Posted by Doo on March 10, 2001, at 18:29:43
Hello everyone. Let me introduce myself...
I'm 26. I have a hard time living. 5 years ago, a mushroom badtrip "toxic psychosis" made all my life (which wasn't quite fun) fall into pieces. I was seeing a psychologist who was totally against medication, and I believed in him. But it was too tough and after a suicidal attempt, I went to see the doc, who prescribed me some Paxil. It helped a bit but I had a hypomanic episode on it so I stopped taking it. Then I tried Serzone, and Effexor. They didn't do anything. Now I'm taking Manerix 300mg plus Neurontin 1200mg. But I'm still having a hard time living, especially when it comes to taking a decision. I try to choose a way, and I start feeling bad about my choice and about myself, autodestructive impulses come from inside and I think about suicide. I remember how my parents were ignoring me, treating me like I was less than nothing. I'm always angry but poeple can't see that, cause I hide it so well. But inside, I feel broken, afraid, and I feel like even if I ask for help nobody could help me.
I think I have BPD. I think about trying Zyprexa (I have the pills, but I'm scared of the dyskinesia). I read about Lamictal for BPD, did anyone try it?
I'm scared cause the ideas I had when I did my psychosis come back to me, and all they say is that suicide is the only way to go. But I don't want to die! I'm scared of the part of me who wants to die. How can I protect myself from myself? I would like to find a medication that will bring me back my feeling of BEING SOMEONE. I'm so tired of fighting to stay alive. I'm okay some days, but the mornings are always hard. I have a hard time finding the motivation, the energy to get up.
Is there any medication that would keep me from hurting myself inside, that would help me feeling I have rights and a dignity?
All coments welcome!
Doo.
poster:Doo
thread:56152
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010310/msgs/56152.html