Posted by noa on January 1, 2000, at 9:45:02
In reply to Re: Pursuing "Life" while still recovering , posted by Cn. Michele on December 31, 1999, at 23:37:54
This topic stirs up so much emotion for me. Yes, I have managed to maintain a professional job, but I think it is because I have channelled every ounce of energy I have into my job, and have neglected my personal life so profoundly. Even so, these last few bouts of depression have indeed had an impact on my professional life. At the moment, I am so very fortunate to have a supervisor and co-workers who have been extremely supportive and have given me tons of leeway to get through the past month or so with minimal productivity. Even this is not easy to sit with, as I am self conscious about the extra slack I have been given and am worried about the fact that my work has been so minimal. And there are things I "should" or could be doing to enhance my professional development but have not had the energy.
I guess one of the things I have been working on is to give myself a break and not have such pressured expectations. Not that they are unusually pressured, but they are pressured for ME. I am grieving "what might have been", but given the struggles I have with double depression, I have to go at a more slow, relaxed pace than my peers. It is just a fact of life for me.
As for my personal life, well that has been neglected so profoundly. My apartment is falling apart because of how disgustingly dirty and in disarray it is. I have lost touch over the past few years with close friends. I used to be an excellent correspondent, keeping in touch with friends all over the world. But I let so many friendships wither. I have started to get in contact with a few of them, but it is hard.
So, indeed, you are certainly not alone.
poster:noa
thread:17724
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000101/msgs/17769.html