Posted by bigcat on November 20, 2005, at 9:34:18
In reply to Re: Lexapro: 10mg vs 20mg. Any more beneficial?????? » bigcat, posted by ed_uk on November 19, 2005, at 22:09:17
Hey Ed,
Thanks for replying :)
>
> Have any of your family members been diagnosed with a psych disorder?None have been professionally diagnosed, however from what I understand, my grandmother was depressed in the last years of her life, and my brother is depressed (although he doesn't realize it). I've been hit the worst by far.
> Ever taken Depakote, Tegretol or Trileptal?
Depakote yes (short trial, did nothing). Tegratol or Trileptal no. Are these anticonvulsants with mood-stabilizing properties?
> I was wondering whether your depression could be viewed as a depressive mixed state. Probably not. Just an idea.
No mixed state to my depression. My mood, thought patterns, energy etc. never changes unless a med starts rearranging brain chemistry.> Many *different* negative thoughts or *repetitive* negative thoughts on the same theme?
Repetetive negative thoughts on the same
theme(s). I funnel EVERY outside stimuli and my ensuing response into self-loathing or a re-confirmation of my depression (from the way I tighten up and avert my gaze when passing people, to the way I (fail to) respond in social situations, to the way I spend my afternoon [on the couch]). My brain keeps shouting endlessly "This sucks, this sucks, this sucks." I obsess about the past and the future and how depression has and will effect each. I obsessively worry about everything; the tiniest little minutia. My mind can never wander because I'm so intensely focused and concentrated on my obsessive thought patterns. I can't get out of my head or live and respond "in the moment".
What do you mean when you say that your thoughts are 'racing'? The negative thoughts which characterise OCD are intensely repetitive. The racing thoughts which characterise bipolar disorder are much less repetitive ie. the 'flight of ideas'.
Intensely repetetive and never ceasing, not racing or flighty.
>
> Are you physically very agitated?Yes. I'm always restless. I can't sit still and read a book or play guitar. I wake up very stiff and sore every morning like I ran a marathon the previous day, when in reality I only move from my couch to my bed to my computer chair. I feel like I'm a hypochondriac, but in truth, something is always aching or aggrivated. Even in bed I'm extremely restless.
>
> >I know OCD
>
> What sort of OCD did you suffer from? Were you actually diagnosed with OCD?Classic OCD. Compulsions: I twirwled and pulled out my hair constantly. I would roll my eyes. I picked at my one thumbnail to the point that it is now seriously deformed. I clenched my teeth against my jaw very hard. Most of these compulsions brought this physical pain that I seemed addicted to. Obsessions: Contamination, frightened of "tainted thoughts" entering my mind. Counting numbers (water faucet had to be on for a three count before I could turn it off). While it could be considered anxiety, I would definately classify my worrying as an obsession. I worried horrendously about insignificant things, like unimportant homework, or impending events, or even worrying about the worrying that I would be doing if this or that would happen, or as this or that event creeped closer. My mind REQUIRED something to worry about. I've written about all of these syptoms in the past tense, but much of this continues. I'm less compulsive (though biting the gums and picking at my thumbnail continues), and I no longer have contamination or number counting issues, but the obsessing is still horrendous.
Good questions Ed! Really made me adress some of my issues. My chief obsession is the self-monitoring thing, obsessing about my every action and spoken word. Probably the worst part of my depression is the obsessing about depression. Apart from suffering the symptoms, I relate EVERYTHING towards confirming my state of misery and helplessness. Depression is not only what I have, it is THE ONLY thing I ever think about. Maybe that's common...
poster:bigcat
thread:573903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051119/msgs/580582.html