Posted by shellie on July 15, 2000, at 11:20:05
In reply to transference or...?, posted by julesvox on July 14, 2000, at 18:24:50
Jules, I always have transference for every therapist I go to. Mostly they have been all women, so I know it hasn't been about sexuality for me. And it didn't feel much different with my one male therapist.
I have seen that over the years when I change therapists, I also transfer the transference, so it is very clear to be that it is not about the particular person, but about having someone care about me, listen to me (afterall, we get total attention during our sessions). It has also caused me some pain, because sometimes the night after I have therapy, I really miss my therapist to the point where it hurts.
And I have discussed it with my therapist, because I feel shame about it. She tells me that although a lot of me is grown up now, there are still parts of me that have not, and those are the parts that ache. I was not a nutured child. So I work some on grieving for what I did not get, although the grieving is not natural for me. And hopefully when the grieving is done, the transference will lose a lot of its intensity. I already feel some difference.
Anyway, this is for your first therapist, so it's harder to tell what's going on. But you do need to remember that therapy is one-sided in the sense of whose emotional needs are dealt with. Relationships with "real" people, are much different--they need to strive for balance, so my opinion is that it would be a very difficult if not impossible transition, even if your therapist cares a lot for you. And I agree that you need a true symbolic ending. I am still in touch with my last therapist, but the intense feelings are no longer there. And we did exchange gifts, and I like having something that she gave me, and I like that she still has a part of me.
best wishes, shellie
poster:shellie
thread:40458
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000708/msgs/40533.html