Posted by fluffy on December 20, 2003, at 11:55:07
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by kka on December 19, 2003, at 0:02:09
Hi Katia--
(and karen). I had an instinct to cruise the babble boards this morning. Katia--sorry I didn't reply to you the other day. I was kind of ignoring all of my e-mails. I'm so sorry you had such a hard time with that nasty mixed state. they are the scariest. the only time i've had a full mixed state was on antidepressants. and I'm really surprised i made it through alive. it's like your head can't think about anything but suicide...just whirling around. i seriously wanted to bang my head into a wall. i thrashed things around and yelled at my cats. if there had been a human around, i'm certain i would have hurt them if provoked. i am so glad you made it out ok. but it's hard to reconcile with your head afterwards.
katia--something keeps striking me about your posts. i think you are coming to terms with the difficulties of all this. having drugs not work or make you feel worse is salt in the wounds. but you have to try them first, and not worry about stuff that may or may not happen.
i may have to go on zyprexa or depakote next, and frankly, i'm having to not care about the possibilities of side effects (pcos, thyroid junk, weight gain, rashes). all drugs carry side effects, and it's important to be aware of them. but if you are feeling miserable, then don't put the cart in front of the horse. just concentrate on if the drug is alleviating your symptoms and actually making you feel better in the short run. you can cross that bridge when you come to it if the drugs seem to be causing long term problems. most problems are reversable.
i'm saying this to you b/c i've been taken off of every drug i've tried due to really bad side effects. if i could achieve mood stability through a drug and be a little chubby or have a thyroid problem, at this point, i probably wouldn't care. as long as i felt like my normal self otherwise. i'm off the trileptal b/c my sodium levels were dropping quickly, and it can result in a coma or death!! so needless to say, it's out of the equation. then when we discontinued the trileptal, i got a rash again. my doctors are freaking out, calling me every 3 days to see if my rash is going away. now my lamictal dose has been cut in half, (i'm at 100mg), and it's the only thing i'm taking. it's not enough. I can't sleep a wink. and i have been hypomanic for 5 days now. my art work is soaring...it's taking off! but i'm having a hard time holding on to my thoughts and concentrating on what people are saying to me. admittedly, i've enjoyed the high, but i know it will end. i keep wondering if i should call my doctor to tell him i'm getting manic, or if i should ride out this enjoyable high. but i just want some long run stability. it's hard to worry about side effects. but i just have to jump in b/c i haven't had typical results to typical drugs.
i hope you will give lithium a try without worrying about the thyroid stuff too much. don't shoot yourself in the foot. you've had a really hard time lately, and if the Li works, then you are on your way. would you ever consider the depakote again? didn't it work for you, but you were afraid about the pcos? just curious.
take care. i really hope you are feeling better, and it continues. i wish you the best of luck with this crap. it's very difficult to say the least!
i care about you,
Katy
poster:fluffy
thread:287670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031219/msgs/291891.html