Posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 21:23:18
In reply to To TINA, posted by Kath on July 17, 2000, at 21:15:23
>Hey Kath: Have a great time at your daughter's place. She's a pretty lucky kid if you ask me. Thanks for the kind words, as usual you have given me something to think about and made me feel better.
Love you too
Tina
Hi Tina - Just wrote a big long reply & couldn't send it for some reason. I'll try again.
> I have found that in inter-personal-relationships there are "dances" that happen. I think in your "dance" with this person, who I will call "X", there is some kind of thing happening that you don't understand.
> The author of the Celestine Prophecy wrote in either that book or the one that followed it, about "control dramas". I haven't read it, but my daughter talks alot about them & finally understood what was happening with her former boyfriend & herself when she learned of the control dramas.
> People can cast themselves in certain roles & get "energy" from being in that role. X might like the pitty or grovelling or shame that you tend to feel when X is in "victim" mode. Alot of people are in "poor me" mode...or "how could you be so......" mode. X might get a feeling of being NEEDED when you apologize, or feel that you really care for them when you apologize. They might need to feel your caring, or affection, or love, & feel it most when you've (so-called) "screwed-up" - take note I said "so-called". It might be good to try & analyze it a bit, or even share an example with someone & see what they see in it (feel free to email me). Maybe X needs to feel self-righteous or that THEY'RE right, or they're more fair, or they've got their head on right. I have a feeling this might have 'way more to do with THEM than with you.
> I've never seen you be anything other than kind, caring, thoughtful, considerate, fun & likeable here on PB. Do go easy on yourself. I think you're accepting alot of blame here & I doubt if it's YOU having a difficult personality.
> Am going to my daughter's in Guelph for a few days. Will check in again on Friday.
>
> Luv' ya' (& that isn't why I said that stuff either.)
>
> Kath
poster:tina
thread:40770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000717/msgs/40807.html