Posted by Rach on July 18, 2000, at 1:23:06
In reply to Re: To TINAto Kath, posted by quilter on July 18, 2000, at 1:04:09
Hi Tina,
Like everyone else, I agree that it is most likely that 'X' has the problem, not you. I'm going to make some total generalisations here, but they are things that I have found to be true when I have experienced situations like the one you have with X. X is a control freak - she (for ease I am just going to say X is female) makes herself feel more adequate as a person by feeding off the attention she gets when she is angry at you and you are asking for her to forgive you. I think if you look closely, the things X is getting upset over are minor things that shouldn't be causing such a huge fuss - but X is nitpicking for more ways to overcome her own fears and to keep identifying herself as being needed. I had a friend (called Deb) like this all through high school, and I kept believing that everything was my fault. Deb once stayed mad at me for months on end because I invited another friend out for my birthday because Deb couldn't come. Eventually I realised that she was getting mad over things that shouldn't even bother a true friend - she should have been happy that I was still going to be able to spend my birthday with a friend!
I have seen a lot of people who believe that the can never do anything right. My boyfriend is one. It is all about perceptions. When he is in a depressed mood (I say mood because he's not clinically depressed - just has down periods like everyone else) he percieves a delighted giggle from me as a laugh at his expense. He takes light hearted banter as nasty gospel. I have to be very careful what I do, because he takes everything to heart and it keeps him upset for days. Tina, I think, as others have said, that for the most part you percieve that you cannot do anything right when you are in a downer. In reality, everyone else percieves you as a kind hearted, loving and enjoyable friend, who does her best and has sucess.
Love you,
RachP.S. Sometimes I wonder if I am saying the right thing. If I ever say anything that hurts you, please let me know. I don't ever want to do that to anyone. Hugs xxx
poster:Rach
thread:40770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000717/msgs/40819.html