Posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 11:20:17
Ok, 1st I was diagnosed bi-polar (only hypo manic)..
years later, diagnosed as having "irritable depression". I did some research on my own, and believe myself to be bipolar II.Anyway, symptoms:
Mainly severe depression stuff, loss of interests, extreme apathy, intense anger, hatred of certain people, violent thoughts (some actions - in a car), irritability from hell, foul mood, negative outlook on life (can't stress this one enough), glass 0.000001% full view of things, difficult to be happy about anything.Basically, I cycle from anger->stress->anxiety (at little)->apathy and back to anger again. I lash out, then feel guilty later, then lash out again, drive like a psychotic Mario Andretti, etc.
I've tried WB, Lexa-satan, deepa-coma, and prozac.
The sarcastic comments embedded in the named describes how I feel about them.
WB increases my irritability (at times, but those times are severe - I have thoughts of seriously hurting people I hate (like those I work with) - no worries though, I'll never actually do it...
It didn't seem to help my depression at all.Depakote - put me to sleep.. daytime fatigue was horrible. It did help curb some anger and irritability though.
Prozac - seemed to minimize depression, and unfortunately sex drive, ability to orgasm, etc.
Lexapro - never again. Too many side effects to list, plus it didn't seem to help either.
I'm med free right now, and side-effect free, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, I can barely get myself into work these days. I HATE where I work, or I should say, certain things about it (and life in general, and I generally hate other people).
I like what I do, I think (software engineer), but aside from my buddies at work, there's a few people I'd rather see under a truck. Nothing will change if I switch jobs.. it never does. I grow to hate where-ever I am. Things grow on me like a disease, and start to fester, until I just can't take it anymore... 2 years at the same company is a miracle for me.
If I sound like anyone else here, please let me know, and let me know if you take anything that has helped you cope with life, yourself, others, etc.
Thank you,
Harlock (handle I've been using since 300 baud modem days)
poster:Harlock
thread:276082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031030/msgs/276082.html