Posted by BarbaraCat on December 5, 2003, at 16:05:37
In reply to Re: Lithium and hypothyroid question (at end of po » fluffy, posted by katia on December 4, 2003, at 17:15:15
Hello Girlfriends,
Sorry I haven't been around lately. We got DSL and our Outlook email got screwed. But really, the real reason is that I've been down so very low that this might be the clincher. I don't mean anything might happen to me, but this is about as desparate as I've been without being depressed about it. It sounds weird but true. Oh, fooey, I am depressed about it. Very, very, very, but it's not the hopeless kind. It's the 'for a good reason' kind.My rather irresponsible but kind husband went to a freind's wedding in Calif and I pursuaded him to to please go and leave me alone. My Mom's death anniversary is tomorrow, but mainly I'm being flooded with PTSD like memories and 'being there' experiences of severe abuse by my father. It's so absolutely horrific and wailing and shuddering and I'm here alone eating canned soup that I'm tossing in the trash afterwards and I give a flying f*ck about sorting them out into environmentally proper piles. But you know? It's OK. It feels real, like this is not bio-chemically induced (although I'm sure that the intensity is a result of something not working). I'm mourning and reliving and remembering awful awful experiences that I could only view at a distance before. I'm writing in my journal alot and sleeping when I can. I'm letting this pain well up and inviting in disowned parts of myself that I was ashamed of and hated. Please keep me in your prayers, dear friends. This is hard stuff but like I said, I'm not morbidly depressed and I know I'll survive it. It's been long due and I finally feel I'm strong enough to take how very difficult it's turned out to be. I'm exhausted from it. So if you don't hear from me it's because it's all I can do to stumble over to the computer and get my fingers working. Bless you all. I hope to get back to the Girl's Club real soon. Love, Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:238206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031202/msgs/286896.html