Posted by Noa on May 16, 2000, at 15:19:25
In reply to Re: I beg to differ ...To Cindy W, posted by Sara T on May 16, 2000, at 14:02:20
Sara,
The thing about having feelings for a therapist is that it is not entirely attributable to transference. There really are two real people interacting. The way you described working with your son's doc to develop behavior strategies really did sound like you were affected by having a moment with a caring man who was working with you in a supportive way and that is a kind of intimacy. It is partly feelings about a real moment, and partly feelings about the relationship needs you bring to the situation (ie transference). What is hard is that you do have to live with the limitations that your feelings cannot be acted upon. But that doesn't mean your feelings themselves were inappropriate in any way or that having such feelings is an indication of something wrong with you.
As for having feelings for someone you don't "know" much about...you do know something about a therapist. Maybe not the way you would with a social friend. But you come to know a real person who regularly responds to you using his or her real personality, even if not showing you all aspects of that personality. And the positive, supportive way of relating to you is not a manipulation. It is real. Ok, it isn't exclusive, as many of us might wish for sometimes, but that doesn't mean it isn't genuine. It is just limited.
I know it is hard to bring such feelings up to a doc, but if you can get to a point where you can muster up the courage, it might help to process them with him, not to go into depth about the meaning of the feelings for you, because he is not your therapist, but to work with him to strategize about how to be conscious of boundaries in a way that doesn't make you feel so uncomfortable, either because too much closeness feels too provocative, or because withdrawing and being distant makes you feel bad about yourself. Perhaps your therapist can talk to your son's doc for you?
poster:Noa
thread:33299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33651.html