Posted by Krissy P on March 11, 2003, at 15:00:05
In reply to Re: FEAR-Why, Why, Why???? » KrissyP, posted by Ilene on March 11, 2003, at 12:46:48
Hey, I've been where you're at right now in this post. Hang in there please. I'm sorry I could relate to your post-even though it was a "tale of woe"-sorry:-( Ya know, just yesterday my moms's friend called and I told her I was in school and she reamtrked "STILL?" I was pissed at first, but then said to myself, what a B#$#@!
LOL. I mean, at least I'm continuing and haven't given up. I have learned to not allow people to rent space in my head, and to try not to give your power away to another person, it is easier said than done, I know. What she said was an insult to me, but I got over it.
No, my dad, especially, didn't yell in German-but he used every cuss word out there.
**I also have been there when you say that people tend to ask polite questions about how you're doing or what you do. (What are you going to say?) You know what I say, I say I've worked very hard and I am not giving up, I have goals, and I am doing fine. Of course most of my friends know my situation and meds, etc., but you don't have to tell anyone anything that you feel uncomfortable with, it's none of their business, it has taken me a while to learn this and I still struggle a little. For the feelings of shame, that's what it sounds you feel, try not to feel that way. People haven't walked in your shoes have they?
Please try to remember this. I'm here for you and keep me posted k?
Kristen:-)
==================================================================================================I don't know how to express myself today--I was feeling better last week, but now I've slid back into dazed misery. I'm glad you found some value in my tale of woe, but--I don't want to be myself. I am so guilt-ridden and embarrassed about my entire life! It doesn't make sense, does it? Sweet Reason has no defenses against Mood's invasion.
> I have a graduate degree too. Fat lot of good it's done me. An acquaintances said something about "education for its own sake" regarding my lack of employment. One of the reasons I don't want to communicate with most people I know, or socialize with strangers. It's a real conversation stopper.
>
> About my parents: My mother died about 5 years ago. She lived for only 2 or 3 months after her diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. (I don't think she smoked a cigarette in her life.) My parents sent mixed signals about my visits. "Oh, you've got children to take care of, you need to finish school..."
>
> Even on her deathbed my mother was pleased to know I had gotten A's in my classes. That was almost disconcerting to me.
>
> I'll try to tell you more later.
>
> --I.
poster:Krissy P
thread:203910
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030310/msgs/208126.html