillipa on March 1, 2005, at 16:14:57
In reply to Help! Various questions..., posted by AMD on February 28, 2005, at 14:59:36
From what my husband says it takes 72hrs for cocaine to leave your system. I believe it's the same for alchol too. Hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow. I hope you do! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Spriggy on March 1, 2005, at 17:40:48
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Phillipa on March 1, 2005, at 16:14:57
I would try Benadryl AMD!!!
See if that calms you down and helps with this reaction.
Posted by AMD on March 1, 2005, at 21:50:50
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Spriggy on March 1, 2005, at 17:40:48
Seriously? Are there any studies done on this?
amd
Posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 1:07:46
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Optimist on March 1, 2005, at 8:21:59
Hey,
After your great words of support a couple weeks ago, I went and failed again. I feel like I've let you, and everyone else, down. Suddenly I'm back to where I was -- depressed, worried, guilty, sad. Mainly I'm worried because the stuff I took was /really/ strong, and although I don't think I OD'd, now I'm reading these scary articles about brain hemorrhaging, permanent brain damage, etc. -- and I'm freaking out. To top it off I can't concentrate without feeling depressed and sad which reenforces my fears.
I am soooo mad at myself about this. It's like I'm putting a gun to my head, firing, and, having lived, doing it again.
I don't want to live the rest of my life as a vegetable. How will I know I'm ok? Did I do physical or mental harm? How would I know? Ugh -- I'm freaking out! :-( :-( Should I go to the hospital? Or is this just the depression talking? I don't feel sick, but I'm worried and I have a headache. Of course I haven't had caffeine in a few days -- I've been in bed, missing work, feeling like a junkie and a zero. If I step back I do think, "you've come a long way" -- and then I slip not once, I could forgive myself for once, but twice. Twice in two weeks! I need help!
I'm on Celexa and Lamictal. Perhaps this is not working. Perhaps mania is rearing its ugly head. How else could I "forget" how horrible I feel one day only to go do it again the next.
Now more worries -- Hep B, C (from sharing a key to snort), other diseases. I feel dirty. I hope I come away from this alive.
[I just read the above before posting. I sound completely out of my mind.]
Help me.
amd
Posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 1:43:39
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Spriggy on February 28, 2005, at 16:10:08
Hey,
I meant my latest response to you as well.
amd
Posted by gromit on March 12, 2005, at 1:43:41
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions... » Optimist, posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 1:07:46
> I'm on Celexa and Lamictal. Perhaps this is not working. Perhaps mania is rearing its ugly head. How else could I "forget" how horrible I feel one day only to go do it again the next.
I'm not bipolar but I know these feelings well, it's called addiction. I've managed to quit the drugs I used to take but I still drink. I'll wake up hungover, feeling like ****, swearing I won't ever do it again. That night I'm back at it. Sorry no advice here, just know a lot of people do this so you aren't alone.
Rick
Posted by AMD on March 31, 2005, at 22:26:50
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by gromit on March 12, 2005, at 1:43:41
Third cocaine binge this weekend. It's so lovely, isn't it, sitting around with "friends," snorting your life away? I'm on day four post the binge, and still feeling radioactive. And I'm worried that this time I truly overdid it, as I read about how how cocaine can cause permanent, lifelong brain damage in one night. I'm trying to concentrate, to test myself. I can read lucidly (even more quickly than usual), but I feel like I'm just skimming the words; I'm not really absorbing them for analysis. And, based on a self-assessment, I think I'm in the midst of a mixed episode. I just want to type, type, type away, rattling off thoughts and emotions at an incredible pace. Work recall is off -- I felt better able to express my feelings and thoughts a few weeks ago after the second binge than I do right now. It's damn frustrating.
I feel like I've done it this time, I've caused permanent neurological sequelae. Ugh! I just want to be clear-headed again.
My psychiatrist prescribed Seroquel today; I hope it's enough to straighten out my thoughts. But I'm so tempted to have a drink tonight instead ...
amd
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 2, 2005, at 8:36:23
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by AMD on March 31, 2005, at 22:26:50
> Third cocaine binge this weekend. It's so lovely, isn't it, sitting around with "friends," snorting your life away?
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect follow-ups regarding cocaine to Psycho-Babble Substance Use. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050323/msgs/478832.html
Thanks,
Bob
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