Posted by stavros on December 30, 2003, at 0:07:21
After day 29 workinfg up to Lamictal 100mg/QD(which i have actually taken before, up to 250mg QD) I am feeling intesnsely enraged. It could be due to some relationship hurt but it's more over the loss of my own fun of living. I have a Dx somewhere between BP II, the flavor of the week that GAD presents to ruminations??? I am stark raving mad! It's middle of the night and I am pacing wanting to unload into or onto something! I worked out almost to the point of hurting self/ I am fuming angry over the fact that this "cancer of my mind" is ruining my desire to enjoy life when I have a fantastic life to be lived. I had some Remeron around and took 15 mgs just to stay inside my own skin but otherwise i cannot get away from this consuming global feeling. After blowing right through Ambien and 1 mg of Klonopin, the Remeron is finally kicking in.
One of the differences that I see between myself and others that post is that most of you have relationships or families. Normalcy outstide of the horrid effects that you all suffer from. Dating/ havning my own family seems like an impossibility to me and a huge block to my wellness. I am not lonely because my mind is busy trying to get awy from the circles that t goes in. Does anyone have any new ideas with blocked hidden emotions/past hurts? I couldn't quiet get to the hot places with EMDR ( who knows how the meds efect that) and hypnosis was OK but I was on 40 mg of Remeron so I could fall asleep standing up! Screw this shiz nit!! I waste so much $$ on therapy. I see my F*&^ing therapist once a week and aPdoc every other and while I drain my nest egg I am getting no where!! I wish i could jump off teh building but really don't want to die, just feel like it based on my lack of living! God is the only hope left and after asking for 10 years w/o a bone thrown my way i am in great despair. I don't even have a real issue, my piece of S*&t mind created it, it think? I will now end my vent and squeeze out a few more tears of anger while the Remeron puts me into a nice 10 hr state of unconsciouness! F me!
Stavro
poster:stavros
thread:294544
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031225/msgs/294544.html