Posted by babak on December 16, 2004, at 5:34:45
It is now fifteen years that I have been on medication. I have tried many different ones. The last has been OLanzapine & Paroxetine since summer.
They both help but my circumstances are very difficult, I have been unemployed for almost four years now, I am living with and caring for my mother who has advance cancer as I had to sell my house because of debts.I have very little confidence left and find it very difficult to get up in the mornings as I have no hope.
My only escape is once a week going to a friend's house where in order to lift myself up I take some coke and have few drinks to block out the hell in my life. I know this is no solution but once a week I need a break from myself, my mother and all the worries and my depression.
My situation is getting worse now and most morning I don't leave the bed unless my mother needs something.
I have no sex derive and I feel I have lost all my passion, imagination and inventiveness.
I have stopped enjoying music, films and arts in general.
I have very little powers of concentration and can't focus on much.
I feel I need something which can boost me even for a short while to get me out of this dog house like getting a job and a home so that its momentum will carry me through the rest.
But doctors' only suggestion is ECT which I have had before and it only resulted in massive loss of memory and a change in my heart rhythm.
Does any one know what I can add to this combination to give me boost so that I may continue fighting because thoughts of suicide becoming far more common place than any other time in the last 15 years.
I even took once a fistful of lorazepam but I made myself through up immediately but I could have just as easily gone to bed.
Does any one has any suggestions, I wish cocaine was safe because when I do cocaine I stop being depressed can concentrate and have enthusiasm.
I really need help and my doctors seem to have given up on me
poster:babak
thread:430169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041211/msgs/430169.html