Posted by bob on March 17, 2000, at 19:24:01
In reply to Re: self-injury - bob, posted by Elizabeth on March 17, 2000, at 3:24:55
> I take that as a "yes." :-) Can you tell me more about your dissociative experiences?
>... I mean, which sort(s) of dissociation can lead to self-destructiveness?For me, you're putting the cart before the horse. It's a rather vicious circle, but it begins with the self-injury. To mix metaphors even further, any prelude to my self-injurious behavior is like a baited hook, and without the right meds (or so it seems) I just can't resist a nibble....
The dissociation, for me, comes in an almost Cartesian mind-body split -- if my consciousness could somehow step out of and behind my body and get some sense of "physically" compelling me to continue, it would be all the more rewarding. I guess that's some response to the part of mind that's trying to say "HEY BOB!! This is STUPID! Stop hurting yourself!!" ... if I could separate my mind from my body, it could almost seem like I was doing it to someone else ... or, perhaps [just try to make sense of THIS], I was me and the someone else at the same time, feeling the pain AND dishing it out with a sense of disconnectedness between the two that might shut up that voice trying to tell me I wasn't doing myself any good.
Then again, the part of me that wants to inflict that pain is rather vicious, cruel, and unforgiving. From all the reports I get from my friends, that's just the opposite of how I am to others. Perhaps I just can't integrate the two me's. The "good" part of me just can't accept that sort of behavior in anyone, particularly me.
Hope that makes some sense,
bob
poster:bob
thread:26764
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/27386.html