Posted by ksvt on August 1, 2000, at 19:47:16
I saw a neurologist today. I've been having intermittent and at times very acute episodes of pain to one side of my face since Dec. In search of an explanation, I've been to an internist, an EMT guy, an allergist, been treated with 2 different courses of antibiotics and had 2 different CT scans all to pretty much no avail. The neurologist was the EMT guy's idea, but the neurologist couldn't figure out much either (he thought it was a sinus problem altho that avenue has been explored pretty thoroughly). The upshot was that he decided I should just be treated for facial pain of undetermined origin which, he claimed was not an unusual by product of depression. (news to me) He's prescribed small doses of elavil which, I guess is supposed to increase my pain threshhold. When I realized that he was pretty stumped I found myself pushing the idea myself that it was all stress/depression related, which is sort of my answer to everything. I despise having to relate my medical mental health history, and this time was no exception. I just came away from this appointment unbelievably depressed - that I had to let one other person know about my depression, that this sould bother me at all, that there are so many physical conditions that are too readily passed off as depression related, that I'm going to start taking another med which will do nothing to address a root cause, that all this is happening at a time when I was in the process of switching some meds and has disrupted plans somewhat, that because of this the neurologist had to talk with my pdoc, that both of them were questioned by my pharmacist who was curious about these prescriptions being called in in such a short period of time, and most of all, that I'm dealing with everything so miserably. I'm sure this sounds pretty rambling. The neurologist's office is in a hospital. I could see tons of people all around me dealing with really horrible stuff, so I feel like I have no reason to be depressed - but I get worn down by thinking of myself as a person with a disease (particularly one that shames me so much that I hate talking about it even to doctors) I make myself feel like I'm wearing a scarlett letter or something. This post probably seems pretty incoherent (and feels very inconsequential) but I hoped it would distract me from lying aroung thinking about hurting myself, which is pretty much what I've been doing. It doesn't require a response.
poster:ksvt
thread:41956
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41956.html