Posted by Susy on July 15, 2003, at 19:51:49
In reply to Re: Anxiety, lack of energy, panic attcks, depr. » Susy, posted by mercedes on July 15, 2003, at 18:31:26
> Susy...you'd better hang in there okay? Don't give up, Susy. I think we all have been or still are..feeling like you. Most people when they are severly depressed, can't do anything. At least you are still reaching out through this site. That means that you want to get help and are not giving up. You have a lot to live for even though it may seem like you don't. There are positive things in your life. Maybe you couldn't go to your mother's funeral. Do you think she is mad at you for that? Her body is in Spain but her spirit is closer to you now, more than ever. I too lost my mother 3 years ago on valentines day. I was in my deepest depression and having so many anxiety attacks that I couln't drive. I still had to work with all this sickness. I cried for her alot. Now I talk to her in my mind. I also go through her cause she is closer to God, and ask for her to ask God to help me get well, and she is. My mother, who is in heaven now, know's all the secrets I kept from her (especially the rape) and I know she understands. For a short time, I was going to rape survivors meetings and I lied to mom and told her I was taking a class. I felt so guilty lying to her. She knows the truth now and is probably saying, pobre mija.
>
> I wish I could kick that neighbor of your's. She cannot have you kicked out you know. If the landlord even wanted you out, you can live there free for three months, did you know that? As for your male freind, his humiliating you is not good for you at all. It only belittles you and makes you more vulnerable to getting depressed and anxious. Tell him you won't take his verbal abuse anymore if he wants to continue seeing you. You need positive in your life now. Not negative stuff. Okay.
> Hugs and prayers,
> Mercedes
> ************************************
> > Sweet Mercedes, reading your post almost brought tears to my eyes. I am so sensitive lately. That I thank God for finding you guys and for understand me. I do try to understand about my mother, it is just now I do have more questions in my mind about death and all those things. I think you did ok by not telling your mother about your rape. She would be suffering for you, I have a daughter so is easy for me to understand that your mother had have feel very sad for you and with impotence of not being able to do anything to the people that made her hijita go through such suffering.
About my neighbor it is a long story, but It hurt me a lot because I was the Manager here and at the beginning she pretended to be my friend and came to my home, once she knew all about us then she went ahead and stabbed me in the back. That never happen to me before. And I swear to God that I didn't make anything bad to her. Then the owner believed all her complaints and now she is the Manager and she yells at my children everytime she wants and that hurt me even more.
I think she doesn't like us because we are a family and she lives alone, but, I offered to her my house, my friends, my familiy and she rejected me. I know she writes me letters and do all this because she wants us to move out, but Thanks God that is not official yet, I haven't received any 3 or 30 days notice.But I lived always affraid that will happen sooner or later.I know what you say thay we can stay here for 3 more months but then I would have an eviction in my credit.
Besides rents are very expensive. And why do we have to move only because she doesn't like us?
We haven't done anything to her. But I live with this fear one day I will receive this 3 or 30 days notice and she will be laughing happy while I will have to see where I can go with my children specially now that I am not working.
About this guy, I gave him a lot of opportunities I allways told him I needed somebody to treat me with love and respect and he did exactly the opposite, to be honest, I don't want to see him anymore. He really makes me feel very confused, he is always looking for something to fight and he is able to be arguing for neverending hours and then blame everything on me and said that I said what he did say, if I continue like this I am going to really get crazy. I feel very sad because I realized love is not the perfect feeling I thought it was. But now, I don't even think about love anymore, all I want is to feel better again, and work, and think about the future, maybe somewhere far from here. But also, I have lost trust in people and that is not me again, I always loved to have lots of friends. But yet, I don't want to suffer more.
I make it long again eh?
If you don't get tired I'll keep on telling you in the next one.Big Hugs for you Mercedes
Susy
poster:Susy
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030714/msgs/242249.html