Posted by Mark H. on March 17, 2000, at 18:33:52
In reply to Re:This Thread is very Disturbing, posted by Kathleen on March 17, 2000, at 16:43:51
> 1-3 people have become triggered.
>
> Anyone else think maybe self-injury should not be discussed because of this?Dear Kathleen, I see your point, but I wonder if talking about it is triggering *because* the subject is taboo and under-discussed? In therapy I choose to ask for lots and lots of details from my fellow therapands, because it tends to normalize the experience and take the charge off of it. Some people don't like my inquisitiveness, but most perceive it as nurturing. I think, perhaps, that most people need to tell their story over and over and over again in order to put some air and light around it. Otherwise, the old wounds tend to fester in the dark of secrecy and shame, behind sterile labels.
I worked with a woman for several years who said she had been raped. When I finally asked for details, she said an old man on the street in a large city grabbed her arm and hit her on top of the head with his fist, because she didn't make eye contact with him as she walked by. Apparently, her militant sister decided that constituted "rape," and convinced my friend that that was the correct label to apply to the experience. There was no sexual contact attempted and the whole matter lasted a few seconds.
My wife was raped at 13, walking home alone from a pizza parlor at midnight in Fresno. Two men in their early 20s grabbed her and shoved her into the bushes next to the sidewalk, and one held the blade of a hunting knife in her mouth while the other had intercourse with her. It was her first sexual experience. She felt she couldn't tell her parents. She became pregnant from the incident. Abortions at the time were illegal and were provided by the same people who sold heroin. My wife had an abortion and started a heroin habit at 13. Her first consensual lover was a merchant marine 10 years her senior who told her during sex that it was OK for her to move. She thought he was very kind indeed.
Both women can say, "I was raped" and most people will politely leave it at that, imagining whatever they think the label means. I think it helps to discuss the gory details so that each can take back her power and not feel triggered by mere mention of someone else's experience. Obviously, one approach does not work for everyone, and sometimes indirection is more effective.
I am more concerned about the potential of this list promoting secrecy and taboos than I am about the possibility of someone being triggered by stories of self-injury, but that's just my opinion, and perhaps I'm wrong. I believe in the healing power of openness and communication, and the compassion and understanding they can invoke from others. We assume self-injury, by definition, is "bad." Why is that? What part is cultural? Where do we draw the line? How will we ever know without the details?
Thank you for your consideration.
poster:Mark H.
thread:26764
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/27378.html