Posted by fluffy on January 7, 2004, at 12:34:03
In reply to Re: What? Non-flexible talons??? Never! » fluffy, posted by katia on January 5, 2004, at 15:22:18
Hi Katia (and Karen)
Ok--I know you're frustrated. And writing a thesis in the middle of drug trials is to say the least stressful. But you know as well as I do that NO drugs is almost as bad as drug trials with side effects.
Speaking for myself, I've been basically on no drugs but fish oil and Temazepam for sleep. And it has totally sucked too. I've been cycling up and down EVERY OTHER DAY! Yeah--I've become one of those ultradian people now. I guess that the Lamictal actually did something for me, but I wasn't able to see it before. I can't wait to pop those depakote pills in my mouth tonight, hoping they will stop this crazy roller coaster ride!! So a "drug vacation" for me has turned out to be a learning experience. I've learned that I NEED DRUGS!! (i didn't even ask for the vacation...I just had to let my system clear out for the depakote).
Sounds to me that you are still having a hard time accepting the diagnosis. I'm struggling with it every day. I'm still not happy about the idea of taking meds, but at this point, I'm happy that i have some to try. It's not a fun thing we've been forced to deal with. I look around at other people in the grocery store and think how lucky they are that they don't have to think about thinking. I was trying to find a block of velveeta in a depressed blur two days ago, and all I could think about was that I wanted to die. All of these other people happily picking up their daily items, and I was looking at them with such jealousy, even if it was presumptuous. Frankly--we have something that SUCKS. I know you don't want to feel ill again. I don't really have any candy coated advice for you today (because I'm having a depressed day!)
Just don't give up on the drugs. Would you ever consider an atypical anti-psychotic for maintenence??? They are really effective in a lot of people on depression and mania and mixed/dysphoric/aggressive stuff. And they can have a VERY LOW side effect profile. Unfortunately, for us there is no magic pill with no side effects. You just have to figure out which ones will not interfere too much. For me, 10 extra pounds and lots of exercise may just have to enter into my life if the depakote works for me. I'll be very thankful. I may grumble later about the weight...but what a luxury to grumble about 10 pounds instead of untraradian cycling and suicidal tendencies!
It's just a gamble--crap-shoot kind of thing. And if it were the 1960's, we'd be strapped down to a bed with a piece of wood between our teeth. My grandmother wasn't so lucky. As pissed as I get about this process, I just have to remember that I'm able to have most of my functioning.
Just don't give up. I just care about you, and I can totally relate to your frustrations. Please keep in touch with your progress, and I'll do the same. I start the depakote tonight.
What's going on with you?
Katy
poster:fluffy
thread:287670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040105/msgs/297656.html