Posted by Rick E. on July 6, 2000, at 6:58:23
In reply to Re: to Rick from kerry B, posted by kerry B on July 6, 2000, at 5:04:18
> > Hi there Rick,
> > How are you going? Really well I hope!!!! I am amazed at all the things you've been through and survived, it's a heck of a lot!!!!
> > You must miss your kids terribly!! I went through that with my divorce. My ex wouldn't let me have access, oh, he did at first but then cut it completely off and I was devastated so I know what you are going through - I feel helpless for you as I wish there was something I could do!!!
> > I looked into custody rights. They actually told me that if I was stable on medication and was functioning ok and had a good doctors report, there is no way that the ex spouse can stop you from having access to your kids. That's over here, maybe it is different where you are but it's worth a go. YOU HAVE come along way so they can't hold that against you because you seem to be responsible and reliable, I can tell by the way you express yourself when you write so, don't let her or her tough cop friend sway you in any way!! You will win!!!!
> > She sounds like a really hard woman. Doesn't she have any compassion for, you after all, you were married and you had kids together!!!!!! She sounds quite selfish in her attitude toward you.
> > Sorry, but I just get upset when women (myself being a woman) can treat the father of their children like that!!! I couldn't do it!!!!!
> > Maybe I'm a softy? No I don't think so.
> > I can understand you not wanting her to know how hurt you are, but maybe it just might help. She might just find it in her heart to let you see the kids and stop with all this bitter attitude stuff she's doing, what do you think? She doesn't have to know you were not well again or anything like that, just how you are longing to see your own flesh and blood, the kids that will carry on your name!!!!!
> > Anyway, how is your new place? Hope you're settling in ok. New place. new break, sounds like a good idea to me!!!!!
> > Well, have to go as dinner has arrived. Not cooking tonight, ordered takeaway-pizza of course!!!! Sorry I have to go, could have written heaps more but I will next time. Take it easy and I'm so glad you are feeling better!!!!!!!!!!!!
> > Keep it up!!!!!!!! Bye for now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >
> > Kerry (excuse any spelling mistakes!!!)
>
> Back again, I had my pizza, bad of me as this zyprexa puts weight on so I should be watching what I eat!!! What the heck!!!!!
> As you said, writing is easier than verbal conversation because you can amend it whereas verbally, if you say the wrong thing, it's too late. Boy, have I said some things that I regret saying when I'm in one of my moods, all I can do is hope the person didn't take it to heart because it can be really hurtful and sometimes I have no control. If something or someone upsets me!!!! Whoa!!! they cop it if their timing is wrong but now hopefully, these meds will put me and my tongue straight!!!!!! I love to write though because it is a better release for me. I can really put my imagination into it to describe how I'm feeling. Do you find that?
> I don't like to ask but have you been diagnosed as schizoaffective also? You said the past few years have been turmoil, is that because of the illness? I discovered mine in 1995 so the last five years of my life have been like bunji jumping.
> One minute your up the next down then sometimes you're stuck in the middle not knowing which direction you're going!!!!
> Please try to focus on the positive things O.K?
> Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and then bang! you reach the shore and I know you will because in earlier posts to me, you were so positive. I know things can really get us down and especially in your case, you have reason to feel down but stay positive because you will win!!!!!!!!!! I know it!!!!!!!! I know what it's like to love your kids to death and you'd do anything for them but maybe your ex will wear down who knows? Nobody knows what's going to happen tomorrow. Anyway, if worse come to worse, your kids will always know that you are there and when they are old enough, they will be more than happy to come to you. That's what happenend in my case. They found me and just recently, my second eldest came to live with us for 7 months and I saw the older one more than I have ever seen him before. So it all works out!!!! Don't get stressed about it, I know that's easy to say, but just show her that you are O.K and you want no trouble, that you're not interested in her and her life, just the kids!!!
> O.K I've said enough now, probably too much sorry!!!!!
> O.K this time I'm going. you take care because you are important to a lot of people o.k
> Bye for now,
>
> kerry again!!!!!!Hi Kerry again,
Just wanted to let you know that it's really helpful to hear that your kids wanted to see you after all that turmoil. My kids are very young still, 3 and 4 years old, and according to the state psychologist, they "have no reaction" to pictures of me, which translated, means they have no idea who I am anymore. That's because their mother, who has no heart, has completely removed me from their lives.
I also have an 8 year old daughter who I see every weekend, her mother is from a different relationship that I had when I was young. She and I (her mother) have a very good relationship, or, more of an understanding, that the kid comes first, no matter what we might be feeling towards one another. I am not the horrible person that my ex-wife wants, and seems to be able, to make the courts believe. I have recently made some headway with the courts though, the judge I went in front of a couple of weeks ago is very upset with the entire situation and he says he is going to do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of this case. Maybe that will mean that her evil ways will be exposed. I sure hope so, I have spent the last 2 years not only feeling like a failure because my marriage didn't work out, but also, adding insult to injury, feeling like a criminal because of all of this court BS.
It's been hard for me to find direction in all of this. I know I am a good person, capable of many things, very talented etc. I found a wonderful person, that I am now living with, and she treats me so well, she really has been my best friend through all of this...and I am hoping this work out there too. I just pray every day that God will help me move in the direction that he wants me to go...as I don't seem to know what that is. I just ask for Him to show me...and I will follow...and that really helps to keep me focused on what he wants for my life.
I was originally diagnosed as having situational anxiety and depression, although, in retrospect, my life has pretty much always followed the same thought patterns, just different (and unfortunate) situations have been occuring non-stop for quite some time now. I have tried, through it all, to remain positive and not let the negative things get to me, but I guess, somewhere underneath it all, they did. I know I can't be happy right now without my meds, and I am coming to some sort of understanding with myself that I may need them for quite a long time, and I guess that's ok, as long as I can function and be who I need to be.
It's been a long journey the last two years, but I really think that things are headed in the right direction, and I hope that all this pain and suffering was not in vain. I can't wait to see my boys, I know it's going to change my life dramatically to have them be a part of my life.
Well, enough of this novel, sorry it's so long!
Rick E.
poster:Rick E.
thread:38609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39535.html