Posted by Maxime on April 12, 2005, at 15:58:02
There is something about giving up and losing all hope that actually feels good. I no longer feel that need to find the "cure" because I know it's not out there. I'm no longer stressed over doctors because I know no one will listen to me. So there is really nothing I can do and I can let those balloons go. I love that expression. I'm letting those balloons go! I can picture it in my mind and it's very soothing. I have no responsibilities anymore when it comes to meds. I don't have to be med compliant because nothing works. I can just stay on what I need - synthroid, clonazopam and dexedrine. I have started to wean off the Trileptal already. It makes everything less complicated. I can just be until I am no more. I fought for many years. I had hospitalisations. Been degraded by doctors and nurses. I have been brought back to life (damn them!). I have volunteered as mental health advocate (ironically enough). I've tried so many meds and now it's over. And it feels really good. It's a high in itself.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my entire mind, body and soul.
It's weird feeling. I have never felt this way before. I like it.
Maxime
poster:Maxime
thread:483408
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050408/msgs/483408.html