Posted by Ilene on February 22, 2004, at 20:14:17
In reply to Marplan Diary, posted by Ilene on February 19, 2004, at 8:52:49
Yesterday was my first day at 30 mg: 10 in the morning, 20 at night.
I got very anxious yesterday. The Klonopin didn't help much. One of my goals is to leave the house each day. I took a short walk to drop off my son's soccer sign-up sheet. I didn't enjoy it.
I took my 2 Marplan and went to bed a little early. I didn't sleep very well and dreamed more than usual. So much for suppression of REM sleep. I got all worried about it, of course.
Today I took 20 mg. Marplan in the morning because I didn't like what happened last night. I didn't take any K in the morning, took my son to Sunday School and did my usual shopping. Had a nice little chat about the Mel Gibson "Passion" movie with my favorite Sunday School dad. Anxiety struck anyway. I took my K when I got home.
Called friend with whom I had a shopping date. She was asleep because she had partied until the wee hours. I told her BF that was okay, I thought we could defer our date for a weekday because the subway is being single-tracked and there are long delays on the weekend. She just got laid off, so I think she'll have some free time.
IMed my husband. He was nice today. It felt good to chat with him; helped me calm down. Tried to restring a necklace but lost some of the beads when I was all but done. That just made the anxiety worse, even though I wasn't pissed at myself for dropping the beads. Strange.
Took some more K. at dinner time, discovered one of the cats had taken a dump on my bed. I've been having litter-box problems with her. She's too scared of the other cat to go downstairs. Lucky she didn't pee.
I feel better now. I'm not as tired as usual, maybe because I haven't taken my Risperdal yet.
I don't get much done around the house when I'm anxious. I can't even read too much, because I compare myself with everyone I read about, or the things are too sad. I made the mistake of reading a magazine story about a poet who stabbed herself and her 2-yr-old son to death. Once I read the blurb it didn't matter whether I read it or not. Life seems so sad to me all the the time. People get old and sick and die. Suffering is just so overpowering. It didn't used to be this way.
poster:Ilene
thread:315567
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040218/msgs/316661.html