Posted by tina on August 1, 2000, at 11:24:42
In reply to Re: What's With This Anyway, Damn! ---TINA, posted by shar on July 31, 2000, at 22:59:35
Thanks for all your kind thoughts guys and gals. It means a lot to have so many people care.
An update: today's worse than yesterday. I did sleep last night but had dreams of being hurt or killed and found them strangely comforting. I was thinking of taking a bike ride into on-coming traffic today. I am oddly not afraid of this, is that a bad sign? I actually look forward to a day that a car swerves out of control and "takes me out" or I forget to look both ways before crossing and get creamed. Maybe even a nasty virus or bacteria will claim me. It really doesn't scare me. I think I''ve lost my fight, I'm too tired. Just when I get a handle on this depression, it comes back with a vengeance. I am so tired that I don't even care anymore. i am no longer going to look forward to the day the depression stops, it's never going to. The light at the end of the tunnel flickers on and off and I just can't look at it anymore, it's hurting my eyes. I'm not going to walk in that tunnel anymore. I'm just going to lie down, close my eyes and sleep. I give up. Too tired to fight anymore.
poster:tina
thread:41870
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41933.html